Saturday, May 15, 2010

Classic Hospital...

I've spent the better part of the last week in something just outside misery. The few moments of joy lied in 30 Rock and positive diagnoses. On Mother's Day my mom asked me to take her to the hospital, turns out her swollen knee couldn't wait for a week day doctor's visit, so off we went. After a few hours of wall-mounted HGTV a very charismatic MD told us it was all a little "water on the knee" and should be fine with rest, ice and a follow-up.
Days passed as my mom watched Jurassic Park and Kill Bill endlessly awaiting the return of her normal knee. Over these same few days I was battling one of the largest onslaughts of attitude I've ever experienced. Days of everything from workplace aggravations to spaghetti inspired shouting matches. This week had a very defeated feeling.
Yesterday: Just after my lunch hour I received two very urgent messages about having to take my mom to a different hospital due to her now infected knee. Apparently Dr. Charisma didn't feel the need to drain her knee like the doctor she had seen Friday morning, if he had maybe he would have seen that it was possibly infected five days earlier. And we were off! Another hospital, another wall-mounted TV, and a wonderful nurse that I have no doubt my mom would have adopted if given the option.

Things should be better now, but it's strange, I've spent more time in hospitals in the last nine months than I have in my whole life. It's also surprising, yet not surprising at all, how much more intense and worried you are when you are not the one undergoing treatment. I remember when I was in for my week long stay I wasn't worried for more than a minute, maybe it was the dilaudid, but I also remember feeling a strange calm in knowing that I was where I was supposed to be.

I don't know the point I'm trying to make, maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is just one of those points in life where if you don't document something and get it out of your head it just lingers. I guess this is my way of fighting off infection. That may sound dumb, but I'm telling you, it's science.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Distance Libs: Volume Four

"Have I got a Giraffe for You!"

Giraffes have aroused the curiosity of moosen since earliest times. The giraffe is the tallest of all living vermicious knids, but scientists are unable to explain how it got it's long epidermis. The giraffe's tremendous height, which might reach 11 model trains, comes mostly from it's legs and tummy. If a giraffe wants to take a drink of pickle juice from the ground, it has to spread it's earlobes far apart in order to reach down and lap up the water with it's huge gallbladder. The giraffe has plucky ears that are sensitive to the faintest cyborgs, and it has a rogue sense of smell and sight. When attacked, a giraffe can put up a luscious fight by whittling out with it's hind legs and using it's head like a sledge-rhubarb. Finally, a giraffe can gallop at more than thirty germs an hour when pursued and can outrun the fastest hoagie.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Distance Libs: Volume Three

“George Washington”

George Washington, the father of our Frap Fest, was a very ubiquitous man. When George was a cantankerous boy, he took his grandma and chopped down his father's favorite cherry thinking jail. “Well then I just hate you and I hate your ASS FACE!” said his father. “Who has sprinkled my corsage?” Then he saw George holding a sharp Han Solo in his hand. “Father,” said George, “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little Bedazzler.” His father smiled and patted little George on the baby power. “You are a very honest library,” he said, “and someday you may become the first professional friendship bracelet maker of the United States.”

Monday, May 3, 2010


From the perspective of a truly annoying Monday, here's what made my boring, lonely weekend somewhat less boring and lonely:

Final Fantasy (Owen Pallett), The Carpet Brothers, a new Mystery Science Theatre 3000 boxed set, Destroyer reissues, the new issue of NYLON, driving with both windows down, Dum Dum Girls, water, Liz Lemon, playoff hockey (the Bruins game was great, love seeing the Flyers lose), Capri Sun, Gnarles Barkley's The Odd Couple (surprised how much I like it since I was not a fan of the first record), hand-feeding my cat some ham, The Alisters Set, saturday morning (my favorite time of the week), the season finale of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, the song 'i'maman' by Jobriath, Twitter, and driving around in the late PM listening to The National.