Thursday, June 17, 2010

Bright Lit Blue Skies

I finally made it to the library after days of trying. I feel compelled to write in my blog since I have so few chances these days. As an update, I've been fine. How've you been? Wonderful, glad to hear it.
I've been a lazy so-and-so lately, in my head I can attribute this to picking up slack at a job where I already do more work than anyone else, but in reality I attribute it to not getting enough sleep and watching TV. Both theories have their merits, but it's always to get out this time fo year. The grass is fresh cut, one of the top 5 smells of ever, and the longer days make for some rather pleasant pre-night drives.
Lately I've been feeling sluggish so I've been contemplating joining a gym, something I never ever thought I'd do. Since I'm trying to convince myself that it's a good idea I've had to formulate scenarios in my head that I can't let myself miss:
1. A slightly older gentleman passes me yelling into his cell phone, "What do you mean he quit the team? We've got a big match against (as of yet unnamed town, leaning toward Townsberry) tomorrow and now we've got no 3rd baseman! I guess we'll have to forfeit!" That's when I step up and say, "Hey pal, tell them you'll BE THERE! I will play, I will SAVE THE DAY!" And then I'm MVP of the Over 25 Central New Jersey Men's Softball League World Championship. I know that's not a thing, but leave my fantasies alone.
2. I would hate to miss the opportunity to point out the slight irony that I prefer to work out on the stationary bike, but actually have no idea how to ride a bike. Good conversation starter.
3. A pool any time I want to go swimming. Not a fantasy, but a beautiful reality.
4. One day I'm quietly singing to myself somewhere, maybe the locker room, maybe the racquetball court and some dude pops up out of nowhere and says, "You are the best singer in town! Please join my band which is awesome." Hopefully by this time I would be in tip-top shape for the promo photos of my new group, Whisper Club. (I don't know why I like that name so much but I do, if you like you can substitute one of the following: A B C and the D's, Raccoon Suit, Cool Sandwich, or Jurassic Punk.)
5. I actually get out of the house and stop feeling like crap.

Since not much else has been going on, here's what else has been going on:
White Denim - "Fits", the new David Cross comedy CD, 30 Rock reruns, finding out that Best Buy still sell Walkmans (is that the plural? Either way, score!), Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Before Tomorrow", the song "Eye in the Sky" by The Alan Parsons Project, Crystal Castles, The Morning Benders, Field Music, trying to save some money so I can buy stuff off Amazon, debating whether or not to renew my GQ subscription, books on CD, using Facebook at work, and reading Twitter at breakfast.

Other than that...not much.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Distance Libs: Volume Six

"In the Good Old Summertime"

Many selective laser discs prefer the Summer Olympics to the Winter Coconuts. They respond awkwardly to such swimming and waddling competitions as the hundred-meter striking-style race, the 862-meter funny bone-stroke race, and, of course, the diving contests in which nickels dive off a high doppelganger and do triple beach balls in the air before landing in the pickle juice. Equally fascinating are the track and Cornish game hen events in which sluggishly conditioned paddle boats compete for gold Billy Goats. They compete in such exciting events as the 1,500-crossing guard race, the hundred-sombrero dash, the ever-popular peach pie vaulting, and, last but not least, throwing the hammer, the javelin, and the saloon.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Distance Libs: Volume Five

How to Enjoy Yourself on the Beach

When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of Green Tea Frappuccino, lots of suntan bargain book, and a couple of folding ham sandwiches. Then you put on your tricorne so you can get a beautiful fuchsia to last you all summer. You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your nostril. If you want exercise, you can find some landspeeders to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America's favorite soft game. You can also bring a robust lunch, such as hard-boiled oscillating fans, a few Phillippine Mouse-deer sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of Cabo Wabo cola. If you remember all of the above and get a place near a plentiful lifeguard, you can sunbathe sideways all day.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Chess on Ice

I haven't written here in a while, mainly due to the fact that I've been blocked from my blog at work. Not only mine, but any blog of any kind, even my old Livejournal. I don't know what could have prompted them to block me from it after more than a year of access, but I guess that's just how it goes. As it is, I'm writing this at my desk at work, and will simply cut and paste later. Nobody gonna break-a my stride, nobody gonna hold me down, woah no.

The past couple weeks have seen four of my friends open their own businesses, while in Brian news, I spent a good deal of time watching 30 Rock and eating Cheez-Its. I know it's dumb to compare my life to my friends', but it's hard not to. I don't think I'm quite dynamic enough to start my own business, I don't even know if that's the word I'm looking for, my overwhelming Type B-ness wouldn't make for a great business owner. It does give you that left behind feeling, though I guess if yr not doing anything to move forward yr more so just staying behind. So, needless to say, I've been a little antsy in my old familiar home lately, dreaming of all the exotic destinations I could relocate to and really kick-start my life. Adding to the confusion is the question of what the hell I even want to do, but I don't think anyone knows that. I think maybe 12% of people know absolutely what they want to do with their life, that's as high as I'll go, I think everyone else kind of just picks a direction and starts walking, some slower than others. I tend to believe that you just fall into yr career path, I'm certainly not looking for a career in Communications, I don't even know what that entails. I just liked taking classes where I got to talk about weird stuff in front of people (Epiphany?). My life kind of feels like Ralphie on the slide, I just told Santa that I want a football and his helpers are pushing me down, all the while in my head it's "Wake up stupid! Wake up!" I really need to make it known that I want a Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, and I can't be worried about shooting my eye out.

In the interest of posterity here's a rather truncated list of what's recently been makin' me moooove:
Sufjan Stevens - "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois"
Surfer Blood - "Swim"
LCD Soundsystem - "All I Want"
Mika Miko - "Sex"
Tom Vek - "That Can Be Arranged"
Blue Cheer - "Come and Get It"
Kurt Vile - "Freeway"
The National - "Lemonworld"
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Round and Round"
The New Pornographers - "If You Can't See My Mirrors"
Thee Headcoatees - "Shadow"

As soon as Ghostwriter comes out I'm buying it, along with seasons 1 and 2 of The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Quality summer programming.