Wednesday, January 27, 2010

THE PHONIEST OF BALONIES

-- Name: Brian James Muirhead
-- Birth date: aug twenty five eighty one
-- Birthplace: Somerset Med Center
-- Current Location: my desk, at lunch, bored
-- Eye Color: the bluest blue
-- Hair Color: the light brownest light brown
-- Righty or Lefty: right
-- Zodiac Sign: virgo


- describe
-- Your heritage: irish, scottish, english, polish...european mutt
-- The shoes you wore today: my shitty damaged work shoes
-- Your hair: normal
-- Your eyes: hidden behind consistently fogged spectacles
-- Your weakness?: cheap records, beautiful ladies
-- Your fears: are largely irrational
-- Your perfect pizza: hot, ultra cheesy, and with the minimum of those weird paper-thin tomato pieces
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: i'd like to be elected president by accident

- what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: i don't use aim much...but maybe "haha"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: i first have to convince myself that the dream i just had was a dream and not reality
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite(or same) sex: opposite: face, or strangely enough, shoes. same: i tend to notice if they have a cool t-shirt or not
-- Your best physical feature: that's for the judges to decide
-- Your bedtime: usually whenever i can literally no longer stay awake, though i would like to
-- Your greatest accomplishment: discovering radium
-- Your most missed memory: i don't understand the question


- you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: sprite zero
-- McDonald's or Burger King: baja fresh
-- Single or group dates: i don't go on dates
-- Adidas or Nike: umm, if i had to? nike
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: snapple (why is that not an option?)
-- Chocolate or vanilla: that depends, are we talking ice cream or cookies or cake? c'mon!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: skim, 120 degree, hot chocolate, no whipped cream
-- Boxers or briefs: with recent technological advances this question has been rendered moot


- do you
-- Smoke: not anymore
-- Cuss: i try not to
-- Have a crush(es): nope
-- who are they: pay attention
-- Do you think you've been in love: i know i have
-- Want to go to college: i would love to get my PhD in abnormal psych...one credit short!
-- Like high school: i loved it, as much as you can love anything when you spend the whole time avoiding people sitting in the stairwell
-- Want to get married: i'm not opposed to it
-- Type w/ your fingers: yeah (what kind of question is that?)
-- Believe in yourself: "sometimes you're all you've got" -Rambo?
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: it's all relative
-- Think you're a health freak: certainly more so than i used to be
-- Get along with your parents: for sure
-- Like thunderstorms: for sure
-- Play an instrument: for sure


- in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: duuuude
-- Smoke(d): nope
-- Done a drug: i'm not so adventurous
-- Have Sex: WHAAAAT!
-- Made Out: unfortunately no
-- Go on a date: you already asked me that, if you're not going to pay attention i'm not going to continue
-- Go to the mall?: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: i used to like the chocolate covered ones, so decadent
-- Eaten sushi: i haven't eaten sushi in 28 years
-- Been on stage: "all the world's a stage" -Rambo
-- Been dumped: no, thank god
-- Gone skating: ice skating? no, when i do that i have to hold on to the wall and i get passed by 65 year old spanish ladies
-- Made homemade cookies: that would be delightful, but no
-- Been in love: that would be less delightful, and no
-- Gone skinny dipping: that's not my style, survey
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: no


- have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: didn't we all?
-- If so, was it mixed company: of course, what are you trying to say survey?
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: ha! yes, and i recommend watching 'the dark knight' before you go to sleep
-- Been caught "doing something": too vague
-- Been called a tease: no, i'm a dude
-- Gotten beaten up: totally
-- Shoplifted: when i was young
-- If so, did you get caught: no
-- Changed who you were to fit in: back in the day, as they say, i had very little self-esteem


- the future
-- Age you hope to be married: okay survey, if we're not married by the time we're 40, we'll get married
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i want three babies, one named Maxamillion (but we call him Monty for short), then there's Eugene, and lastly we've got the girl...name yet unknown, but I'm leaning toward Joenifer.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: lady's choice...except it has to be on a hill overlooking another hill
-- How do you want to die: in the rapture
-- Where you want to go to college: listen survey, yr getting a little pushy, forget about our eventual marriage
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: bassist in a funk band, or big wave surfer
-- What country would you most like to visit: france


- opposite sex-
-- Best eye color?: i've always loved green
-- Best hair color?: there is none
-- Short or long hair?: i'd prefer longer than shorter
-- Best height: slightly shorter than myself
-- Best weight: fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round
-- Best articles of clothing: pencil skirts and sweaters, i have a Mad Men-esque vision of beauty
-- Best first date location: Stonehenge
-- Best first kiss location: behind one of the Stonehenges


- number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: i have no idea but i bet it's not double digits
-- Number of girls you have made out with: less than
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: officially, uno
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: umm, i think i had a sip of my dad's beer when i was a baby. it sucked
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: i have no idea
-- Number of CDs that I own: i'm bad at estimating this kind of thing, so let's say between 150 and 7,000
-- Number of piercings: none
-- Number of tattoos: II
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: let's see...how many times did I win the spelling bee?
-- Number of scars on my body: i have a bunch! iguana bite, pencil stab, laparoscopic surgery, dragged by dog
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: eleventy godzillion

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