F DAY THE ONE THREE

All this talk about friday the 13th...may as well see the new film of the same name. I gotta say, I was not impressed. Not that anyone reads this bloggy anyway, but if you do and you have not seen this film and you want to see this film STOP READING NOW because I may or may not write some kind of spoiler.
All I know is that old school Jason was not meant for these times. These days EVERY crazy killer has some kind of intricate underground system of tunnels complete with booby-traps and all this other shit that can only make you think, 'how did this person ever get all this together?' Well guess what Jason has...an elaborate system of tunnels under the old Camp Crystal Lake. Jason doesn't need some subterranean lair, he just exists in the forest, he doesn't need to have like, an apartment. The movie itself wasn't terrible, it had all the basics and all the right kids and all of that but it wasn't really ever shocking. Every opportunity to have Jason appear behind someone from out of the darkness right before the kill was used. How many times can you see the same shot of a pathetic teen with a towering Jason over him/her before you need a change? The deaths (which is a top 3 reason to watch these movies) were not up to par either, there was a lot of impaling one way or another and overall it was pretty mediocre. You can also judge a Jason movie by who survives and that was easily the worst part of the movie. Here comes that spoiler I told you about. A goddamn brother and sister survive. Are you kidding? That's the worst male/female pair of survivors you can have. Not only is it lame that a bro and sis survive, but it's how they do it. The sister is seemingly killed along with her friends in the very beginning of the film, her brother comes along 6 weeks later and eventually enlists the help of a cocky dude's nice and rather virtuous girlfriend to help him look around CCL for her. Turns out that Jason, for one reason or another, did not kill the sister but is keeping her chained up in his underground pad. So blah blah death death and the brother and the nice girlfriend find the sister in the tunnels and as they are escaping Jason kills the nice girlfriend. What? If anything the brother should get killed saving his sister, but that's not going to happen because he used to date Rory Gilmore. So okay, the nice gf is dead and the siblings take Jason down using a combination of chain, machete, and wood chipper (Fargo? No, he doesn't actually go into it). Then they release his gigantic body back into the lake and as soon as they drop his Mother's locket into the lake he reemerges newly reborn with rage! He comes up through the dock and grabs the sister, who pretended to be his mom twice. Once the sequel come out she will most likely be fine and everyone will deny that ever happened. It wasn't a TERRIBLE movie, but I was bummed. I like to root for Jason and I had a legitimate hope he would actually kill all the kids, but you don't get that kind of ending in movies...just video games.