I finally made it to the library after days of trying. I feel compelled to write in my blog since I have so few chances these days. As an update, I've been fine. How've you been? Wonderful, glad to hear it.
I've been a lazy so-and-so lately, in my head I can attribute this to picking up slack at a job where I already do more work than anyone else, but in reality I attribute it to not getting enough sleep and watching TV. Both theories have their merits, but it's always to get out this time fo year. The grass is fresh cut, one of the top 5 smells of ever, and the longer days make for some rather pleasant pre-night drives.
Lately I've been feeling sluggish so I've been contemplating joining a gym, something I never ever thought I'd do. Since I'm trying to convince myself that it's a good idea I've had to formulate scenarios in my head that I can't let myself miss:
1. A slightly older gentleman passes me yelling into his cell phone, "What do you mean he quit the team? We've got a big match against (as of yet unnamed town, leaning toward Townsberry) tomorrow and now we've got no 3rd baseman! I guess we'll have to forfeit!" That's when I step up and say, "Hey pal, tell them you'll BE THERE! I will play, I will SAVE THE DAY!" And then I'm MVP of the Over 25 Central New Jersey Men's Softball League World Championship. I know that's not a thing, but leave my fantasies alone.
2. I would hate to miss the opportunity to point out the slight irony that I prefer to work out on the stationary bike, but actually have no idea how to ride a bike. Good conversation starter.
3. A pool any time I want to go swimming. Not a fantasy, but a beautiful reality.
4. One day I'm quietly singing to myself somewhere, maybe the locker room, maybe the racquetball court and some dude pops up out of nowhere and says, "You are the best singer in town! Please join my band which is awesome." Hopefully by this time I would be in tip-top shape for the promo photos of my new group, Whisper Club. (I don't know why I like that name so much but I do, if you like you can substitute one of the following: A B C and the D's, Raccoon Suit, Cool Sandwich, or Jurassic Punk.)
5. I actually get out of the house and stop feeling like crap.
Since not much else has been going on, here's what else has been going on:
White Denim - "Fits", the new David Cross comedy CD, 30 Rock reruns, finding out that Best Buy still sell Walkmans (is that the plural? Either way, score!), Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Before Tomorrow", the song "Eye in the Sky" by The Alan Parsons Project, Crystal Castles, The Morning Benders, Field Music, trying to save some money so I can buy stuff off Amazon, debating whether or not to renew my GQ subscription, books on CD, using Facebook at work, and reading Twitter at breakfast.
Other than that...not much.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Distance Libs: Volume Six
"In the Good Old Summertime"
Many selective laser discs prefer the Summer Olympics to the Winter Coconuts. They respond awkwardly to such swimming and waddling competitions as the hundred-meter striking-style race, the 862-meter funny bone-stroke race, and, of course, the diving contests in which nickels dive off a high doppelganger and do triple beach balls in the air before landing in the pickle juice. Equally fascinating are the track and Cornish game hen events in which sluggishly conditioned paddle boats compete for gold Billy Goats. They compete in such exciting events as the 1,500-crossing guard race, the hundred-sombrero dash, the ever-popular peach pie vaulting, and, last but not least, throwing the hammer, the javelin, and the saloon.
Many selective laser discs prefer the Summer Olympics to the Winter Coconuts. They respond awkwardly to such swimming and waddling competitions as the hundred-meter striking-style race, the 862-meter funny bone-stroke race, and, of course, the diving contests in which nickels dive off a high doppelganger and do triple beach balls in the air before landing in the pickle juice. Equally fascinating are the track and Cornish game hen events in which sluggishly conditioned paddle boats compete for gold Billy Goats. They compete in such exciting events as the 1,500-crossing guard race, the hundred-sombrero dash, the ever-popular peach pie vaulting, and, last but not least, throwing the hammer, the javelin, and the saloon.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Distance Libs: Volume Five
How to Enjoy Yourself on the Beach
When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of Green Tea Frappuccino, lots of suntan bargain book, and a couple of folding ham sandwiches. Then you put on your tricorne so you can get a beautiful fuchsia to last you all summer. You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your nostril. If you want exercise, you can find some landspeeders to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America's favorite soft game. You can also bring a robust lunch, such as hard-boiled oscillating fans, a few Phillippine Mouse-deer sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of Cabo Wabo cola. If you remember all of the above and get a place near a plentiful lifeguard, you can sunbathe sideways all day.
When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of Green Tea Frappuccino, lots of suntan bargain book, and a couple of folding ham sandwiches. Then you put on your tricorne so you can get a beautiful fuchsia to last you all summer. You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your nostril. If you want exercise, you can find some landspeeders to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America's favorite soft game. You can also bring a robust lunch, such as hard-boiled oscillating fans, a few Phillippine Mouse-deer sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of Cabo Wabo cola. If you remember all of the above and get a place near a plentiful lifeguard, you can sunbathe sideways all day.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Chess on Ice
I haven't written here in a while, mainly due to the fact that I've been blocked from my blog at work. Not only mine, but any blog of any kind, even my old Livejournal. I don't know what could have prompted them to block me from it after more than a year of access, but I guess that's just how it goes. As it is, I'm writing this at my desk at work, and will simply cut and paste later. Nobody gonna break-a my stride, nobody gonna hold me down, woah no.
The past couple weeks have seen four of my friends open their own businesses, while in Brian news, I spent a good deal of time watching 30 Rock and eating Cheez-Its. I know it's dumb to compare my life to my friends', but it's hard not to. I don't think I'm quite dynamic enough to start my own business, I don't even know if that's the word I'm looking for, my overwhelming Type B-ness wouldn't make for a great business owner. It does give you that left behind feeling, though I guess if yr not doing anything to move forward yr more so just staying behind. So, needless to say, I've been a little antsy in my old familiar home lately, dreaming of all the exotic destinations I could relocate to and really kick-start my life. Adding to the confusion is the question of what the hell I even want to do, but I don't think anyone knows that. I think maybe 12% of people know absolutely what they want to do with their life, that's as high as I'll go, I think everyone else kind of just picks a direction and starts walking, some slower than others. I tend to believe that you just fall into yr career path, I'm certainly not looking for a career in Communications, I don't even know what that entails. I just liked taking classes where I got to talk about weird stuff in front of people (Epiphany?). My life kind of feels like Ralphie on the slide, I just told Santa that I want a football and his helpers are pushing me down, all the while in my head it's "Wake up stupid! Wake up!" I really need to make it known that I want a Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, and I can't be worried about shooting my eye out.
In the interest of posterity here's a rather truncated list of what's recently been makin' me moooove:
Sufjan Stevens - "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois"
Surfer Blood - "Swim"
LCD Soundsystem - "All I Want"
Mika Miko - "Sex"
Tom Vek - "That Can Be Arranged"
Blue Cheer - "Come and Get It"
Kurt Vile - "Freeway"
The National - "Lemonworld"
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Round and Round"
The New Pornographers - "If You Can't See My Mirrors"
Thee Headcoatees - "Shadow"
Epilogue:
As soon as Ghostwriter comes out I'm buying it, along with seasons 1 and 2 of The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Quality summer programming.
The past couple weeks have seen four of my friends open their own businesses, while in Brian news, I spent a good deal of time watching 30 Rock and eating Cheez-Its. I know it's dumb to compare my life to my friends', but it's hard not to. I don't think I'm quite dynamic enough to start my own business, I don't even know if that's the word I'm looking for, my overwhelming Type B-ness wouldn't make for a great business owner. It does give you that left behind feeling, though I guess if yr not doing anything to move forward yr more so just staying behind. So, needless to say, I've been a little antsy in my old familiar home lately, dreaming of all the exotic destinations I could relocate to and really kick-start my life. Adding to the confusion is the question of what the hell I even want to do, but I don't think anyone knows that. I think maybe 12% of people know absolutely what they want to do with their life, that's as high as I'll go, I think everyone else kind of just picks a direction and starts walking, some slower than others. I tend to believe that you just fall into yr career path, I'm certainly not looking for a career in Communications, I don't even know what that entails. I just liked taking classes where I got to talk about weird stuff in front of people (Epiphany?). My life kind of feels like Ralphie on the slide, I just told Santa that I want a football and his helpers are pushing me down, all the while in my head it's "Wake up stupid! Wake up!" I really need to make it known that I want a Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, and I can't be worried about shooting my eye out.
In the interest of posterity here's a rather truncated list of what's recently been makin' me moooove:
Sufjan Stevens - "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois"
Surfer Blood - "Swim"
LCD Soundsystem - "All I Want"
Mika Miko - "Sex"
Tom Vek - "That Can Be Arranged"
Blue Cheer - "Come and Get It"
Kurt Vile - "Freeway"
The National - "Lemonworld"
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Round and Round"
The New Pornographers - "If You Can't See My Mirrors"
Thee Headcoatees - "Shadow"
Epilogue:
As soon as Ghostwriter comes out I'm buying it, along with seasons 1 and 2 of The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Quality summer programming.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Classic Hospital...
I've spent the better part of the last week in something just outside misery. The few moments of joy lied in 30 Rock and positive diagnoses. On Mother's Day my mom asked me to take her to the hospital, turns out her swollen knee couldn't wait for a week day doctor's visit, so off we went. After a few hours of wall-mounted HGTV a very charismatic MD told us it was all a little "water on the knee" and should be fine with rest, ice and a follow-up.
Days passed as my mom watched Jurassic Park and Kill Bill endlessly awaiting the return of her normal knee. Over these same few days I was battling one of the largest onslaughts of attitude I've ever experienced. Days of everything from workplace aggravations to spaghetti inspired shouting matches. This week had a very defeated feeling.
Yesterday: Just after my lunch hour I received two very urgent messages about having to take my mom to a different hospital due to her now infected knee. Apparently Dr. Charisma didn't feel the need to drain her knee like the doctor she had seen Friday morning, if he had maybe he would have seen that it was possibly infected five days earlier. And we were off! Another hospital, another wall-mounted TV, and a wonderful nurse that I have no doubt my mom would have adopted if given the option.
Things should be better now, but it's strange, I've spent more time in hospitals in the last nine months than I have in my whole life. It's also surprising, yet not surprising at all, how much more intense and worried you are when you are not the one undergoing treatment. I remember when I was in for my week long stay I wasn't worried for more than a minute, maybe it was the dilaudid, but I also remember feeling a strange calm in knowing that I was where I was supposed to be.
I don't know the point I'm trying to make, maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is just one of those points in life where if you don't document something and get it out of your head it just lingers. I guess this is my way of fighting off infection. That may sound dumb, but I'm telling you, it's science.
Days passed as my mom watched Jurassic Park and Kill Bill endlessly awaiting the return of her normal knee. Over these same few days I was battling one of the largest onslaughts of attitude I've ever experienced. Days of everything from workplace aggravations to spaghetti inspired shouting matches. This week had a very defeated feeling.
Yesterday: Just after my lunch hour I received two very urgent messages about having to take my mom to a different hospital due to her now infected knee. Apparently Dr. Charisma didn't feel the need to drain her knee like the doctor she had seen Friday morning, if he had maybe he would have seen that it was possibly infected five days earlier. And we were off! Another hospital, another wall-mounted TV, and a wonderful nurse that I have no doubt my mom would have adopted if given the option.
Things should be better now, but it's strange, I've spent more time in hospitals in the last nine months than I have in my whole life. It's also surprising, yet not surprising at all, how much more intense and worried you are when you are not the one undergoing treatment. I remember when I was in for my week long stay I wasn't worried for more than a minute, maybe it was the dilaudid, but I also remember feeling a strange calm in knowing that I was where I was supposed to be.
I don't know the point I'm trying to make, maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is just one of those points in life where if you don't document something and get it out of your head it just lingers. I guess this is my way of fighting off infection. That may sound dumb, but I'm telling you, it's science.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Distance Libs: Volume Four
"Have I got a Giraffe for You!"
Giraffes have aroused the curiosity of moosen since earliest times. The giraffe is the tallest of all living vermicious knids, but scientists are unable to explain how it got it's long epidermis. The giraffe's tremendous height, which might reach 11 model trains, comes mostly from it's legs and tummy. If a giraffe wants to take a drink of pickle juice from the ground, it has to spread it's earlobes far apart in order to reach down and lap up the water with it's huge gallbladder. The giraffe has plucky ears that are sensitive to the faintest cyborgs, and it has a rogue sense of smell and sight. When attacked, a giraffe can put up a luscious fight by whittling out with it's hind legs and using it's head like a sledge-rhubarb. Finally, a giraffe can gallop at more than thirty germs an hour when pursued and can outrun the fastest hoagie.
Giraffes have aroused the curiosity of moosen since earliest times. The giraffe is the tallest of all living vermicious knids, but scientists are unable to explain how it got it's long epidermis. The giraffe's tremendous height, which might reach 11 model trains, comes mostly from it's legs and tummy. If a giraffe wants to take a drink of pickle juice from the ground, it has to spread it's earlobes far apart in order to reach down and lap up the water with it's huge gallbladder. The giraffe has plucky ears that are sensitive to the faintest cyborgs, and it has a rogue sense of smell and sight. When attacked, a giraffe can put up a luscious fight by whittling out with it's hind legs and using it's head like a sledge-rhubarb. Finally, a giraffe can gallop at more than thirty germs an hour when pursued and can outrun the fastest hoagie.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Distance Libs: Volume Three
“George Washington”
George Washington, the father of our Frap Fest, was a very ubiquitous man. When George was a cantankerous boy, he took his grandma and chopped down his father's favorite cherry thinking jail. “Well then I just hate you and I hate your ASS FACE!” said his father. “Who has sprinkled my corsage?” Then he saw George holding a sharp Han Solo in his hand. “Father,” said George, “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little Bedazzler.” His father smiled and patted little George on the baby power. “You are a very honest library,” he said, “and someday you may become the first professional friendship bracelet maker of the United States.”
George Washington, the father of our Frap Fest, was a very ubiquitous man. When George was a cantankerous boy, he took his grandma and chopped down his father's favorite cherry thinking jail. “Well then I just hate you and I hate your ASS FACE!” said his father. “Who has sprinkled my corsage?” Then he saw George holding a sharp Han Solo in his hand. “Father,” said George, “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little Bedazzler.” His father smiled and patted little George on the baby power. “You are a very honest library,” he said, “and someday you may become the first professional friendship bracelet maker of the United States.”
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