totallybrian

The Day I Learned That Girls Listen to Metal

2011-07-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

The early 2000's were the golden age of mixtapes for me. As mixtaping is still my all-time favorite activity I look back on this period with much reverence and bittersweet nostalgia. Websites like Livejournal and Makeoutclub were full of girls eager to trade their best compilations of indie rock and vanishing emo bands (I say girls specifically because in all that time I only traded with one guy, some dude from Arizona, though that tape did introduce me to Pinback). I still have every tape I was ever given, good or bad, excellent or awful, engrossing or embarrassing. It could be Spoon from that girl from Michigan, or the best song Green Day ever wrote from Allison from Boston, or any number of gems from Illinois' own Mallory. One funny thing is how I have still not grown out of certain awkwardnesses - for some guys these mixtapes may have acted as stepping stones to romantic encounters, whereas I would have been sent running for the hills. As much as I may have hoped for or desired these dream interactions, I turned away from them all, much as I might today.
I remember visiting one girl up in Boston (not Allison, she was a friend of a friend) named Brianna who actually gave me not one, but two tapes when we finally met. We spent most of the day together, she showed me around Beantown, we went record and thrift store shopping, and as the afternoon turned to evening and we sat in her car (and I played some found harmonica) she said I feel like we should be making out... This was, of course, my cue to reply Well, I should probably be heading back to Rob's house... Haha, what a honest-to-god geek. Now, did this girl ACTUALLY want to make out with me...pretty good chance the answer is NO. However, once I got that little nudge into the awkward zone, there was no escape.
This all came to mind today because I listened to a tape this morning that I haven't heard in many years. It was given to me by Vanessa from Ohio, aka: The One that Got Away. Save for the very few times in my life that I actually didn't blow it, every girl I've ever liked "got away", but Vanessa is the Queen of them all. From autumn '02 to early '03 I was a goofy 21 year old loser enamored by a girl from suburban Ohio. Everything she liked was amazing, and everything she hated I did too. One thing we had in common was our love of metal, and not corny-era Judas Priest or 80's garbage. She liked real, legitimate metal and hardcore. Let me be clear, I knew a TON of girls who liked punk, that was pretty common, but until that time I'd never met a girl who would start a mixtape with Emperor and end it with Nico. It reminds me of that Freaks and Geeks episode where they all fall for the girl who they shoot off rockets with and at the end of the episode they ask something to the extent of How are we NOT supposed to fall in love with her?
Well, as with most starry-eyed stories that unfortunately happen in reality, this one didn't have a happy ending. She asked me to visit her but I was too nervous to take the train (this is a stark contrast to present-day Brian who enjoys driving to Montreal on a whim), so she came to New Jersey on New Years Eve where I was a less-than-superb host and over the next couple months we drifted apart (this also being mainly my fault). Completely botching a chance with someone amazing stands as good reason to neglect a mixtape. Listening now I have to say it still holds up, sure it may have three Dystopia songs, but of the ten bands on it I bought cd's by five of them. Ugh, now I'm depressed. I have no idea what became of her, she's probably in a major city by now, championing the little guy and the downtrodden. Perhaps working for Kucinich, almost certainly married.
Thinking back to how I acted nearly a decade ago, I'm not surprised I don't mind getting older. I'm not nearly as shy or oblivious as I used to be, and I've met plenty of girls since then that like metal and I have somehow managed to not fall in love with (all of) them. I'm not sure why I felt the need to recount all of this so long after the fact. I miss the confessional aspect of Livejournal, being able to share something with people who can then recall their own moments of stupidity or regret. We've all been there. There's something reassuring about looking back and admitting you used to be kind of ridiculous, and it's okay. It's even better with a soundtrack.

This drawing accompanied the tape Vanessa gave me. Maybe one day I'll write a book about her, I bet someone already has.

Trapped in The (Lord's) Closet

2011-07-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, having absolutely nothing to do on my lunch break, I decided to check out a tiny thrift store down the road from my office. I'd only been in there once before and was not wowed, but it was right next to an ice cream store so at the very least I might come away with a cone. The place is small and jam-packed with garbage. It looks like a garage full of crap threw-up on another garage full of crap. Barely visible aisles slowly emerged cluttered with discontinued and forgotten kitchen tools left un-boxed and hanging like vines. The entire back third of the store is covered in double-stacked, hideous clothing, adorned with a notice that reads ALL SHIRTS AND PANTS $3.50. - this was my first sign that the place was on another planet.
After perusing the audio cassettes and VHS (I thought I saw a movie called A Punk Christmas, but it was actually an animated feature called A Pink Christmas with the Pink Panther), I made my way toward the only thing I really ventured out for, records. Always, it's ALWAYS records. That divine gamble of forcing yourself to sift through hundreds of dusty, boring records to hopefully find just one or two that you wouldn't mind knowing you own. Thrift store records / thrift store record buying is different from any other excursion. You will be frustrated, just accept it before you even begin. You will see more classical compilations and musicals and strange ambient 50's records for entertaining housewives than you ever imagined existed. Do you know how many records Barbara Streisand or Connie Francis or Linda Ronstadt put out?? Anyone who's excavated thrift store record shelves knows that it's too many to count.
Surprisingly, this trip was going rather well, I flipped through four shelves of true garbage and more than a few misplaced laserdiscs, and actually found about 14 records I wouldn't mind picking up. I even found the unfailingly available copy of Emmerson, Lake & Palmer's Tarkus, a record that is famous (in some circles) for it's ridiculous artwork and inexplicable availability at any store selling used records.

To give you an idea of what I was dealing with, here's a few of the (heavily scratched and phenomenally dusty) records I was semi-stoked about finding: Rush's Fly By Night and Signals, Fleetwood Mac's Rumors and Tusk, some random Krokus record (which was located right next to Judas Priest's Unleashed In the East, which I purchased last Record Store Day), a record by Tim Curry (??), a children's record of Spooky Stories, Sam the Sham & The Pharaohs' Wooley Bully, a bubblegum pop compilation featuring The 1910 Fruitgum Company (pun certainly intended), some random radio station's Rock of New Jersey compilation from like '82, and some other junk. Nothing that I would consider paying more than $1 for (I would have gone to $2 for the Rush records, I'm really into them right now for some reason??), but also nothing that I would assume would cost more than $1.
I put my picks to the side and since there was no sign displaying record prices I headed to the front counter and very politely asked How much are the records? The reply kind of blew my mind. They start at $5, we have to check the list. I really should have known, there's a reason this place is overflowing with worthless trinkets, it's outrageously overpriced. Alright, thanks I said as I walked back to cram my choices back on to the shelf. I could hear a faint voice that sounded like Geddy Lee say, No, please, buy us...we've been here so long. Sorry guys.
It's funny when you come across people that think any vinyl, and I mean ANY vinyl is worth money. Just because you have Born to Run doesn't mean you can charge $5 dollars for it, in fact, it means you should charge nowhere near $5 for it because it's EVERYWHERE. These people don't understand how many copies of Hall & Oates and Police records are out there, in far better shape and being sold by people who get it. I mean, you can see in the Tarkus picture, there were records with no sleeves! Are they really gonna tell some dude he has to pay $5 for a bare copy of Candy-O??
They can run their business however they want I guess. It's just so frustrating, I feel as if there is an unwritten thrift store code and anything in that poor of shape can not be priced over $1. The other thrift store I go to has .99 scrawled in crayon on nearly every record in the place, except for the one time I saw a copy of Elton John's Madman Across the Water behind the counter for $10. You just have to laugh. I remember being like twelve years old going to a town-wide yard sale and finding the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack on vinyl. I was so excited that it was only fifty cents or whatever it was, This HAS TO BE worth money!! I didn't even own a record player but I picked it up right then, as a sort of investment for the future. In my defense, twelve-year-olds are dumb and I was no exception. Someone needs to let delusional thrift store folk in on the fact that their Journey records aren't worth the cardboard they're packaged in. I would have done it, but it's kind of mean.

MONTREAL II: The Lost World

2011-03-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's true, I went back to Montreal this past weekend, and as I sit here on Tuesday morning (now making revisions on Thursday) I wish I was still there being woken up by the sound of friends making coffee with Patty's trademark stare in my face. I headed out on Friday morning, around 8:30am with a box of just under 50 cd's, a bag of (hopefully warm enough) clothes, directions AND a navigation system, and other miscellaneous necessities.

The drive was beautiful, for the most part, but after making a ridiculous stop in upstate New York for gas I was VERY happy to see the Exit signs become Exit/Sortie signs, it meant I was close. As with the past trip name-dropping McGill is the key to a quick stop at customs. They must assume friends of McGill students are too nerdy to be dangerous, which is fine with me. One of the few regrets of this trip is that I missed taking a picture of the Welcome to Quebec sign that sits at the beginning of Autoroute 15.

When I turned on my navigation system it had no idea where I was, it spent ten minutes telling me I was still in Hillsborough and that it was in fact an hour earlier than it actually was. After adjusting to it's surroundings, realizing it was in a hotel parking lot in Canada, and had missed Daylight Savings, it finally got me through the congested, construction-laden Montreal streets. Once I arrived at Christie's and negotiated parking in the BEST SPACE EVER, I (along with Sarah, another librarian) was immediately put to work assisting in carrying a futon frame and cushion back to the apartment. Eventually we realized the frame was incomplete but the cushion was well worth keeping as it felt like sitting on an ice cream sandwich. At least I thought so. After relaxing for a bit we went to pick up Megan from work and look for an Irish pub to get some dinner. It was great to see Megan again, she was overwhelmed with excitement following the Canadian government's vote of No-Confidence, telling us everything it meant as we strolled through town. Although she told me my positive feelings toward the Quebec flag were "vagrant opinions" I tried not to take it personally, you've got to have your facts straight around Ms. Stecyk. We eventually wandered into some random pub and after watching rugby and waiting 20-30 minutes for a table we got, literally, the best seat in the house. A little Guinness, a little seat shifting to better view televised curling, a little bit of one of the best burgers I've ever had, it was a top notch dining experience. I wonder now if my love of Montreal clouded my feelings on certain moments, but my time in The Pat Quinn Nook (as it came to be known) seems unaffected by circumstance. Maybe it was the budding romantic drama created in my mind between the all-around-great hostess and the suspenders-wearing waiter who seemed to spurn her advances for reasons unknown. As the meal progressed so did their soap opera, she struck a come-hither pose on the steps and he turned up his nose and walked away. I couldn't believe suspenders guy! As we all know, you either totally do, or totally do not pull of suspenders, and he only kinda pulled them off. I'm no stranger to poking holes in my own logic. You do know this is all happening in your mind, right? Megan asked me, pulling me back down to Earth. We spent a little more time in our nook, discussed our nightly options, found out that New Jersey has a better music scene than Montreal and had the dejected yet wonderful hostess snap this picture.

It became painfully obvious that the only real option was to return home and rest. Luckily there were David Attenburrow documentaries waiting for us at home. After being educated on various hawks (some of which hunt monkeys) and seeing just how bloody polar bears get when they eat (no one ever shows you that, it's ridiculous) we crawled into our ice caves and hibernated for the night.

Saturday was an odd day, the evening promised limitless frivolity (kinda), but my daylight hours were to be spent alone, just me and Patty. Christie and Megan shuffled off to work and I sat on the ice cream sandwich wondering what to do. The only real lead on a good time that I had was a record store recommendation from Bri, so I punched up some walking directions from my navigation system, bundled up, and told Patty that I'd be home soon. Almost instantly I realized I was over-bundled, something I truly can not stand. However I forged ahead to Sonik (corner of Berri and Duluth) and it was well worth the trip, easily one of the best record stores I've ever been in, USA included. The punk collection was typical but they had a room of nothing but great garage, 60's, psych, and all sorts of fuzzy odds and ends. After finding The Monks, The Headcoatees, and an Old King Cole Alexander/Bradford Cox split 10" that I didn't even know existed I had to remove myself from the store. I have a suspicion that most of (if not all of) Montreal's homeless are just avid music fans who couldn't resist and became victims of a great selection. Records are too expensive in MTL, but Sonik is the place to indulge. I then headed back home to change and say hi to Patty, and returned to the streets all sweatered and denim-jacketed. The only other moment worth mentioning was getting a constant hard sell from some vintage store owner who said eh so much you'd think his dialogue was penned by an American sitcom writer. As I perused a bowl of rock'n'roll pins he asked, Do you wanna see my...private collection? Absolutely! They were decent, yet overpriced in keeping with tradition. Being the pin maniac that I am I took what I could afford and said so long to the over sized Montreal Rock! and Love Will Tear Us Apart badges and split...but not before asking about and being given (free of charge) the Steve Ignorant/CRASS flyer hanging near the front window.

Then it was a few more stops and back to Patty and the quiet, sunny apt. The next few hours consisted of hanging in the kitchen listening to my latest mixtape on my walkman singing Patty's name in several of today's modern hits. Move on to a little relaxing reading of Ghost World until my two lovely roomies arrived home. Both had eaten (for free?) and I had had stopped at Tim Horton's, so we just hung out until the event which was the catalyst for my visit, party at Bri's.

It was a trek, hands filled with S'mars and gin and board games and cd's and whatever else, we arrived as a larger group than when we'd set out coming across another librarian and a linguist. The party was cool and people were super nice as I knew they would be, but I essentially knew NO ONE. Which of course I was ready for and accepted, meeting someone once six months earlier while watching Jurassic Park or dancing at Mod Night doesn't give you much of a conversational background. I'll thank the previously mentioned Sarah here for keeping me company on the bongos through much of the night before bailing early with a few other librariettes. There is something awesome about being at a party where you are more or less a stranger, you get to meet all kinds of people: ex-Winnipeggers, Philadelphians who know someone from your hometown, UN folk, random people who agree with you about the treacherousness of the basement stairs, some girl from Maine, and another girl who not only offers you gummi-worms but also remembers your name (I believe hers was Tash?? Something like that). It was a really good time and after snagging two seconds with the outrageously in-demand host to say farewell and thank you and then scrounging up bus fare myself, Christie, the linguist and the girl from Maine (Brian and Meg, respectively) had to hit the road. The ice cream sandwich (eventually) felt like a dream.

We awoke Sunday groggy and kind of blissfully aimless. I seem to remember Megan having to work, but I also don't remember her being gone, so perhaps I slept more than I thought. Christie made amazing pancakes and we listened to the CBC (a hallmark of Canadian visits) and just generally loafed the morning away. Eventually the urge to move took us over and Christie suggested we visit Old Montreal, the original city/port to take a look at ships, architecture, get some maple sweetened treats and maybe find some good souvenirs from antiquated Canadian sports teams (one of my all time favorite things). The wind on Sunday was worse than bitter, it was aggressively unpleasant, my four layers were no match for it's FURY! Old Montreal was really nice though, the maple sugar coffee bar we visited had the most ridiculously hip and hunky baristas I've ever seen, I was almost angry that they were also so adept at making hot chocolate. The wind, however, instantly changed my drink into lukewarm chocolate at best. We made our way through the port, past the ships and the Montreal Science Center stopping at a touch-screen event map to see what was going on once the weather warmed up.

To answer your question, yes I was standing on my toes in the above shot. Christie snapped a ton of pics as I discovered a Velcro Expos wallet and Quebec socks in a souvenir store. The most exciting event of the afternoon though was spotting what was either 1. Santa Claus on vacation. 2. God, dressed down. 3. The Lion from Narnia. or 4. A Mayan King. Some dude was dressed in what could only be described as a weird rug robe with a fluffy hat that kind of looked like hair, but also looked like buttered popcorn. He was also wearing jeans, boots, and sunglasses. It was truly abnormal and I feel so lucky to have seen it.

A quick stop at the grocery store and back home to relay the story of Lion-Santa-King-God to Megan and relax a bit more before the evening's pizza/movie festivities. I fell asleep with Ghost World over my face which, I was told, made it look like I WAS Enid. Which is fine with me. Once I informed Bri that I was in fact coming to MTL she invited me to a punk show that was taking place the night after her party. Although I appreciated the invitation and actually really did wanna go (it's been a long time since I've gone to anything heavy) I realized that only knowing one person at the show could turn me into a bit of a pest and as it was a Winnipeg band I didn't wanna get in the way of the reunion. All that being said, I'd like to thank Bri again for being so cool, and if the chance ever comes up again I will be there. So the night was set, Sci-Fi movies, homemade pizza and some dude named Adrian, an old friend of Megan's. The full extent of my knowledge of Adrain via Christe was: He draws dinosaurs. Haha. She may have said a bit more, but that was more than enough for me. He arrived looking and sounding bizarrely similar to another friend of mine named Chris. Over discussion of what to watch it became apparent that we four were in the mood to laugh and Groundhog Day was chosen as the pizza was served. It is from this point (around 7:30 maybe?) to about 12:30am that I and my dining partners do not stop laughing. Seriously, from Groundhog Day to Grandma's Boy (movies that oddly enough both featured songs written specifically for them) to Nick Swardson stand-up to Clone High (a hilarious show that I'd never even heard of) three of us had headaches from laughing by the end. Megan must have known what was coming and taken precautions, perhaps a pre-pizza Advil? It was an unbelievably fun night and a pretty perfect end to my visit. I can't say I ever thought I'd fall asleep while my inner monologue was in the voice of JFK.

Monday morning was weird in that I didn't know how long to stay, I didn't have a train to catch like I did last time, so it was kind of a limbo period. Christie was laid back as usual but I tend to think other people find me exhausting or intrusive, or some word like that, so I'm always assuming I'm overstaying my welcome. I decided to hit the road around 10:30 after factoring what kind of traffic I'd hit depending on other departure times. Looking back, I should have stayed longer, at least taken Christie up on her offer of brunch at some mysterious cafe (Rusty's? I want to say?). My trip home was completely devoid of joy, upon departure I listened to the Monks Black Monk Time all the way through twice and the first Tenacious D cd upon arrival home, the 5-6 hours in between were a mess. At one point I had to dodge garden tools that fell out of a pickup truck at top speeds, like hoes and rakes and all that garbage, hurtling towards the undercarriage of my lovely Civic! Are you serious!? I yelled as I swerved. That, of course, is not what I'm taking away from this little adventure. It was yet another unbelievably pleasant trip surrounded by people who are as considerate as they are intelligent and so fun to be around that it kept me awake on that ice cream sandwich. As I said in my last Canadian epilogue, I write this as no more than something to help me remember truly good times in my life, and to widely thank a varied group of people, think of it as a long winded public postcard that would otherwise read Thanks, Yr the best! opposite a picture of a goofy cat or disgruntled elderly iguana. I don't know, it all can sound a bit corny if you want it to, but I really do feel lucky to know all the people mentioned here.

International Women's Day

2011-03-08T16:21:00.000-08:00

I used to wear a NOW (National Organization for Women) shirt that said "A woman's place is EVERYPLACE!" on the back. One day while wearing this shirt in my Speech class at college a dude that sat behind me said, "Hey, I bet that shirt helps you get chicks..." or something like that.
Keep fighting ladies, some guys still think you're THAT stupid.

Jimmy

2011-03-02T06:33:00.000-08:00

I found this picture of my dad last night, it's one of my favorites. It's got a real "here I am, take it or leave it" feel, which is kind of how I try and live my life. When I gave this picture back to my mom last night (I feel like I borrowed it years ago, it was hiding in an old journal) the look on her face was the same she always gets when he comes up. It's been over 11 years since he died, which is insane to think about, but you can see she still really misses him. I had the opposite upbringing of what tends to be common for kids of my generation. Most of them had parents who hated each other and lived together until they got sick of each other and got divorced. My parents never lived together (not after I was born at least) but never got divorced and always loved each other. It was hard for my friends to wrap their heads around, understandably.

Here are some facts about my dad: He was a Marine sniper in Vietnam, he was actually shorter than me but infinitely stronger, he hated being called "dude", he was an excellent singer and wrote some really mind blowing poetry, he thought Barney the dinosaur was a dragon (for some reason I still find this hilarious), he carried a hunting knife everywhere, and was in a garage band in the 60's called Where's My Daughter (some guy once ran into their practice space and yelled that at one of them).

My mom told me that this picture was taken around the time they first met, which I estimate to be around '76?? I was born in '81 and they were together for years before I came along. They had a farm with all kinds of animals and several crazy ducks that I've heard more than a handful of stories about. Now, there's no way of knowing if what is so casually hanging from his lips is a "weed cigarette" or just some kind of rolled tobacco...I've never smoked pot in my life but I would never deny someone who had somewhat recently returned from serving in Vietnam a little relaxation. I remember bringing his Purple Heart medals in to show-and-tell and feeling like I totally smoked the competition. Only a certain kind of child can feel like he WON show-and-tell...I was this kind of child.

Let's not get it twisted, for the bulk of my adolescence my dad and I had a very tumultuous relationship. We always got along but I was very often embarrassed by his attitude and the way he acted. Chalk this up, as I later discovered, to the fact that I was a self-important whiny brat for the years in question. I didn't understand him and looking back on certain situations I'm actually embarrassed with how I acted. He didn't care how he was perceived and he was completely unashamed of who he was, which now I have great respect for, but at the time...ugh, let's just say I sucked and move on.

If your dad dies when you're a senior in high school you can't help but feel cheated, I was just beginning to understand him and vice-versa. I remember once he saw me in one of my Crass shirts that said Fight War Not Wars, Destroy Power Not People and he was really taken by it. That felt like one of those inter-generational moments where you connect with someone that was always a bit of a mystery, or at least had become one since you were a kid. I feel like that's the time, if you're a guy, when you're really supposed to get to know you're dad, once you are more-or-less, a man. Then again, I probably never would have become a man, or at least grown up and learned as much as I did from dealing with his death. It's hard to say, it's such heavy, life-altering stuff.

It's funny, I'm sitting here thinking of stories I could tell (or at least reference) and they're all slightly-to-very intense and could easily be misinterpreted. I hope I'm not making my dad seem like some kind of outlaw. He was just a guy who did everything he could to raise me right and keep me and my mom safe, which is exactly what a dad is supposed to do. I'm sure that not every kid spends time at his father's wake talking to his dad's old biker friends, but I did, and I'm thankful for it. You only get one dad and none of them are perfect but I'm glad James Muirhead was mine.

All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies...

2011-02-20T06:34:00.000-08:00

Location: Brooklyn, New York. Dog-hair-covered love seat in my friend Rob's apartment.

Time: 9:35 am, much too early to be up, but my body has been conditioned to wake up early no matter what.

On my mind: How to people get together?

I want to a bar last night, simply because there was nothing else to do. My friend Rob and I sat at the bar talking about all the work we didn't get done that evening - we were sidetracked by about 5 hours of the television show Minute To Win It, a show that we agreed would not hold either of our attention for more than said minute if we were to watch it alone, but with someone to watch with the drama increases and you can get REALLY into it. Anyway, as we talked the bar began to fill up, it wasn't 30 minutes between our arrival at an empty bar until it was at capacity. I had to cross the dance floor to get to the bathroom and in trying to get around some dude I inadvertently became his momentary dance partner. I was unwilling to participate as his buddies shouted "Do you know that guy?!?!?!" I assure you folks, he does not.

As the night went on my primary activity became people-watching, a gaggle of hip-ly dressed and hairstyled girls dominated the outer dance floor near my seat. I couldn't tell if it was an anti-guy girls night or a let's-all-go-out-and-find-husbands girls night, but I've never seen anyone dance as disinterestedly as they did...until Beyonce came on, of course. There were dudes too, no different than any other dudes I've ever seen in my life. Bar dudes all wear the same shirt, they all have the same moves, and they're all on "The Hunt". It's ALWAYS bothered me, and I say always because I've spent a lot of my life in bars. My dad would bring me around to all the bars he frequented when I was young, and I'd play pinball or Centipede and watch the sadness. Admittedly, local town bars at 2 pm are different from hipster bars at midnight, but only in the age and lifestyle of the clientele. It's still only two kinds of men - hunters and people who go there just because that's where they go. It sucks that I'm such a bar veteran since I hate almost every one I've ever been to, it's just not my scene.

I don't understand the mentality of bar culture, "hooking-up" and whatnot, it doesn't appeal to me. When I see people leave together I think, What the hell are you two going to do now?? What is the conversation?? Where are you going?? It feels somewhat juvenile to feel that way, but what's the alternative? It seems so sordid, doesn't it? Not that it can't work, I know my parents met at a bar and they were very, very much in love. I guess it just weirds me out to be in such an obvious situation.

I've lost my train of thought since I've spent the last twenty or so minutes watching/listening to The Velvet Underground on Youtube. Probably better that I end where I did. It's no secret that everything I write about love and longing and all of that is just the matter of the moment spilling out of my head. What if I had met someone really cool last night, would I be sitting here talking about how wrong I was about bars all my life? Maybe, but the odds of that are such that I doubt I have to worry. I already know plenty of cool people, maybe I just need to relax. I'm really wishing I brought the first Velvet Underground record with me for the car ride home.

An Evening At Club Silencio

2011-02-17T06:56:00.000-08:00

Last night before bed I got caught up watching David Lynch's Mulholland Drive. I haven't seen that movie in about...five or six years I guess, certainly not all the way through, since it's kind of agonizingly long if you're not up for it. Just about every DL movie has a boogeyman: Twin Peaks had Bob, Lost Highway had Robert Blake doing whoever that character was, Blue Velvet has Dennis Hopper being a complete maniac...Mulholland Drive's bogeyman is bit player but every ounce as terrifying. I believe the character is called "Bum", he seems to represent the seedy underbelly of Hollywood, or maybe a loss of innocence, or the dark side of fame. No matter what he actually IS, about 17 minutes into the film he gives a scare that I'm sure I'll never forget. This moment is the real reason I'm writing this at all.
The first time I saw this movie, however many years ago it came out, I was the first of the core group of my friends to see it. My friend Sean and I are huge fans of David Lynch and the first time the 'bum' arrives on the screen was so memorable that I had to tell him about it. I thought about this moment last night, I knew I paused the movie and got in touch with Sean to tell him how great it was so far, but I had no idea how I got in touch with him. My first viewing of this film pre-dates my having a cell phone- so it wasn't via text (I don't even know if texting existed back then), I had no internet access- so it's wasn't via email or whatever social network we were using at the time (Makeoutclub?? Friendster??), I was baffled. Once it finally hit me I felt like an idiot, I called him. I just plain CALLED him on the TELEPHONE. My big ol' beige rotary phone that I had back then. I called him and left a message (I think) about how awesomely terrifying the movie was thus far.
It seems like nothing really, but it was kind of an intense reminder of how communication has changed in just a few years. I never call anyone, honestly. My recent phone history is all calls to my house or to my work and that's it. Everyone else I know I communicate to with texts or on Facebook or Twitter. I'm not trying to put down social networking, I think it's great, and I'm not the kind of person who is going to sit here and say that I long for simpler times (though I do on occasion), that's not really what I'm talking about. It's simply the difference between letting a friend know about something great via a phone call vs. a series of tubes.
Sounds like old news reading it back, and of course it is. I don't know, it just struck me, so I figured I'd put it out there. Into the tubes.

IN DEFENSE OF VALENTINE'S DAY...

2011-02-14T06:43:00.000-08:00

A list of 101 things that I love, in no particular order:

White sunglasses. Christmas music. Fake antagonism. Sing-a-longs. My friends. Grilled cheese sandwiches. Cool yet mostly useless superheroes like Hawkeye and Gambit. Water. Dioramas. Dustin Hoffman. Having somewhat deep conversations with people I've just met. Magazines. Canada. The movie Ed Wood. Checkered Vans slip-ons. Swimming. Mid-90's Jennifer Aniston. Sweaters. Bill Murray singing More Than This in the karaoke scene in Lost In Translation. Field trips. Hockey. Frank Lloyd Wright. Distance libs. Baby jungle cats. Dancing. Having very deep conversations with people I've known for a long time. The way that Scottish singers half-sing and half-talk their lyrics. Mummies. Audrey Horne. Making faces. When people look really good in leather jackets because I know I could never pull it off. The Galapagos Islands. Polka dots. Jean-Luc Godard. Being in a taxi in Manhattan. When girls wear monogrammed clothing. Every single thing about John Waters. Cool t-shirts. Outer space. Early R.E.M. Tony Kornheiser. Water parks. Oscar Wilde. Camo shorts in the summertime. Lo-fi. Cupcakes. The movie Fright Night. Sending and/or receiving postcards. Being from New Jersey. Aquafresh toothpaste. Argyle socks. Miniature golf. The B-52's. Libraries. Creeping fog. Seeing turtles in the wild. Trapper Keepers. French anything. Finding other people who still listen to cassettes. Phil Hartman. Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Lemmy. Dinosaurs. Michael J. Fox. Shirts with snap buttons rather than regular buttons. The Union Jack. 30 Rock. Vermiform Records. Wearing a tie. Billy the Exterminator. Kids between the ages of 1-5 (before they become obnoxious). Balki Bartokomous. Thrift stores. Lemons. White Zombie. High school history textbooks. JANE. Hanging out. Frida Kahlo. John Dwyer. Border collies. Air conditioning. Romantic comedies. A nice long walk. Scarves. Staying overnight. Robert Cormier books. Being humorously creeped-out. Lemonade. Advil. Songs about monsters. Wrap-around porches. Zooey. The Aggro Crag. Chocolate milk/hot chocolate. My family. Apples to Apples. Scary Stories To Tell In the Dark. In-depth discussions of Mad Men. The movie Clue. Kathleen Hanna.

DISTANCE LIBS: VOLUME TEN

2011-02-03T06:14:00.000-08:00

"The Planets"

There are nine planets in our solar system. They all dawdle around the hunk, which is what scientists call the sun. The sun is a gigantic ball of noble, which has been doggy-paddling for millions of years. Jupiter is the largest Big League Chew in our solar stuffed crust pizza. Earth is the fifth largest Roomba. We must always remember, however, that we live in a very sardoodledom solar system, which is only a tiny baby in the galaxy, which is part of the whole bodacious universe. Saturn is almost as large as Jupiter. It is surrounded by a big linguine, which is really a lot of small moons and pieces of rock that are spelunking around the planet. The planet closest to the sun is called Esta and the one farthest away is called Reuben.

DISTANCE LIBS: VOLUME NINE

2011-01-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

"Bird-Watching and Vice Versa"

Bird-watching can be more fun than a barrel of Popes. Our dastardly feathered friends are everywhere, waiting to be watched. An interesting bird to start with is the electrifying oriole, which builds it's nest in Wizard Island trees. Early in spring, we hear the oriole give it's mating call, which sounds like this: "Green-Tea-Frap." Then the male and female get together and mutate. Later, the female lays four billion quintzillion million eggs. Isn't that incandescent? Another fascinating bird is the opulent-breasted nuthatch. The nuthatch is very tame. He will fly down and land right on your inner ear and eat out of your woodland creatures. Other birds to watch out for are the red-crested Spanish Goldblum, the famous-necked thrush, and the yellow-bellied Patty sucker. Now that you know something about birds, get out there and watch!

Winston and Rufus Sing the Hits

2011-01-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

I spent the bulk of Saturday and Sunday with my buddy Rob at his place in Brooklyn working on projects for the future, talking about television and dogs and whatever people in their late-twenties to early-thirties talk about. When I mention the fact that we were working, picture George and Jerry in his apartment trying to write the pilot for his NBC sitcom, though I believe we got farther than they did on their first try. When I mention talking about television, I mean of course that we watched the first episode of the new NBC superhero drama The Cape, and I only bring it up to warn others, avoid this show at all cost. It's uncommonly bad. However, there were one or two things on the tube worth watching.
Yes, that is the airplane scene from Jurassic Park III. It's hard to argue that JP3 is a good movie when the opposition can point out that raptors will NOT eat you if you simply give them back their egg and blow into a state-of-the-art raptor voicebox.

Anyway, besides TV the only other entertainment was Rob's dogs, Winston and Rufus, blurrily pictured here begging for food like...well, animals.

These are some great pups, a little in your face, occasionally barky, true shed-machines, but fine company.

The rest of the visit was pretty standard, a bar with an Avatar pinball machine (seems too current, what are you trying to prove??), a jukebox that must have made a fortune (two bucks for seven songs that never played, even after 2 1/2 of waiting), and an assortment of games (I had to restrain myself from asking strangers if I could join their Apples to Apples jamboree). Leaving there I picked up an ill-advised 4am quesadilla and attempted to get some rest on love seat that Rufus would soon make his own.

It's not hard to see here that I don't really have a ton to say about this weekend, but it was a great time and I'm making an effort to write more about day-to-day life (should help to stir the creative juices) and take more pictures (why buy a camera if you're not going to use it?). Maybe 2011 can be a return to form of sorts, there's so much worth remembering.

Remainders and Reminders

2011-01-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last five days, to put it as simply as possible, sad. It hasn't been constant or overwhelming or obsessive (though all three have come close), it's just been an overall emotional malaise that I can't kick. My personal life has been thrown into upheaval lately and the general post-holiday grayness and solitude hasn't helped any. Every time I hear the word sad I think of that Simpsons episode where Lisa has the note that says she can't participate in Gym class because she is sad. Oh, the life of an only-child, television as touchstone, cartoons as companions. If only The Cable Guy was a better film, maybe some of us would have received the help we so desperately needed.
How do other people get over things? I feel like I've spent every day of my life trying to forget someone or something, and I'm completely clueless on whether or not that is something we all have in common. I have friends that it would seem let everything roll right off their back and hardly ever feel the need to give a second thought to things that would consume me. I think the answer is in my head as I'm typing right now, the idea that I don't want to get into it. I don't feel like it's worth mentioning, or maybe somehow that I'm putting anyone out by letting them know what's going on in my head. So why am I writing? The idea of screaming in an empty room comes to mind.
As with everything else in my life I turn to music. Don't worry, this isn't some long winded pseudo-sappy introduction to a Top 5 Albums To Cry To list, that feels like it would be far too depressing to even attempt to write. No, all I'm really saying is that my time as-of-late has been spent surrounded by the only things in the world that let me feel like myself no matter what's going on. Unfortunately, most of the music I've purchased lately has been what Barry would describe as "old sad bastard music" and has only exacerbated the gloom. I picked a hell of a time to get into the Microphones! My Roots Are Strong and Deep is a beautiful song but leave it on repeat and it's basically an auditory OD of sleeping pills. Same thing with Dragon by The Amazing, as lovely as it is, it couldn't sound like more of a 60's throwback kick in the teeth.
My love of detail tends to die a quick and relatively painless death anytime I begin to feel this way. Another casualty of assuming no one actually wants to know what's wrong. Specificity seems pointless anyway, and love of detail has been reborn as the urge for anonymity. Besides, maybe if what was actually bothering me was specific I could treat it as such. I'm left wondering if I've ever had a positive beginning-of-the-year. The older I get the more mature certain problems become, fittingly. Used to be it was a girl not paying attention to me while my debilitating shyness stabbed me in the back. Who would've thought I'd long for those days, but I was surrounded by friends and the hope of tomorrow night. I guess I still am, I know I still am, but opportunities dwindle and you realize regrets you never knew you had. This, I know, is universal.
I guess bravery is at the forefront these days. Having the fortitude and energy to go after the things I really want, it's never been my strong suit. Just writing that seems self-defeating, something I'm desperate to shake off in every facet of my life. How can I lament opportunities if I never make the effort, and how can I expect anyone to care? It's like living stage fright, I'm not quite retreating, but I'm doing enough not to progress. Maybe that's why I'm writing. It's one thing to think it, it's a whole other to let it out publicly and let people know that you know it just the same as they do. I don't get stage fright. I wrote and performed an anti-drug play in 5th grade at a D.A.R.E. assembly! The issue, which just hit me actually, is material. The worry that I don't have "what it takes", as they say. That seems like a joke, but upon reflection, it's been with me since the start.
Good god, it's everything at once lately. If I was someone else I'd say I need a vacation! Relaxation, in my experience, comes from contentedness so therefore a vacation would be useless. I guess maybe I just needed to (reservedly) spill my guts and allow myself to say that sometimes life gets rough. I feel ridiculous but that's nothing new and it's all in the sake of evolution, so I'll embrace it.

A Stroll Down Memory Lame

2011-01-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

This is a survey I found in my old Livejournal, the recollections are approximate but accurate.

15 years ago, I:

1. Was 14.
2. Went and saw Ozzy by myself (while my aunt waited in the parking lot), and was passed a joint and refused because I was scared and I didn't know what it was.
3. Had hair down to my shoulders and looked like a weird, crappy Kurt Cobain.
4. Brought my iguana Skt in to school when she broke her arm because she had a huge U-shaped cast across her front arms (or are they legs??)
5. Was just getting in to punk after my friend Matt gave me a cassette with a Fat Wreck Chords compilation and a Screeching Weasel album on it.

10 years ago, I:

1. Was 19.
2. Repeatedly cut math class my first year of college to hang out with some girl I had a crush on.
3. Was still driving my first car, the awesome Prelude.
4. Constantly made mixtapes because my awesome Prelude had a tape deck.
5. Was a total loser.

5 years ago, I:

1. Was 24.
2. Had my first ever girlfriend and lived in a house with 4 of my best friends.
3. Worked at Barnes & Noble, at the time I think I had just started in the Cafe.
4. Often stayed up very late playing Space Hospital (a pirated version of Dr. Mario that came in a console shaped like a penguin that we named Esteban after seeing The Life Aquatic).
5. In a Communications class presentation where we had to share things about ourselves I played footage of my high school band Rowsdower, brought in a clothes-less Michael Jackson doll I've had since I was little, and explained in the ins and outs of creating mixtapes to a classroom full of people who (kind of) couldn't care less.

3 years ago, I:

1. Was 26.
2. Lived with said first girlfriend and started my current job.
3. Had a horrible diet leading to weight gain and the eventual loss of my gallbladder.
4. Was still using Myspace.
5. Was exceedingly boring.

1 year ago, I:

1. Was 28.
2. Was praying that I would never again have a kidney stone (side effect of the week of hospitalization and subsequent week of bed rest from my laparoscopic cholecystectomy and pancreatitis).
3. Had crushes on several girls (said girlfriend and I broke in up early-'09) that, looking back, were ridiculous. The crushes, not the girls. It would be some time before I remembered how to be single, and how much I enjoyed it.
4. At some point was introduced to Apples to Apples (and life would never be the same).
5. Got very, very in to 30 Rock (and life would never be the same).

Yesterday, I:

1. Was 29.
2. Made up substitute names for Count Chocula out of boredom.
3. Listened to a record by The Cato Salsa Experience that I LOVED in '02 (it didn't do much for me yesterday).
4. Wore argyle socks.
5. Woke up at 3am to Iron & Wine playing on a Jimmy Fallon rerun (though I guess that should count for early today, right?)

Today, I:

1. Really wanna find Esteban and see if I can get him to work again.
2. Am thankful that it's Friday (which is a trite, businessy thing to say, but today it's very true, so why not?)
3. Hope to go out and party, however the odds are not in my favor.
4. Changed my Facebook profile picture to the cover of the French version of my favorite Goosebumps book The Girl Who Cried Monster.
5. Have not texted anyone.

Tomorrow, I:

1. Will forge a lasting peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians.
2. Will find a bag of money and use it to create a home studio and begin recording music under the moniker Elegance Squared.
3. Will enter an Apples to Apples tournament and after 5 days of intense non-stop competition, will come in fourth.
4. Will discover a secret, hidden rainforest in my backyard - but will be too tired from all that other stuff to do any exploring.
5. May discover that I can't predict the future.

Haikus of Love: A Trinity.

2010-12-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

Romantic rumba
My heart is the canister
For sadness droplets.

I'll play saxophone
Through your window
2 seduce U, girl. (Or boy, depending on personal preference).

I can't believe your
Favorite restaurant is
Applebee's. That's gross.

Sweeping Generalizations Under the Rug: 2010 - The Year in Review

2010-11-29T08:34:00.000-08:00

Let me be brief, this is my third annual countdown/wrap-up/summation/celebration of the best (and worst) records, songs, and miscellanea in music. As always I like to state that I am not a professional reviewer, meaning only that I don't get paid (or published) and I don't get free records from labels. The only explanation for this list, I guess, is my compulsive need to categorize, criticize, and share with other music lovers. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read, agree/disagree, and/or respond to this - my personal documentation of 2010, a surprisingly decent year in music.
Note: The only list that is presented in order of quality is the Top Ten Albums list, everything else is just collected, not ranked.

Top Ten Albums of 2010:

1. Innerspeaker by Tame Impala - This record is outstanding. Not because of some existential nonsense or groundbreaking instrumentation or genre defining paradigm shift, but just because of how it sounds. The actual music is perfect, it's one of the most pleasurable listening experiences I've ever had (and it better have been since I paid like thirty dollars for it, damn Australian import prices). Tame Impala blend catchiness, spaced-out effects, and garage crunch better than anyone using that formula right now, which is saying a lot, but they do it in a way that isn't overstated or obvious. Alter Ego, Desire Be Desire Go, and I Don't Really Mind are so effortlessly enjoyable it's as if they were created by some kind of Skynet-esque computer system to overthrow the world of popular music. However, Tame Impala is just a trio of Aussie dudes making a lot of (much appreciated) noise. Ironically, the only song I tend to skip is the album's first single Solitude Is Bliss, everything else is gold. The experimental era Beatles come to mind as an influence in both vocal style and song writing, but honestly, when don't they? Andorra era Caribou and Dungen are probably the best current touchstones (actually, Tame Impala sound exactly like what I hoped Dungen would sound like when I first got into them, no disrespect to Dungen). The overall vibe of this record is a kind of kaleidoscopic Earthtone voyage, the best of what this exact type of genre can create. Seriously brilliant.

2. No Mas by Javelin - Dance music. It was one of my very first loves, an only child listening to the radio every night, who could resist Rhythm Is A Dancer? Once you love dance music it never goes away, it gets in your marrow. I feel a kinship with the Brookylnites that make up Javelin because No Mas is a love letter to dance music. It's not disco, because it's a DJ record, and it's not a DJ record because it's more expansive than that - if that makes sense. I can't imagine that much (if any) of this record is instrumentation rather than electronic programming, but it feels present and live in a way that most other DJ/electronic bands either can't or don't want to achieve. It's got heart is more or less what I'm trying to say. Shadow Heart and Off My Mind are honest-to-goodness love songs, perfect for lonely yet optimistic drives home. No Mas does have another trick up it's sleeve however, it's also fun. Remember fun? Remember actually enjoying music? The tracks come and go unobtrusively and are infinitely replay-able. We Ah Wi, Oh Centra (which finally makes good use of that weird high-pitched singing effect that I usually hate), and Moscow 1980 are fantastic and build on the reputation Javelin already have in certain circles. I'd also love to know why soothing and enigmatic closer Goal/Wide wasn't the official theme song of the 2010 World Cup. This is a smart, fully-realized, and infectious dance record that anyone who cares should be all over.

3. Heartland by Owen Pallett/Final Fantasy - I can't even really begin to discuss or dissect Heartland, it's otherworldly, it's not something you see on the shelf every year. Owen Pallett has spent years arranging and composing music for highly acclaimed bands (Arcade Fire, Grizzly Bear) as well as crafting his own orchestral masterpieces under the Final Fantasy pseudonym (which I hope he keeps, or at least makes up his mind about). Heartland is his first "big" album, at least, it's the first one that's getting any kind of mass attention. His music is based around violin loops and orchestral backing along with his peculiar sort of dynamic altar boy vocal delivery. I thought this record was a flop after the first few listens, but it has a slow-burn style to it, it's delicate and tragic and gorgeous if you can appreciate the care that has been taken. The pinnacle is reached with Oh Heartland, Up Yours! (X-Ray Spex references always work on me), an almost too-quiet-for-it's-own-good not-quite-centerpiece that is either an indictment or a celebration of Pallett's native Canada - or about something else entirely (I told you I couldn't discuss or dissect this record!!). Red Sun No. 5 and The Great Elsewhere are other personal faves, but this album (maybe more than any other I'll mention) needs to be experienced independently. Take it on a long car trip or just put on your headphones and let it go, Heartland is worth your time.

4. This is Happening by LCD Soundsystem - Ever since I got into LCD Soundsystem I've been kind of half-assedly obsessed with the man behind it all, James Murphy. Not uncommon for dudes of my ilk. Nevertheless, I read articles about him, buy almost everything he has a hand in, and keep my eyes peeled for him whenever I'm in New York or at a record store - he is from Princeton Junction after all. All that being said, I didn't love the last LCD record (2007's Sound of Silver) and I kind of wasn't super excited for this record. I bought it, it sat around in my room, I'd listen from time to time, 'Oh, All I Want is a pretty good song', ho-humming it all the way. It wasn't until about a month or two ago that I really sat with it and let it sink in. Obvious revelation - it's phenomenal. Every song is a quality listen, though occasionally I may skip Drunk Girls or Somebody's Calling Me, but that's just moodiness at work. The opener, Dance Yrself Clean is nearly nine minutes long and engrossing from start to finish, All I Want is probably the best song Murphy's ever written, and Home perfectly closes out the record and maybe the band if Murphy stays true to his promise to "quit" after finishing this album's tour. Not only are James Murphy and LCD Soundsystem the epitome of a full-band, hardworking dance music act, but this record serves as a document of certain success for an artist (and I rarely use that word) doing exactly what he wants, exactly the way he wants.

5. Before Today by Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - I was introduced, musically, to Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti in the summer of 2005 and ever since then I've been waiting for this record. Before Today is his first legitimate studio album with a REAL band and REAL drums (previous records had surprisingly well done mouth-drumming) and, maybe most important of all, REAL expectations. APHG has been plugging away for years, keeping it LO-FI, writing songs about life in LA, saving yourself for Kate Bush, and of course evil. There was always the aura of nonchalance about his CD-R's and AM-radio-at-the-bottom-of-the-sea production style, but now he's on 4AD, the game has changed. To quote Rock n' Roll High School, "this is the big time girlie, this is rock n' roll". Before Today is, as I had imagined, unflinching. Ariel's psychotic pop compositions are just as great as ever, they just sound better now. He hits all the marks: un-ironic Alan Parsons soft-rockiness (Can't Hear My Eyes), South-Californian teenie-bopping (Beverly Kills), and a truly brilliant and absurdly catchy cover of a forgotten nugget called Bright Lit Blue Skies. There's a cool Crass-style bass line to open Revolution's A Lie and my personal favorite, Fright Night, has a demonic synth hook that will stay stuck in your head for days. Before Today is visionary in the way that only Ariel Pink tends to be and is the sound of an underground genius making good on years of promise.

6. Relayted by Gayngs - I know almost nothing about Gayngs except that they have a great name and are apparently some sort of supergroup. The $1.99 copy of this record that I purchased came with nothing but a track listing and CD, but these days I'll go for anything on Jagjaguar. After about thirty seconds of unprejudiced listening I was hooked. If you can allow yourself to appreciate a band that blends 80's buddy-cop movie guitar solos, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony style vocal layering, more than a touch of Godley & Creme, and an unwaveringly earnest approach then you may just fall for this record the same way I did. Opening track, The Gaudy Side of Town is true baby-making-music and sets down a groove unlike any other heard this year. Gayngs inhabit a space populated by electric pianos, echoing saxophones, and far-off dub drumming reminiscent of the short-lived pre-Mars Volta act Defacto. Maybe all you need to know about this record can be understood through some of the song titles: Spanish Platinum, Faded High, and The Last Prom on Earth seem to say more than I ever could. There is a misstep here and there, but overall this record is refreshingly different and incredibly well-made.

7. Strange Weather, Isn't It? by !!! - 2007's Myth Takes was a bit of a revelation, I've wanted to like this band ever since the early 00's, the days of Dance Punk, or whatever we called it back then. !!! (Chk Chk Chk) is one of the only bands to survive that era along with Liars and, to a much lesser degree, The Rapture. Myth Takes was amazing and essentially what I had always hoped they would sound like, so I was pretty eager for the next record. However, in Novemeber 2009 !!! member and all-around NYC multi-tasker Jerry Fuchs died tragically when he fell down an elevator shaft. I'm unclear as to how far into the recording process they were, Fuchs does appear on one track, fittingly it's the closer, The Hammer. Soldiering on and employing a crew of replacement drummers and additional instrumentalists !!! released Strange Weather, Isn't it? and once again created something both entertaining and genre defying. After you get past the mediocre opening track AM/FM it's a solid block of about six really solid funk/dance-rock songs from the shimmer of The Most Certain Sure to the dark soulfulness of Hollow. With the addition of a great supporting cast and solid production Strange Weather, Isn't It? outshines Myth Takes and prepares !!! for a break in to the mainstream...too bad the mainstream's idea of funk begins and ends with Maroon 5.

8. Maniac Meat by Tobacco - The day I purchased this record I had serendipitously run into two old friends at the record store. On the walk to get dinner before seeing Piranha 3D I let them know my feelings on Tobacco: "It's the dude from Black Moth Super Rainbow and all the songs pretty much sound the same, so you kind of either like it or you don't, and I do." That being said, this record is great. It really is, it's got an unassailable quality to it, it feels immune to criticism. I'm not saying it's a perfect record, but it moves along with a dirty insouciance and it doesn't care if you're on board. Songs like Sweatmother and Motorlicker (Tobacco's song titles are pretty incomparable) are what I would imagine punks would listen to in bad movies about apocalyptic futures. If Total Recall came out today I wouldn't be surprised to hear Tobacco playing in a Mars nightclub. The real feather-in-the-cap of Maniac Meat is Fresh Hex, one of two tracks with guest vocals from Beck. Complete with alliteration in the key of "C", Fresh Hex comes and goes before you can even appreciate it's sleazy beauty. Luckily this record sounds as fresh on the twentieth listen as it does on the first. One or two points off for some overly-long tracks towards the end and the creepiest (in a bad way) cover art of the year, but Maniac Meat is another huge step forward and easily the best recording to come out of the Black Moth Super Rainbow camp to date.

9. Transference by Spoon - As their popularity grows, one day someone is going to have to compile a Spoon Greatest Hits collection, anyone familiar with the band's catalogue can imagine what a daunting task this will be. I saw Spoon earlier this year and something you can easily forget is just how many great songs Britt Daniel and Co. have written over the past 16 years. They played for hours and I found myself saying, "Oh yeah this one...oh yeah that one...oh right, Jonathon Fisk!!" It's absurd. The point I'm trying to make, albeit slowly, is that the aforementioned eventual task got a bit harder this year. Transference serves as a strange yet fan-pleasing follow-up to 2007's would-be hit-maker Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. This album is more claustrophobic and metered and even a signature stomper like Trouble Comes Running is muted and reserved - although that doesn't take away from it being one of the best songs they're ever released. Before Destruction and Who Makes Your Money are somewhat coy but unmistakeably mid-tempo Spoon while Written In Reverse and Got Nuffin are the kind of rockers that no Spoon record comes without. Is Love Forever and The Mystery Zone are a little under and over-cooked, respectively, but don't hurt the overall appeal of the album. Spoon has been this good for a long time and it's nice to see that they're not afraid to do something left-of-center. They made a fan-centric record when they were primed to crossover, effectively showing us what really matters.

10. In the Court of the Wrestling Let's by Let's Wrestle - I bought this record for two reasons. 1. It's on Merge, and 2. The title, I hate to pass up a good King Crimson reference. Off to a Princeton side street, into my car and on with the awkwardly yet wistfully named Let's Wrestle. About a minute into the first track I decided that I would never again buy an unknown CD at full price, that's how much I disliked whatever this crap was. Driving home I kind of warmed up to the lead singer's odd, unpolished voice and the songwriting definitely got better as it moved along. Mix in a few classic lonely guy lyrics and I was a fan by the time I pulled in the driveway. Let's Wrestle, as it turns out, are a charmingly amateurish group of punks (??) from England. The real strength in this album is in it's nostalgic feel, every time I hear it I feel like it should have been released on Elephant 6 or Kindercore in the late 90's. It's not punk, as the members of LW have stated, at least not musically, but it does have the energetic spirit of bands like Olivia Tremor Control and Elf Power. Usually the 10 spot on my lists is reserved for underachievers, but this year I thought I'd change it up completely. Let's Wrestle have the potential to not only be a reminder of what was great in the past but also a really fun off-beat success story.

Top 15 Songs of 2010 (that are not featured on the Top 10 Albums):

1. Lottery Dust from Feel Good Together by Drummer - Maybe my favorite song of the year?? I don't know. No, probably not, but great nonetheless. Drummer is a sort-of supergroup with the drummer from The Black Keys (playing bass), the guitar player from (one of my favorite bands ever) The Party Of Helicopters (playing guitar for the first time since POH broke up), and a few other Ohio natives - all of which are primarily drummers, hence the awful name. The record is decent, six or seven really strong songs, but Lottery Dust is a monster and the only track where they really seem to be at full-power.

2. Sentimental X's from Forgiveness Rock Record by Broken Social Scene - I got REALLY into BSS this year, kind of out of nowhere. I was going through a Canadian band phase (which persists!) and I figured I'd give them a listen. I see now that I always had the wrong impression of them. They're really skilled at building on a single structure and turning it into something you didn't expect. It also seems like their secret formula has something to do with a vocal cadence that I can't accurately describe in words, sort of a fragile pacing and momentary change in pitch. Anyway, Sentimental X's is amazing, it's a real wool blanket of a song. A compact little drum beat and soft, slowly ascending vocals make it a perfect pop song.

3. Swim from Astro Coast by Surfer Blood - I don't know what it is about this song, I just love it. The record wasn't great, the band doesn't seem very interesting, but this one just hooked me. Described by the band as a mix between The Cure and Andrew W.K., it's much closer to Party Hard than Charlotte Sometimes, but it's a severely catchy simple track that's easy to fall for.

4. Helicopter from Halcyon Digest by Deerhunter - When I saw Deerhunter this past summer this is what they opened with and what struck me more than anything was the bass. It was dominating, and although the album version is less drastic and has a strange, almost metronome sounding drum track, it's still a really stunning song. The soothing vocal delivery and gentle guitar work are juxtaposed with the intense subject matter giving it a distinctly Deerhunter feel. The album may have been a letdown (wait for it) but this song is fantastic.

5. Scrappy from Oh, Light by Careful - As far as I can tell this record slipped through the proverbial cracks the moment it was released, I never heard a word about it. I bought it for $1.99 because it looked interesting and was very pleasantly surprised. Think Horn of Plenty era Grizzly Bear, really intimate bedroom pop with the standard glitchiness and reverb you'd expect from something released circa now. Scrappy is short and sweet and the kind of hidden treasure that record stores were made for.

6. If You Can't See My Mirrors from Together by The New Pornographers - I may be biased, but New Pornographers tracks where Destroyer mastermind Dan Bejar takes lead vocal tend to be my favorites. Together was another strong effort from these indie stalwarts and I suppose I could have chosen almost any cut to make my list, but this one has a particular hold on me - probably because I dislike the title so much. Is it about a truck driver falling in love? Who knows, it's just a quirky, enjoyable song which is standard for these guys.

7. Down On Loving from The Soft Pack by The Soft Pack - Formerly known as The Muslims, The Soft Pack play VERY straightforward rock music that I tend to think they view as slightly more subversive than it is. This is the best song from a mostly forgettable album with three or four really nice tracks. C'mon is just as good.

8. Vacation from Beach Fossils by Beach Fossils - I heard this song one time on the radio but missed the artist run-down, I then spent the next two days searching the station's website for the name of this band. All I knew was that it came on around 8am and that the Velvet Underground were played right after. On the second day I realized I was looking at the wrong listing, found the correct one, and instantly was on the hunt for Beach Fossils. Not dissimilar to Real Estate (...and I imagine a thousand other bands), I have no problem with this type of sound flooding the indie marketplace. This song was also the unofficial theme song for my October trip to Montreal.

9. Stylo from Plastic Beach by Gorillaz - Let me set the record straight: I don't like Blur and I don't like Gorillaz, but this song is SO GOOD that I actually went out and bought this record...used. Simply put, this song is irresistible. Other than On Melancholy Hill the rest of the album is exactly what I expected, but Stylo is gonna be around for a while, deservedly so.

10. Post Acid from King of the Beach by Wavves - No one likes Wavves. Well, apparently some people do, but I haven't met any of them. On this new album the traditional Wavves sound has been somewhat cast aside for a cleaner more 'radio-friendly' vibe, and I have no problem with that. The record overall is so-so, just like the previous releases, but the sense of enjoyment that comes through in the really good songs has kept me listening. It's nice that there's a band out there that is so devoutly juvenile in it's efforts, nothing here is to be taken seriously which is a relief from the layers of pretense that tend to coat so many other current releases.

11. Mouthful of Diamonds from Eyelid Movies by Phantogram - I heard this song about 40,000 times on the radio this year, and probably all from the same DJ. This song has a familiarity about it and will tend to stick with you until you hear it a second and third time. This is what people mean when they say a song is crafted. It sounds groomed. Every moment is just right and I'm shocked I haven't heard it on a commercial yet.

12. Digging For Something from Majesty Shredding by Superchunk - I'd like to subtitle this song How Not To Get Soft After 20+ Years. More than just being cool, this should serve as a reference to the scores of aged bands who are trying to regain their long-lost magic. It's not easy to remain relevant for so many years, but it would seem Superchunk hasn't lost a step.

13. I Remember from Odd Blood by Yeasayer - Can I give two seconds of praise to a hipster band for writing a legitimate love song before you roll your eyes? I guess I don't even know what hipster music is anymore, is everything I mentioned hipster stuff? Who cares. This is a seriously beautiful song from one of the best named bands in music.

14. Walk In The Park from Teen Dream by Beach House - The duo behind Beach House kicked it up a notch this year. Their last record was good, a little too somber and occasionally uneven, but decent. This one, however, was great. It feels like things have finally congealed, their sound is completely hypnotic and every song draws you in. This track seemed to stand out to me, but wherever you turn on Teen Dream you can't really go wrong.

15. In Every Direction from Fields by Junip - Junip is the band that singer/songwriter Jose Gonzales was with prior to his solo work, and this is their first release since an EP back in 2006. It's a really great record and this song is one of the strongest, maybe being the opening track gave it more of an impression, but it's undeniably catchy. I'd also like to take a moment to advise all mellow stoners to buy this record, or download it, or whatever you stoners do.

Top 5 Favorites of 2010, Not Of 2010 (Meaning that I didn't get into these records/artists until this year, just to clarify):

1. Fits by White Denim - Why is this band not extremely popular? Why was this CD buried under the counter with a $1.99 sticker on it? I'll tell you why: Because no one cares that this album was ever released. As hyperbolic as that sounds (and of course it's supposed to be) I don't think it's very far off. This record has a little bit of everything from My Bloody Valentine-esque walls of sound to legitimate southern riff-rock to cleverly plodding guitar jams. I heard a few things about this band in magazines here and there, but not until I heard the record did I really pay any attention. Fits offers something that not many other records do and is completely underrated and worth discovering.

2. Japandroids - Like several other entities that I now love (LCD Soundsystem, No Age, and the TV show Garth Marenghi's Darkplace to name a few) I arbitrarily disliked Japandroids until I gave them a chance. I didn't like their album cover, or the fact that their songs were so long, or whatever else. It's an issue I've always struggled with, but it's rather easily overcome. Japandroids are a duo out of Vancouver that play simple, shouty, up-tempo not-quite-punk/post rock. They supply endless sing-a-longs and have released two records - 2009's Post Nothing and 2010's No Singles (a collection of earlier, previously released recordings). Both of these records are worth checking out, the first three tracks on No Singles should be more than enough to draw you in.

3. No Age (and to a lesser degree Mika Miko)- Why did it take me so long to give No Age a chance? Oh, that's right, because I don't trust SUB POP. Unless it's a David Cross comedy album, I look at anything on that label through squinted, glaring eyes, as if it's a pack of wild teens loitering outside of a...wait a minute...the last David Cross album sucked too! Anyway, No Age is something of an anomaly: A legitimately punk guitar and drum duo with experimental tendencies on a fairly major label, who regularly update thier blog, play on national TV, and get nominated for Grammies. I guess the duo-as-rock-group template is fairly common these days, probably another reason I was so wary. No Age's sound is comprised mainly of fuzz, crackle, and shouts, but in a bubblegum kind of way, and is completely devoid of swagger, which is uncommon to say the least. Perhaps if I'd had enough time to completely digest their new record Everything In Between it would have made my top ten, I'd say it currently sits at #14 or 15, and the track Shed and Transcend is a current favorite.
After discovering No Age I also discovered some of the other bands from their scene, chief among them Mika Miko, an all-girl (though it appears they've added a dude or two) punk band that blends the sounds of post punk and classic California punk. A little Delta 5, a little Adolescents, and just the right amount of snottiness. These two bands are great examples of current West Coast punk for discerning listeners.

4. There's No 666 In Outer Space by Hella - As far as I knew, when I plucked this disc from the used bin, Hella was an extremely talented experimental instrumental two piece, and that was enough for me. There's No 666 In Outer Space was a bit of a shock in that this record features a full band, sprawling epically technical songwriting, and a maniacal singer who sounds like what I imagine the guy from The Jesus Lizard sounding like - since I've never heard them. Think classic Chris Cornell if he was a mad scientist who loved Faith No More. Songs like Dull Fangs, Anarchists Just Wanna Have Fun, and Friends Don't Let Friends Win are hideous in the best way and challenge the listener to use a term that's been long demonized: Avant Garde. Though I'm an avid fan of classification, I couldn't come up with anything to call this record, other than heavy and brilliant. Buy it.

5. The Odd Couple by Gnarls Barkley - I've never been a fan of Danger Mouse's production whether it be with The Black Keys, The Rapture, or any of the other bands he's worked with. I also didn't like the first Gnarls Barkley release at all. It wasn't until I heard Going On on the radio that I took notice of The Odd Couple. I'm not saying it's a great record or that it's some kind of creative turning point, all I'm saying is that it has a few really impressive songs. Whatever and Charity Case are fun and catchy and Who's Gonna Save My Soul is oddly earnest. The best selection by far is She Knows, an awkwardly tropical dance track with a solid groove and a great vocal from Cee-Lo Green - who always sounds effortlessly good. Basically, this album made the list as little more than a reminder for anyone who wrote off Gnarls, or never cared much in the first place.

Top 10 LETDOWNS of 2010:

1. High Violet by The National - I'm sorry, but I just don't get this record. I spent much of the beginning of the year listening to Boxer on long, lonely car rides anticipating their next release, only to be baffled by this truly dull album. I love Lemonworld, I like Bloodbuzz Ohio, and everything else blends together. This time around the somber vocal style and spacious production just sounded tired. Maybe I expected too much, but they didn't even meet me halfway.

2. Volume Two by She & Him - Is it so wrong to WANT to love everything Zooey Deschanel does? She's beautiful, seemingly sweet, a fantastic singer, and she married a less-than hunky indie rock dude. Aside from that, the first She & Him record was really good. This one, on the other hand, feels rushed and a little too by-the-book. The final two tracks (Brand New Shoes and If You Can't Sleep) are decent and the NRBQ cover (Ridin' In My Car) is solid, but overall it's a pretty big disappointment.

3. Infinite Arms by Band of Horses - I may be alone in feeling this way, but this is one of the most boring records I've ever heard. I remember liking one of the twelve tracks quite a bit, but the record is so muddled who knows which one it was. I think this was supposed to be their breakout album, and for all I know it was, maybe everyone else loved it, I certainly know a few people who did. For me though, it was just static. I go to Band of Horses for harmonious lovelorn ballads, since they've done that so well in the past. I mean, Laredo? C'mon.

4. Dear God, I Hate Myself by Xiu Xiu - This one was a real surprise. 2008's Women As Lovers was a really accomplished and beautiful record. It had a cover version of Under Pressure with Michael Gira from Swans, uninhibitedly poetic songs like F.T.W. and No Friend Oh!, and one of my favorite songs of the last few years, I Do What I Want, When I Want. Dear God... is a really strange release, even for Xiu Xiu, who confidently operate outside the parameters of pop. The thing about it that makes it strange, to me at least, is that it's not at all memorable, which is the exact opposite of all their other releases, most of which I own and enjoy. I vaguely recall Gray Death and Secret Motel, but otherwise the record seems to have no lasting effect, not exactly what I want or expect from Xiu Xiu. What I've found they do best is a kind of haunting, darkly personal chamber pop (other reviewers tend to throw the word "goth" in there, but I think you need a little more than occasional shrieking organs to get the goth tag). Though the tracks here may contain some of the elements Xiu Xiu is known for, this record doesn't hook the listener in the same way that previous releases The Air Force (2006) and Fabulous Muscles (2004) had. Obviously, bands evolve and songwriting follows suit, there were also line-up changes for this release, but as it is Dear God... remains a bit of a bland mystery.

5. Crystal Castles by Crystal Castles - This is a woefully boring record that completely failed to build on the immediacy and apocalyptic fun of their debut. However, I'm not writing them off yet, I'll chalk this one up to the "sophomore slump".

6. Halcyon Digest by Deerhunter - It was like Christmas morning the day I bought Halcyon Digest. I actually called a record store to be sure of which day they would have it on the shelves. I couldn't accurately express how much I loved 2008's Microcastle/Weird Era Con't when I first heard it early last year, and I still can't, all I really know is that it's one of my all time favorite albums. Hence the reason I was so excited for Halcyon. However, as it is with most things people get over-excited about, Christmas morning for instance, it was apparent that we could file Halcyon Digest under "Disappointment". I PROMISE you, no one wanted this to be the album of the year more than I did, I had the spot tucked away months before it came out. The reality of this record is that it's flat and never gains any real momentum. Helicopter, as stated earlier, is a standout, but the rest of the album just kind of wanders. Apparently Desire Lines is a favorite among listeners, but I never got it. A little too straightforward, a little too vanilla, a little too obvious. It sounds like a run-of-the-mill Strokes track from their last record. Coronado is the only other song I really like, the addition of a saxophone helps lift it from the mediocrity. Songs like Don't Cry, Basement Scene, and Fountain Stairs feel like they could be great Deerhunter songs, but they're just not given either enough attention or care or something. I still love Deerhunter, a lot, but odds are that this record will be filed away and forgotten under piles of other sub-par releases.

7. Sleep Forever by Crocodiles - See Crystal Castles.

8. One Life Stand by Hot Chip - What happened Hot Chip?? Seriously?? Made In the Dark was SO GOOD! Every band has peaks and valleys, but this record was one notch above unlistenable. I Feel Better was pretty good as was Take It In, but I don't even count that song becuase it already appeared on the Bugged Out Mix from last year. Step In The Wrong Direction Of The Year.

9. Treats by Sleigh Bells - Yikes. I've made no secret of the fact that I love hype. I am frequently and wholeheartedly taken in by it many, many times a year. Once I get my hands on the hypee, however, I try my best to look at them objectively. This record is discordant to a fault, it's impossible to listen to (and that means A LOT coming from someone who owns and enjoys some of the records that I do). I'll give Sleigh Bells the following: Alexis Krauss is gorgeous (and would appear to have a good voice, but who can tell?), they have a teriffic name, and Rill Rill is a great song - but, it's the only song on the record that sounds like that. Everything else is just too distorted, too riff driven, and too monotonous. The silver lining is, of course, that it's a debut and with a little more focus and a little less kitchen sink they could make a much better noise.

10. When I Grow Up I Wanna F*** Like A Girl by All Leather - I don't wanna dislike this record for a few reasons: 1. I've been pro-Justin Pearson (the man and the bands) since high school because they're always tight and innovative. The Locust, Some Girls, Holy Molar, Head Wound City...it's all good stuff. 2. I wrote him a letter about eleven years ago (because that's how punks corresponded back then) and he wrote me back and sent me a ton of merch and I talked to him at a show about a year later and he was super nice. 3. It has a cover of Well-Fed Fuck by Born Against, one of my all time favorite bands. All that being said, this is the first Justin Pearson project that seems stale. It sounds like it should have come out five or six years ago, and even then it would have been less than intriguing. There's too much reliance on a throbbing drum machine and fails to really progress at all. Although his voice still sounds great, you can skip this one, go buy the Ground Unicorn Horn 45 instead.

Top Three Mixtape Names of 2010:

1. The Square Root of Eternity

2. Science is My Lady

3. Real Whitewater Rapids in Midnight

Top Five Records I Didn't Hear, But Were Probably Pretty Good, of 2010:

1. Rohnert Park by Ceremony

2. Gemini by Wild Nothing

3. Public Strain by Women (Easily the best cover art of the year)

4. Songs For Singles by Torche (I bought this on Dec. 31st, and it's very good, but a little short for an LP)

5. Warm Slime by Thee Oh Sees

They'll Say 'Are Ya Married', I'll Say 'No Man'

2010-11-22T08:33:00.000-08:00

I was in bed last night and I remembered (maybe) my all time favorite thing about winter weather. It was probably 9 or 10pm, so it was long dark out, but there was a fantastic pale blue light coming in through my blinds. It reminded me of how bright it gets outside when there's snow on the ground and the moon is bright and unobstructed. Just thinking about that certain shade of light hitting my window in the middle of the night makes me wish for a nor'easter. Never mind the cars sliding on the road, the endless minutes spent shivering until the heater kicks in, or the shovelling...dear god, the shovelling. I've always been a sucker for winter, especially before it arrives, when you can feel it coming, while also comfortably braving 50 degree weather. It tends not to be until early to mid-January that I'm cursing Jack Frost, gazing longingly at my shorts, and dreaming of swimming pools. But, for now, I can indulge in those pre-snow, pre-4 layers and a scarf, pre-wanting to move to Brazil days: Reading teen/YA books for un-ironic nostalgia, drinking hot chocolate, and listening to bedroom rock and warm indie synths because they feel like flannel ear blankets. Lately the air smells like the agonizing chore of waiting for the school bus every morning, but somehow even that now seems wonderful. I may get starry-eyed for this time of year, but be sure to check back in two months when I'm using my freezing, dry hands to write a love letter to the sun.

MONTREAL! or, If I Spoke French I'd Never Leave

2010-10-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

Montreal, QC
October 21-25, 2010...

Thursday: "Northwardness Pilgrimage or, I can't believe I'm missing 30 Rock for this..."
There's nothing like arriving to a new city by walking through an underground mall (that I suspect stretches out across all Quebec) and then being treated to an inexplicable siren that sounds exactly like the warning alarm from Jurassic Park (foreshadowing!!) right before the power is turned back on and Timmy flies off the perimeter fence. It was uncanny. "Push to close" I said to Christie as we walked briskly to catch the bus. Meeting Patty and my pen pal/Canadian Wife Megan was awesome, and not just because she told me there was a screening of Back to the Future in a legit theatre on Saturday. From there it was Patati Patata, a free beer glass forced upon us with purchase, and maybe the most inspired and important decision of the trip...watching Short Circuit II. Cinematic brilliance, a dvd trailers menu from Mars (Buddy, Jumanji, and a Starship Troopers CGI movie??), and the final 10 minutes replayed dubbed in french. Michael McKean yelling for Johnny 5, "Cinnnnqqqq!!", was quoted nearly as much as Christopher Guest.

Friday: "Poutine, Pick-Up Lines, and Speilbergian Winter Carols"
We went to 5 record stores today, my Canadian hosts were too kind. Especially since I didn't buy anything until the last one, AND had to borrow cash from Christie. Whoever heard of a record store that was cash only? Maybe the best part of all was at store #4, all three of us witnessed the store clerk hitting on a customer...hardcore. "So what are you doing tomorrow night? Oh, you're busy well how about tonight? Alright you're not sure well here's my card, call anytime, I get off around..." It was amazing, effortless yet desperate, impressive yet embarrassing. On the one hand I had to give him credit, I doubt I'll ever be able to cold ask out anyone ever and this dude had it down. However, he WAS an aging record store guy...time is not on his side in the "chicks" department. Moving on, this daylong trip also included poutine, free tea samps, and one of the best cupcakes I've ever had. Once back at the apartment it was like olden tymes, friends gathered around the radio (more accurately, whatever device plays Ipod stuff, I am thoroughly un-modern) with hot beverages and listened to the comedy stylings of Mitch Hedberg and Brian Regan until it was decided what to do with our night. The decision was something I'd heard mythologized once or twice and was eager to participate in: Wiizza. I can't, for one reason or another, pronounce this term. I understand how to say it but whenever I do it comes out "wheat-za". Just typing it and looking at it makes me laugh at my own incompetence. Either way, off we went, leaving Megan to her homework. Upon arrival at Anna's apartment we heard the sounds of the greatest film ever made by man: Jurassic Park. A vacation involving Christie, I'd expect nothing less. Next up I got to meet some new friends, including Anna's cat Bear who, by the end of the night, I wished I could hang out with every night forever. We discussed the logical pitfalls and mysteries of JP (as well as what Laura Dern earned for her role in JP III), ate delicious homemade pizza and then, a shocker of a following film: Can't Hardly Wait?? The kind of inspired choice that only Wiizza can create!! (I like to treat Wiizza as THE cultural event of Montreal librarians, and I kind of think it fits with the dramatic tone I'm trying to give this story). As the ladies fawned over Ethan Embry I remembered my long-forgotten crush on Lauren Ambrose. "What happened to her!?" I asked. "She was on Six Feet Under..." but other than that I think we were stumped. It made me want to go right out and buy Psycho Beach Party. Once we finished discussing our high school wardrobes and social statuses Wiizza was over and we made our way home. The new friends I mentioned really were awesome and welcoming and as nice as anyone could hope. Maybe they felt bad for me being the only dude in the room, but whatever it was I had an excellent time. And then home, and then sleep.

Saturday: "Me, Myself, and Megan (and Misadventure and Mod Night)"
Today would be Christieless until early evening so the pen pals had to get acquainted, and quick! No problem, we had Back to the Future at 12:30, plenty of walkin' around time, and plans for Mod Night to cap it all off. Today began with a walk through the park and an in depth discussion of the Mad Men finale and the series in general. Jurassic Park and Mad Men discussions were the only two things I could be sure I'd participate in on this trip. Over the hill and through "the ghetto" (truly terrifying) and it was on to my first Tim Horton's. However, since it was a carbon copy of a New Jersey Dunkin' Donuts it was maybe the least foreign place possible. It was here that Megan and I lamented the loss of certain Canadian hockey teams (the Quebec Nordiques and by beloved Winnipeg Jets) and I told her that Saskatchewan would never have an NHL team because their city names weren't memorable enough. She then opened up about the hardships that SK has been dealing with and her issues with certain other providences. For someone who's always loved Canada, but not really known much about it, Megan is a wealth of fiery knowledge.
On to the AMC for BttF. There was, and please pardon the tired term but I really mean it, excitement in the air. You could feel how stoked everyone was to experience this. There was even a kid dressed very convincingly as Marty McFly. Time passed, the lights dimmed and came back up, the "please don't talk and please silence your cell phone" clip was played (many, many times), and our hopeful applause soon turned to 'boos'. Megan and I kept our heads up, relentlessly optimistic that an engineer (perhaps Michael J. Fox himself!) would arrive to fix whatever projection problem was occurring, but in the end it was a lost cause. Out into the lobby to retrieve our refund and free pass for all the trouble. An hour and a half spent in the theatre and another 30 minutes in line after, but in a way it was almost better than the movie. All we did was talk and laugh and make jokes and it's probably a better story and memory for it. Plus I now have a commemorative miniature flier to "Save The Clock Tower" hanging on my wall at work.
Back outside into the Montreal hustle and bustle, talk of shops and bobble-heads and jokes about what a bust the day had been. On the walk up to Sherbooke, where we would part ways, there it was! Cheap Thrills! This came after a bit of a wild goose chase. Easily the best record store I'd been in yet. Megan had to leave but not before buying a Brian Eno record on my recommendation (which made me more than happy). I stayed for a bit, this place had an excellent used section. I ended up buying some Roky Erickson, Beirut, a couple Harlan Ellison books, and Volume 2 of the 'Rodney on the Roq' compilation. I walked out of that store feeling on top of the world!

It is at this point in the story that I walk from Cheap Trills to the Pie-IX metro station via Sherbrooke, hopelessly lost in Montreal. You know that feeling, "Okay, I'll go one more block up..." even though you know you're lost. It kind of had to happen though didn't it? What's a vacation without getting a little lost?

Once I got back on track I went to a few more record stores, got made fun of by one of the clerks (he acted like a mummy at me), finally found some Teenage Head records (that I already had, but it was nice to one of my favor tie Canadian punk bands in a Canadian punk store), got another bagel and finally headed home to meet Christie. I was about as tired as I've ever been and Christie had the perfect remedy. It's called Katamari Damacy, one of the most ridiculous and fun video games I've ever seen. I watched her play for a bit, relaxed like crazy, and then we all enjoyed a little Zoolander. We had plenty of time to kill before Mod-ing it up, and I think we used it very well.
Out the door and through the streets at 11:15 passing drunk people and those soon to be. We made a right at the scooters and entered to a crowd of hipsters and people who are sick of hipsters. I soon after met Bri, yet another new friend. A few minutes of small talk and then onto the dance floor, sadly without Christie who was exhausted. I have to say that this "Mod Night" could have been more accurately described as "R&B and Garage Night", not that I'm complaining, any chance I get to dance to "96 Tears" I'll take. As the night went on the crowd thinned a bit and we took our rightful place, front and center! I never expected to dance to "Helter Skelter", but apparently the replacement DJ was known to be somewhat sub-par. Hunkiness does not a DJ make. But dancing to "Jeepster" and "I Want Candy" afforded plenty of chances to clap along, and I got so into "The Witch" that my hat flew off. It was such a wonderfully odd thing to be dancing with these two girls that I had essentially just met. I haven't gone dancing like that in years and it was easily one of the best parts of the trip. It eventually got late, we all shared a water, and made our way home. A big thank you to Megan and Bri, and at the risk of sounding a bit histrionic, I think that night was when I fell in love with Montreal.

Sunday: "Anonymous Stories and The Best Mask"
Sunday morning with Megan was about two things: having my first legitimate Canadian bagel, and listening to CBC radio. Tim Horton's, I was assured, was not a purveyor of true "Canadian" bagels, so Megan and I hit the road and picked some up. I can't seem to remember the name of the store, but there was a line out the door and plenty of overstuffed pigeons trolling the sidewalk. The bagels were decent, thinner and crunchier than I'm used to, but enjoyable. CBC radio took over the next few hours of my visit, a staple of my pen pal's weekly life, I just had a seat and took it in. CBC is no joke, not only was there intelligent and lucid political and social commentary, but they actually followed up a story about lemon meringue pie with a song called "Lemon Meringue Pie". I think I felt my most Canadian during these few relaxed hours.
Christie arrived home, plans were made, sweaters were put on, and it was back to Pie-IX for some thrift shopping. It was a short walk to Village des Valeurs. I had heard great things about this place and was eager to check it out, however, my choice to throw on one extra layer coupled with a very crowed store had resulted in profuse sweating and a feverish sick feeling. Luckily I found Christie lounging on her dream 70's couch and plopped down with her while waiting for Megan, the marathon browser. Christie also raided the children's book section for me earlier, picking up all the french R.L. Stine she could find (which is why there was none when I looked). Once it was time to head out I got my first and only eye-roll for not being able to speak french from the check out girl. It's strange, when I visited a decade ago I also only experienced that once. The other thrift shop we wanted to check out was closed so it was back to the Metro station and back home for pizza. Sunday was wonderfully casual.
I also forget the name of the fantastic pizza place we went to, Pizzaolio, or Pizzamoly, or Pizzarino's...something like that. Either way, it was great. A discussion of ideal travel locations followed and I was informed that people who say they want to visit every Canadian providence don't actually mean it. But I do, I want to go to Saskatchewan AND Alberta AND Manitoba. Will I ever...who knows? Then there was slightly depressing talk about life goals, but my friends' positivity was really refreshing and appreciated. Back home.
Sunday stayed casual, a viewing of Night at the Museum and delicious hot chocolate courtesy of Megan was perfect. We then tired to watch The Emperor's New Groove, but it was almost 10pm and obviously, we were beat.

Monday: "So Long, Sailboat"
I spent the first 20 minutes of Monday with Christie and Megan, not wanting to leave, and dreading the train back home. I spent the following 14-ish hours traveling, first by BUS due to weekend fires on Amtrack routes through Albany. The bus is an excruciating way to travel, especially when you flip the mixtape you're listening to and Broken Social Scene comes on as the Montreal skyline fades from view. I may be a bit dramatic and/or romantic, but who wouldn't take that like a shot in the gut? It was 10 hours to Penn Station, (where a NJ Transit train had derailed earlier that day causing widespread delays and cancellations) and then finally back home.

It's taken me a week to write this all out, the first attempt was MUCH too detailed (who needs a paragraph about how I wanted to befriend a drug sniffing dog??) and my lack of internet access forced me to write in bits and pieces. I find it hard to purposely leave anything out though, I don't wanna slight one second of this trip. I want to thank all of Christie and Megan's friends I met for making me feel not only welcome, but also at ease, most certainly not an easy task. I want to thank Megan for taking what I can only consider a leap of faith in welcoming some random friend of a friend/pen pal/American Husband into her home and actually being more amazing than I could have hoped. And finally the biggest thank you to Christie for convincing me to come up and making the time and dealing with my indecision and record store lust. All of you were great and really made me look at New Jersey like the toxic waste dump that the rest of the world already thinks it is. Until next time...

Strangenessosity

2010-10-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

I just decided to check (for no apparent reason) if I had access to my blog at work...and I do. It was off limits for a while. ???
That's all for now.

MY LIFE ACCORDING TO DESTROYER

2010-09-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Re-post as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist:
Destroyer

Are you a male or female?
Son of the Earth

Describe yourself:
Virgin with a Memory

How do you feel:
Notorious Lightning

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
It's Gonna Take an Airplane

What's your best friends name:
Hey, Snow White

What's the weather like:
Goddess of Drought

Favorite time of day:
The Sublimation Hour

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
New Ways of Living

What is life to you:
The Music Lovers

Something you would say:
A Dangerous Woman Up to a Point

What is the best advice you have to give:
Don't Become the Thing You Hated

Thought for the Day:
Dark Leaves Form a Thread

How I would like to die:
The Space Race

Something bothersome:
School, and the Girls Who Go There

Describe your friends:
Rubies

My motto:
To the Heart of the Sun on the Back of a Vulture, I'll Go

DISTANCE LIBS: VOLUME EIGHT

2010-08-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

"ADVERTISEMENT"

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Distance Libs: Volume Seven

2010-07-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

"A Review of a Dinosaur Movie"

Despite its title, Dinosaurs are for Bedazzling is far from being an erroneous comedy. It is really a Burt Reynoldsy horror movie. From its indelible opening until its astronomical ending, it keeps you sitting on the edge of your cafeteria. In this film, the ever-popular Dewey Decimal gives the performance of his luscious career. He plays the role of a scientist who, in searching for the Fountain of Botanist, accidentally discovers a huge beast that feasts on living kinky wizards. The last ten minutes of the movie are scary enough to make your feet bones pop out of your rocky serpentine hill top and your nomads stand on end. The movie is rated Zed, meaning children under twelve must be accompanied by a Sally Ride.

Bright Lit Blue Skies

2010-06-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

I finally made it to the library after days of trying. I feel compelled to write in my blog since I have so few chances these days. As an update, I've been fine. How've you been? Wonderful, glad to hear it.
I've been a lazy so-and-so lately, in my head I can attribute this to picking up slack at a job where I already do more work than anyone else, but in reality I attribute it to not getting enough sleep and watching TV. Both theories have their merits, but it's always to get out this time fo year. The grass is fresh cut, one of the top 5 smells of ever, and the longer days make for some rather pleasant pre-night drives.
Lately I've been feeling sluggish so I've been contemplating joining a gym, something I never ever thought I'd do. Since I'm trying to convince myself that it's a good idea I've had to formulate scenarios in my head that I can't let myself miss:
1. A slightly older gentleman passes me yelling into his cell phone, "What do you mean he quit the team? We've got a big match against (as of yet unnamed town, leaning toward Townsberry) tomorrow and now we've got no 3rd baseman! I guess we'll have to forfeit!" That's when I step up and say, "Hey pal, tell them you'll BE THERE! I will play, I will SAVE THE DAY!" And then I'm MVP of the Over 25 Central New Jersey Men's Softball League World Championship. I know that's not a thing, but leave my fantasies alone.
2. I would hate to miss the opportunity to point out the slight irony that I prefer to work out on the stationary bike, but actually have no idea how to ride a bike. Good conversation starter.
3. A pool any time I want to go swimming. Not a fantasy, but a beautiful reality.
4. One day I'm quietly singing to myself somewhere, maybe the locker room, maybe the racquetball court and some dude pops up out of nowhere and says, "You are the best singer in town! Please join my band which is awesome." Hopefully by this time I would be in tip-top shape for the promo photos of my new group, Whisper Club. (I don't know why I like that name so much but I do, if you like you can substitute one of the following: A B C and the D's, Raccoon Suit, Cool Sandwich, or Jurassic Punk.)
5. I actually get out of the house and stop feeling like crap.

Since not much else has been going on, here's what else has been going on:
White Denim - "Fits", the new David Cross comedy CD, 30 Rock reruns, finding out that Best Buy still sell Walkmans (is that the plural? Either way, score!), Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Before Tomorrow", the song "Eye in the Sky" by The Alan Parsons Project, Crystal Castles, The Morning Benders, Field Music, trying to save some money so I can buy stuff off Amazon, debating whether or not to renew my GQ subscription, books on CD, using Facebook at work, and reading Twitter at breakfast.

Other than that...not much.

Distance Libs: Volume Six

2010-06-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

"In the Good Old Summertime"

Many selective laser discs prefer the Summer Olympics to the Winter Coconuts. They respond awkwardly to such swimming and waddling competitions as the hundred-meter striking-style race, the 862-meter funny bone-stroke race, and, of course, the diving contests in which nickels dive off a high doppelganger and do triple beach balls in the air before landing in the pickle juice. Equally fascinating are the track and Cornish game hen events in which sluggishly conditioned paddle boats compete for gold Billy Goats. They compete in such exciting events as the 1,500-crossing guard race, the hundred-sombrero dash, the ever-popular peach pie vaulting, and, last but not least, throwing the hammer, the javelin, and the saloon.

Distance Libs: Volume Five

2010-06-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

How to Enjoy Yourself on the Beach

When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of Green Tea Frappuccino, lots of suntan bargain book, and a couple of folding ham sandwiches. Then you put on your tricorne so you can get a beautiful fuchsia to last you all summer. You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your nostril. If you want exercise, you can find some landspeeders to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America's favorite soft game. You can also bring a robust lunch, such as hard-boiled oscillating fans, a few Phillippine Mouse-deer sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of Cabo Wabo cola. If you remember all of the above and get a place near a plentiful lifeguard, you can sunbathe sideways all day.

Chess on Ice

2010-06-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't written here in a while, mainly due to the fact that I've been blocked from my blog at work. Not only mine, but any blog of any kind, even my old Livejournal. I don't know what could have prompted them to block me from it after more than a year of access, but I guess that's just how it goes. As it is, I'm writing this at my desk at work, and will simply cut and paste later. Nobody gonna break-a my stride, nobody gonna hold me down, woah no.

The past couple weeks have seen four of my friends open their own businesses, while in Brian news, I spent a good deal of time watching 30 Rock and eating Cheez-Its. I know it's dumb to compare my life to my friends', but it's hard not to. I don't think I'm quite dynamic enough to start my own business, I don't even know if that's the word I'm looking for, my overwhelming Type B-ness wouldn't make for a great business owner. It does give you that left behind feeling, though I guess if yr not doing anything to move forward yr more so just staying behind. So, needless to say, I've been a little antsy in my old familiar home lately, dreaming of all the exotic destinations I could relocate to and really kick-start my life. Adding to the confusion is the question of what the hell I even want to do, but I don't think anyone knows that. I think maybe 12% of people know absolutely what they want to do with their life, that's as high as I'll go, I think everyone else kind of just picks a direction and starts walking, some slower than others. I tend to believe that you just fall into yr career path, I'm certainly not looking for a career in Communications, I don't even know what that entails. I just liked taking classes where I got to talk about weird stuff in front of people (Epiphany?). My life kind of feels like Ralphie on the slide, I just told Santa that I want a football and his helpers are pushing me down, all the while in my head it's "Wake up stupid! Wake up!" I really need to make it known that I want a Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, and I can't be worried about shooting my eye out.

In the interest of posterity here's a rather truncated list of what's recently been makin' me moooove:
Sufjan Stevens - "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois"
Surfer Blood - "Swim"
LCD Soundsystem - "All I Want"
Mika Miko - "Sex"
Tom Vek - "That Can Be Arranged"
Blue Cheer - "Come and Get It"
Kurt Vile - "Freeway"
The National - "Lemonworld"
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - "Round and Round"
The New Pornographers - "If You Can't See My Mirrors"
Thee Headcoatees - "Shadow"

Epilogue:
As soon as Ghostwriter comes out I'm buying it, along with seasons 1 and 2 of The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Quality summer programming.

Classic Hospital...

2010-05-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

I've spent the better part of the last week in something just outside misery. The few moments of joy lied in 30 Rock and positive diagnoses. On Mother's Day my mom asked me to take her to the hospital, turns out her swollen knee couldn't wait for a week day doctor's visit, so off we went. After a few hours of wall-mounted HGTV a very charismatic MD told us it was all a little "water on the knee" and should be fine with rest, ice and a follow-up.
Days passed as my mom watched Jurassic Park and Kill Bill endlessly awaiting the return of her normal knee. Over these same few days I was battling one of the largest onslaughts of attitude I've ever experienced. Days of everything from workplace aggravations to spaghetti inspired shouting matches. This week had a very defeated feeling.
Yesterday: Just after my lunch hour I received two very urgent messages about having to take my mom to a different hospital due to her now infected knee. Apparently Dr. Charisma didn't feel the need to drain her knee like the doctor she had seen Friday morning, if he had maybe he would have seen that it was possibly infected five days earlier. And we were off! Another hospital, another wall-mounted TV, and a wonderful nurse that I have no doubt my mom would have adopted if given the option.

Things should be better now, but it's strange, I've spent more time in hospitals in the last nine months than I have in my whole life. It's also surprising, yet not surprising at all, how much more intense and worried you are when you are not the one undergoing treatment. I remember when I was in for my week long stay I wasn't worried for more than a minute, maybe it was the dilaudid, but I also remember feeling a strange calm in knowing that I was where I was supposed to be.

I don't know the point I'm trying to make, maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is just one of those points in life where if you don't document something and get it out of your head it just lingers. I guess this is my way of fighting off infection. That may sound dumb, but I'm telling you, it's science.

Distance Libs: Volume Four

2010-05-05T14:04:00.001-07:00

"Have I got a Giraffe for You!"

Giraffes have aroused the curiosity of moosen since earliest times. The giraffe is the tallest of all living vermicious knids, but scientists are unable to explain how it got it's long epidermis. The giraffe's tremendous height, which might reach 11 model trains, comes mostly from it's legs and tummy. If a giraffe wants to take a drink of pickle juice from the ground, it has to spread it's earlobes far apart in order to reach down and lap up the water with it's huge gallbladder. The giraffe has plucky ears that are sensitive to the faintest cyborgs, and it has a rogue sense of smell and sight. When attacked, a giraffe can put up a luscious fight by whittling out with it's hind legs and using it's head like a sledge-rhubarb. Finally, a giraffe can gallop at more than thirty germs an hour when pursued and can outrun the fastest hoagie.

Distance Libs: Volume Three

2010-05-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

“George Washington”

George Washington, the father of our Frap Fest, was a very ubiquitous man. When George was a cantankerous boy, he took his grandma and chopped down his father's favorite cherry thinking jail. “Well then I just hate you and I hate your ASS FACE!” said his father. “Who has sprinkled my corsage?” Then he saw George holding a sharp Han Solo in his hand. “Father,” said George, “I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little Bedazzler.” His father smiled and patted little George on the baby power. “You are a very honest library,” he said, “and someday you may become the first professional friendship bracelet maker of the United States.”

HALF AWAKE IN A FAKE EMPIRE

2010-05-03T08:44:00.001-07:00

From the perspective of a truly annoying Monday, here's what made my boring, lonely weekend somewhat less boring and lonely:

Final Fantasy (Owen Pallett), The Carpet Brothers, a new Mystery Science Theatre 3000 boxed set, Destroyer reissues, the new issue of NYLON, driving with both windows down, Dum Dum Girls, water, Liz Lemon, playoff hockey (the Bruins game was great, love seeing the Flyers lose), Capri Sun, Gnarles Barkley's The Odd Couple (surprised how much I like it since I was not a fan of the first record), hand-feeding my cat some ham, The Alisters Set, saturday morning (my favorite time of the week), the season finale of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, the song 'i'maman' by Jobriath, Twitter, and driving around in the late PM listening to The National.

Distance Libs: Volume Two

2010-04-28T06:34:00.001-07:00

"Dinosaurs"

One hundred and fifty million years ago, the Earth was very superb. Huge Subaru Justys, which were called dinosaurs, skedaddled all over Europe and Buttzville, New Jersey. The biggest balloon of all was called the Brontosaurus. It weighed over 100 grams and ate nothing but plants and disco fries. The most dangerous dinosaur was called Tyrannosaurus Ira. It was as tall as a two story aluminum. It walked on it's hind feet and it's mouth was filled with hundreds of sharp, pointy babies. This dinosaur never ate jellybeans. It was a carnivore, and it only ate elbow macaroni. It is a good thing that all of these ferocious marbles are now extinct.

Distance Libs: Volume One

2010-04-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

“Looking Good on Pluto”

On Pluto, the gravity is 44 million billion times as strong as it is in Assiniboia, Saskatchewan. So if you are a young Batcave there and you want to look good, here is what you should do. First go to a beauty parlor and get a distinguished haircut by a saucy Plutonian barber. Make sure he keeps your hair out of your Millennium Falcons so you can show off your hams. This is the hunky fashion on Pluto today. Then spray yourself with Ecto Cooler and put on an aluminum foil sombrero and high-heeled lemonssssssss. Makeup is as important on Pluto as it is on Earth, so put some bright orange-ish lipstick on your eyeball and use a nice ponytail shadow. If you follow this advice, you will get your picture on the covers of all their Draculas.

And Another...

2010-04-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Hardback or trade paperback or mass market paperback?
I only buy hardcovers when they're used and cheap, otherwise trade is the way to go. For new books trade is cheaper and they usually add some extra stuff to make the people that bought the hardcover buy again. Mass markets are awesome because they're pocket-size and inexpensive, especially used.

Amazon or brick and mortar?
I don't really buy books on Amazon, just used DVDs and CDs. I prefer actual stores when looking for books.

Barnes & Noble or Borders?
As a former B&N employee I can say that B&N is the better all-around bookstore...but Borders has a better magazine selection. Any chance I get I'll go to an independent bookstore though.

Bookmark or dogear?
I usually rip a piece of paper off something nearby to mark my place, I can never remember to bring a bookmark and I don't like getting my pages all foldy.

Alphabetize by author or alphabetize by title or random?
Alphabetizing is for vinyl, I use a pile of heavier books as bookends and then stack everything else in between haphazardly.

Keep, throw away, or sell?
Keep, keep, keep, and keep. I put out a duplicate copy of The Ghost Next Door at a yard sale one day and felt like a real goofus. Keep 'em all.

Keep dustjacket or toss it?
Refer to previous question.

Read with dustjacket or remove it?
Remove, but leave it in a safe place. If you have enough dustjacketed books you get that library feel which I love, or you could feel like you live here, even better: http://www.shakespeareandcompany.com/

Short story or novel?
Both please.

Collection (short stories by same author) or anthology (short stories by different authors)?
Collection. I have quite a few anthologies but I prefer to read one author at a time.

Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket?
Is this still a debate? I don't read either but I liked the HP movies more, so...

Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
I'm pretty big on chapter breaks, they're there for a reason, if I can make it to a break that's when I'll stop.

“It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”?
I gotta go dark and stormy.

Buy or Borrow?
Buy, usually if I borrow I just end up liking it so much that I'll need to own it so let's just cut out the middle man.

New or used?
Used is preferred, cheaper and much more character. (I've noticed I'm very particular on things being 'cheap', this is more about having more money to spend on more stuff rather than actually just being cheap myself.)

Buying choice: based on book reviews, recommendations or browsing?
All three, but the last more so than the other two.

Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
Goosebumps has a cliffhanger at the end of every chapter! But I prefer a good ending.

Morning reading, afternoon reading or nighttime reading?
Whenever-I-can-fit-it-in-to-my-already-packed-schedule reading.

Standalone or series?
They both have their merits, but I tend to prefer a standalone, series can be frustrating...I can't tell you how long it took to find Monster Blood IV.

Favorite series?
Escalofrios, 33 1/3, Berenstain Bears was pretty big, The Onion...

Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
Wow, I don't know if I have any gems here. I don't know if a lot of people know how good a writer Lester Bangs was, outside of music crit freaks. Chris Elliott's books The Shroud of the Thwacker and Into Hot Air are genuinely hilarious.

Favorite books read last year?
Books tend to melt together for me and I forget when I read anything. I know I re-read Catcher in the Rye for like the 5th time last year. Palahniuk's Diary was decent, and Simon Doonan's Beautiful People. I didn't finish The Ballad of the Sad Cafe, or Leonard Cohen's Book of Longing...but someday soon.

Favorite books of all time?
The Catcher in the Rye, I am the Cheese, Let it Blurt: The Life and Times of Lester Bangs, America's Greatest Rock Critic, The Girl Who Cried Monster, Breakfast of Champions...

A Bookish Survey...

2010-04-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

1. Best literary festival/book fair experience?
Nothing can beat the Sunnymead Elementary book fairs they'd hold in the back corner of the re-vamped library. I can't remember if there were Goosebumps books, but I seem to remember every book fair being sponsored by Scholastic, so there must have been. I just remember being so excited and wanting to buy every single book there was.

2. How do you organize your bookshelves?
My room is overrun with books and cds, so I have one row of shelves for larger books, organized by height and width, then a row across my dresser for smaller books organized by however-they-fit-best.

3. Ever managed to get one of your favorite authors' autographs?
I just recently got John Waters to autograph one of his books. I've never been much for autographs, the only other one I ever really wanted was Kathleen Hanna from Bikini Kill. I had her sign a pair of white sunglasses.

4. If you said No to the previous question, which of your favorite authors do you want an autograph from?
I didn't say no, but, I'd LOVE to meet R.L. Stine, I bet he'd write something spooky. Most authors I'd like to meet are long dead so the autograph question is moot.

5. Ever visited the residence/museum of a famous author?
No, not that I can remember, maybe back in middle school times. I saw the documentary "Dreams with Sharp Teeth" about Harlan Ellison and he had an amazing house. It had a name, but I can't remember it, I love when houses have names, like Fallingwater. But that's not really what we're talking about.

6. If you said Yes to the previous question, what was it like?
Awe-inspiring? Dull? Disappointing? Enlightening?
Harlan's house was super intricate with little hide-aways and hallways, I always wanted a crazy house like that, or that place in California, I also forget what it's called but there's a bunch of doors to nowhere and hallways to nothing. I'd love to see Danielle Steel's house, I'm very intrigued by her, not her books, just her. She's like a weird, Stephen King for aging ladies.

7. Has popular culture ever influenced your reading choices?
Umm, I guess in some ways, but certainly not in an Oprah Book Club way. I mainly read older fiction, current non-fiction, bios and teen/kids mystery books.

8. More generally, how do you choose what to read?
I just keep my eyes and ears open to everything, it's the same way I hear about music, except I don't listen to any independent radio stations that talk about books. I'm a pop culture sponge and every now-and-then I find something I'm interested in. When browsing at the bookstore interesting titles are key to finding something new. Lots of blind luck in my search for books, it's more exciting that way.

9. What does being a bookworm mean to you?
Someone who is always reading. I know a couple, I'm not one though, I'm a musicworm, if there is such a thing. It's also a villain from the original Batman TV series.

10. How many book series, whether fictional or non-fictional, do you own? What are your favorites?
I have all the original series Goosebumps, I used to have most of the Robert Cormier teen books, but they disappeared. I'd like to have all the bound editions of The Onion, right now I only have one. I think I have all of John Waters books, maybe missing one. I have a fairly random book collecting style, so it's a bit all over the place. I'll typically buy anything on these topics: The French as a people, music crit, 60's/70's design/fashion, The Cold War, 60's melodrama mysteries, instruction books or pamphlets for kids/teens on dating, fictional deep sea monsters, SPACE. Or anything by these authors: John Updike, Salinger, Neal Pollack, Wilde, Kafka, Ellison (his stuff is hard to find), Poe, Vonnegut, Lester Bangs, etc...

NERDING OUT IN THE EYE OF THE STORM

2010-04-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend I did something that I'm truly obsessed by. Buying records that I've never heard of is something I've been doing for quite some time. The first real success story was back around '00-01, Black Tambourine's 'Complete Recordings' 10" was a mystery. Nestled firmly in Vintage Vinyl's 10" records section, a true musical black hole if there ever was one, this record interested me with it's stark black and white cover art...and the fact that when you turn it over you notice that the girl is holding a gun. Black Tambourine, I would come to find out, is/was a seminal band in the underground dream pop genre and an extremely influential group to lots of bands that I already listened to. But it started because I just liked the cover. This record also introduced me to Swedish pop group Girlfrendo, they're mentioned in the liner notes. I was happy to see that this record recently got a proper re-release. This record was also influential in showing me that if I hate a record the first time I hear it I may love it the second.

7" records are really great for this type of shopping. There are endless possibilities in the 7" bin and (until recently for some reason) they are cheaper than LPs and CDs. There's also a feeling to 7" records that they're more unique. You can look at a 7", possibly pressed on some outlandish color vinyl with a silk screened over and think you're the only person who owns it. One of my all time favorite songs is 'Audi 5000' by some band called The Triggers. All I know about them is that they're probably from somewhere near Ypsilati, Michigan and may be former/future members of bands like Lovesick and Saturday Looks Good to Me just because their artwork is so similar. Other than that the song and record are a total mystery, but I like it that way. No picture, I've never been able to find info on them on the world wide web, and it's not same The Triggers that are on Dirtnap Records.

This weekend was not unlike others where I found ultra cheap CDs in the used bins at the Princeton Record Exchange. I'd like to state that I'm not advocating blind luck in finding these records. Record labels are important, as is artwork and (to me at least) song titles. This weekend's big find was a band called Clues from Montreal. This one had all the familiar markings: weird artwork and pictures of self-flying kites, a kind of pop-up book meets LSD art scheme, and it was on a label called Constellation...which is unknown to me, but promising. I come to find out now that Clues is made up of members of Arcade Fire and Unicorns, two bands that I know of but don't really pay any attention to. Underground music is a pyramid scheme. This CD has a truly heartbreaking song called 'Elope' that I would recommend anyone reading this to seek out ASAP. Finding this CD helped me to realize two things: 1. I don't mind getting older, to say that at 28 is probably kind of ridiculous, but as you age your tastes change and you can enjoy things you may not have earlier in life. I can't be sure if I would have appreciated Destroyer, Final Fantasy, Spoon, Miike Snow, Women, or even the new Animal Collective when I was in high school, but I love 'em now. 2. Music is AMAZING right now. There have been times, not too long ago, where the state of independent music was slumping and overrun with garbage. I know this because I lived through it, surviving on a diet of early White Stripes records and the occasional indie monster: Death Cab, Blonde Redhead, Of Montreal, lean times indeed.

But right now? Indie music is alive in a way that I've never seen it. It's hard to resist listing about a thousand bands that make me excited for the state of music over the next few years. I feel like that's reader poison, a form of name dropping or at the very least, boring. I also, however, don't feel like I can discuss what I'd like to discuss without mentioning (at least some of) these bands. So forgive me.

One CD I picked up used was by a band called No Age, they got pretty popular last year, as did just about any band released through SUB POP. I didn't care much about No Age, I think I gave their first record a listen, who could resist a record called 'Weirdo Rippers'? But I didn't much care for it. No Age's 'Nouns' is interesting in and out of the stereo, it comes with a 60+ page booklet, recalling that epic Black Dice 7" on three.one.g. some years back. The music is not at all what I expected, I'd heard No Age compared to Death From Above 1979 a while back and it's completely unwarranted. This no doubt came from some holier-than-thou 3rd rate magazine reviewer who can't describe music without linking it to one of the last two CDs he listened to. The first song on 'Nouns' actually sounds a lot like Deerhunter (not one of the last two CDs I listened to) but the rest of the disc is very...well, unSUB POP. Yes I know Wolf Eyes is on SUB POP, but it's different. I'm surely not trying to say that No Age or Clues have made some genre defining albums, I'm just saying No Age and Clues are tapped in to what I think is going on right now. There's a collection of bands that are organic in their inspiration and naturally pop. It's kind of like what happened when the Elephant 6 bands were around. It seems like there are tons of bands making the kind of pop music they want to hear and it just so happens that it's also the kind of pop music the record buying (or downloading) public at large want to hear. I don't know if I'm describing this exactly how I want to, there have always been bands doing what I'm trying to convey, but now it just seems like every genre wall there is or was has been vaporized. I love classifying bands in to genres, the more buzzwords I can use to describe a band and where they fit in the world of underground music the better, but that's my own neurosis...actually I love when bands just do whatever the hell they want. That seems like what's happening now. I remember an old !!! record that had a song called "There's No Fucking Rules, Dude" and I thought that was so inspired and I wish every band had that mentality.

Where underground music used to feel like a cult it now feels like a club. It seems like there's a significant camaraderie that was only aspired to years ago. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I look at all the amazing bands that are really hitting their stride right now and they're all SO different, but there's a feeling that they're all cut from the same cloth. It could be the shared experience of the internet, it's so much easier for anyone to find underground music now, not to mention like-minded people. Of course, it may seem like I'm undermining, even advocating against the obsession I mentioned earlier. I'm not a fan of downloading music for the simple reason that I love actual records and just having a song on a computer or whatever seems like an anti-climax. However, if this digital climate is helping to create this musical renaissance that I'm witnessing, how can I do anything but embrace it?

Many of the bands that are on my mind are the ones that are redifining pop music. The one that is dominating my thoughts is Dirty Projectors, they've been around for a while, but last year's 'Bitte Orca' is a simply stunning record. It seems fitting that I purchased this album on the last day of 2009, it has a wipe-the-slate-clean feel to it. While sounding entirely fresh and inspired it also sounds like something fit for public consumption...some of it at least. 'Stillness is the Move' is maybe the best pop song since 'Hey Ya', and that's saying something. This band gets lazily compared to the Talking Heads and David Byrne, which isn't entirely off...but I don't like the Talking Heads, so I'm going another way. Dirty Projectors have the feel of a classic Motown group being backed by...Queen? Big guitars and backing vocals surround intimate structures and ridiculous tempo shifts. When you listen to this record you can feel originality pouring out. Detractors tend to lean on the notion that nothing is new, in the world of music everything has been done and it's a culture of imitators. One of the best things about the current state of music is that new music actually IS new and exciting.

Another example of this is the band Beach House. Their first record was decent, but lacked something and this year's 'Teen Dream' delivered. It's a kind of sprawling, meditative record blending dreamy subdued hooks with a different kind of female lead vocal.

A record like Pants Yell!'s 'Received Pronunciation' seemed to me to be a kind of one-off, twee blip on the radar, and although I'd never heard of them, 3 bucks + Slumberland Records = buy. It turns out this is a really promising, infectious and honest record. Songs like 'Rue de la Paix' and 'Not Wrong' are kind of brilliant little pop gems, and completely blur the indie line.

The last thing I'll say about what I feel is happening right now is that it all seems almost relentlessly positive. Even hearing Nathan Willams from Wavves sing "got no car, not no money...got no god, got no girlfriend" it doesn't sound like despair. There's an underlying optimism permeating indie music and I'm all for it. I would love to know where it came from, my first guess is that it was born out of the political climate. Either bands adopted a 'fuck-it-all' attitude in the Bush years, or conversely gained a new outlook on life once Obama took over. This may play some small part, but this optimism doesn't feel like it's in response to anything in particular, plus half the bands I've mentioned are Canadian. Another thought is that it's just my own projection on the situation, or maybe these musicians came to the realization I did several years ago that it's a waste of time to be depressed and/or negative...or maybe they never were to begin with. Maybe it's the drugs, it's probably the drugs. I've always enjoyed bands and movies and TV shows that you're supposed to be high to enjoy, and I've never been high in my life. Most kids spend 8th grade alone in their room listening to The Doors drinking Yoohoo right? But I'm straying from my point.

Music, unlike many things, seems to be in good hands right now. Experimentation is the norm and diversity is celebrated. Regardless of what has caused this influx it's important to mention that it's happening. If you haven't bought a record since 1997 my advice to you is to smile and buy something you've never heard of.

OBFUSCATIOUS, SPELLED OUT AND OBSERVED

2010-04-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday reminded me of one of my favorite lyrics ever: "All I know is you've got no money, but that's got nothing to do with a good time." -Sonic Youth '100%'
I spent the morning/afternoon finishing up a really fantastic mix that I can't stop listening to. The Books, Big Star, The Wrens, Destroyer, Comet Gain, Deerhoof...I'd love to go on and on about how much I love the music I've been listening to this year, but who has the time? I spent the rest of the day laying in bed listening to it on headphones with the windows open and my sunglasses on. I probably looked like some kind of Warholian mess or pseudo-bohemian beatnik disaster, but it was exactly what I needed.
Text messages came and went and I eventually ended up at my pal Rory's for some booze and a fire. This is really what it boils down to, sitting around with friends watching Peeps fall in to the fire, strategic zombie card games, unexpected operatic outbursts, internet videos so old they should be in black and white, and simple conversation. I think that was the essence of the Sonic Youth quote, getting together and enjoying the company of friends and not needing anything else.

RECENT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION...FROM MARS?

2010-04-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Random Lady: 'Is James there?'
Me: 'I'm sorry he's not at this location.'
Random Lady: 'Oh, so it's this other number?'
Me: 'Yeah, probably whatever other number you have.'
Random Lady: 'Oh okay thank you.'
Me: 'No problem.'
Random Lady: 'Alright, I love you, and have a good...Easter.'
Me: 'O...K.'
Random Lady: 'Ok, bye bye.'
Me: 'Bye.'

What was that? It was kind of amazing, it's nice to have a random, vaguely accented lady tell you she loves you. Was it an April Fools prank? Whatever it was, just had to share.

'Iberian Peninsula' by R.L.Stine

2010-03-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

This a picture from some old issue of GQ, and I think it (nearly) perfectly illustrates what I'd want in a room. A bit cluttered, full of pictures and knick-knacks and books and records...I also imagine the area Dennis Quaid is facing (where the light is coming from) as a few different ideal vantage points:

1. The Beach, obvious yet beautiful, maybe Hawaii or California (west coast for sure) but I'd always be nervous of a flood and possible damage to my awesome room.

2. Some kind of mountain range, preferably snow capped, maybe nestled in a Swiss province.

3. A glorious vista, the ideal location here is the Champagne region of France, vines as far as the eye can see and maybe a kindly groundskeeper named Jean or Luc or Jean-Luc.

4. High atop a cliff overlooking a bustling port city in either the Greek islands or Portugal.

I have specific desires and I've been kind of obsessed with that picture since the day I first saw it. This also made me think of something I mentioned in my post from yesterday, the Secret Bookstore.

Saturday afternoon I went walking through Princeton, as I tend to do every couple weeks, but this time I was searching for something. I wanted to find a store that spoke to me that could be a new destination for my frequent visits. I walked along Nassau for a while and came right up to the end of the business district when I saw a table full of books and a sign that read...

I've also always loved stores you had to take a staircase to get to, either upstairs or down, it adds to the secrecy of it all. This place is/was small as hell, two rooms, tons of books, and a couch? Excellent. Room 1 was pretty good, non-fiction, historical, biography, the cheap rack...but what awaited me in room 2? Mr. Stine. A whole shelf of my main man R.L., Goosebumps and Fear Street primarily. Needless to say I had all the Goosebumps they had (and I don't collect the 'Give yourself...' or '2000' series') but I was able to pick up nine Fear Streets. Maybe not a big deal to some, but for me it was like Christmas in March. Although this store is right on the main street of Princeton it does seem to be kind of a secret, there were only 2 other shoppers the entire 30 or 40 minutes I was there, and I don't remember them buying anything. In addition to the teen novellas I picked up a book on the stories behind all of Lou Reed lyrics (score) and a book on one of my favorite peoples called simply 'The French'. I just tried to find a picture, but it's a lost cause. That book was 40 cents. And if they ever bring the price down on that Tom Ford retrospective, I'll buy that one too. See you next time Glen Echo.

EGG YELLOWS plus more!

2010-03-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

I just watched all 8 episodes of "Between Two Ferns" on Funny or Die. Zach Galifianakis is brilliant.

Today I listened to an old mixtape that I made right when I started this job. When I listened to it back in '07 I was doing pretty much the same job I'm doing now, I was filling in for a then pregnant lady, and since then I have taken over her job, as well as continuing my 'Driver' duties. This made me feel...stagnant...if you like. Of course, whenever I begin to talk about 'needing to make a change' it's all talk, so maybe if I don't talk about it...you know what I'm saying.

I have a huge band aid on my right ring finger, the blood is bleeding through.

I am growing dissatisfied with Facebook.

I almost purchased this book at a secret bookstore this weekend, I wish I had.

That is all for now.

Tales of a 3rd Base Nothing

2010-03-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

The spring-ification of the weather lately has made me think of all the glorious things that come along with the glorious months before the utterly unglorious (or is that 'inglorious'?) summer comes along. Spring means shorts and iced drinks in the park, and summer means hideous temperatures and oddly shaved dogs. Spring also means baseball starts back up again and this time of year I can't be outside or see the sun shining without thinking about my days on 'the diamond'.

I have a terrible frame of reference for when I played little league, I started in elementary school and stopped in, I think 8th grade, because in high school it gets much more serious...and I was anything but serious back then. So let's say I played from the ages of 8 or 9 to 14. I think I was first drawn to the game by what I like to call the "Laziness Factor", there's a LOT of standing around in baseball, and perhaps even more sitting around. In my youth I went, rather quickly, from being a cute rambunctious kid to a comically overweight child...thus my family did anything they could to get me out of my room and into the sun. Almost immediately, actually, yes immediately I was plopped in right field (a little league dead zone due to the lack of lefty hitters) where I spent a good amount of time looking at bugs and adjusting my hat and hardly any time paying attention to the game, let alone participating. According to my dad the very first time I caught a fly ball in the outfield, which I remember was at the Sunnymead Elementary field, I had my eyes closed. I was also a lousy hitter, the total package to my fellow Rangers.

As time went on and I went to summer baseball day camps and played catch with my dad I got better and became more interested in the game. I also got fatter, what? How was this happening? Well, since I was completely interested in girls since at least 1st grade, and having no luck even back then, I guess I had already started to "eat my feelings"...not to mention cheeseburgers! But seriously folks. When you really invest yourself in baseball it's not hard to really get in to it, and after the second year, as a tween, I did.

My proudest moment was with the Tigers I believe, pitching relief in extra innings with a lead, all I needed was three outs and I would be A HERO! I went up there pitching sidearm, what a douche. Like any kid knows how to throw sidearm, but we were all jerks, it's impossible not to be kind of a dick when your that age. I got the first two outs on a pop-up and some kid's base running mistake, and when I struck out the last kid I lost it. I was SO happy, it's crazy how much something like that can effect you when there's not much else going on in your life. I kept the ball for years, it was orange with sand and dirt, my prize possession of childhood triumph.

As the years went by I got better at fielding, possibly worse at hitting, and larger in general. Please don't think that the irony was lost on me, an obese 14 year old with asthma wearing a skintight shirt that said "Athletics". When I was playing in 8th grade I remember my friend Dana brought a friend that she thought would like me to one of my games. I don't even think I asked for this possible matchmaking session, but I was stoked. I have a fuzzy memory of the girl, but I seem to remember she looked like Velma from Scooby Doo, so I thought she was a total fox. I was playing left field at this point, I preferred 3rd base, but hey, there's no 'I' in 3rd base...unless you spell it out, then there's one. So Dana and Velma are sitting in the metal rows of seats behind the dugouts and there's a hit to left-center. Oh man, it was quite a shot, it's sailing back...but what's this? The left fielder has a beat on it, he might make it...yes! A stupendous jumping catch deep in left-center! First of all, it was less of a Sportscenter highlight and more of a Swan Lake audition. Arms and legs splayed trying to look as dramatic as possible, but I did catch it. After I threw it in to the shortstop the center fielder said to me, "Hey man, nice catch!" to which I replied "There's a girl watching me!"

Let me stop right here and address a question that I can only assume you have. "Aren't you embarrassed to be sharing this with anyone who may feel like reading it?" Yes, 100%. It's very embarrassing stuff, but I think it's worth it for two reasons: A. It's also hilarious and B. I feel like we've all been through this kind of stuff. I can't imagine that there may be someone reading this who can't relate to acting like a total dork when they were a kid. So it's kind of a jumping off point to make anyone think about their youth and laugh at themselves if they can relate to all this.

Me and Velma didn't get together, the fact that I don't remember her name was a clue I guess. I can honestly say that my baseball career yielded NO romantic opportunities, for some reason the girls that hung around had no interest in an 800lb freckled kid loudly arguing balls and strikes.

There are two final points that tipped me off that was not suited for high school baseball; every kid wanted to be on the Yankees, every year kids hoped to be picked to be on the Yankees. It was everyone's favorite team and they were usually always good somehow, I smell a rat, but that's a whole other story. I, however, always wanted to be on the Blue Jays. Reason? The uniforms. Dark navy, powder blue and white. Classic and stylish. The Yankees uniforms were okay, dark almost blackish blue and white...and maybe gray if you were lucky. This urge should have signaled to anyone paying attention that I was not quite as serious as some of the other kids. Also, I often had no interest in the game as it was happening. I was pumped up as the game was coming along, I checked the schedule and talked to my friends about who we were playing, but on game day (or night) I was in my own little world, especially in the dugout. I can remember one conversation I had with another less-than-enthralled ballplayer. We sat near the on-deck area and had a discussion about time. Time???? Yes, he informed me that since humans invented time that it doesn't really exist and therefore neither does age or all this other stuff. To this point I was not such a deep thinker, I only thought philosophically when they brought it up on the Golden Girls. So me and this kid are talking about time and space and questioning our existence...I just remember not wanting to hit a ball after that. Luckily I probably couldn't have if I tried.

So that's my springtime baseball nostalgia-thon. I hope you could see a little of your own childhood in it. As a side note, I think we all know the real reason that I didn't play baseball in high school, baseball isn't punk.

FOOTBALL IN TUXEDOS

2010-03-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

5 THINGS YOU HATE
1. Eating most veggies
2. Braggy people
3. That dude from the 'free credit report.com' commercials who sings
4. Having a popcorn kernel stuck in yr teeth for a long time, but i don't eat popcorn anymore really
5. That show 'The Middle'

5 THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. Ladies (romantically speaking)
2. The ongoing Hollywood remake fest
3. Chinese
4. How Lasik eye surgery works
5. Babies, when they talk

5 THINGS ON YOUR DESK
1. Wolverine bobble-head
2. Cell phone
3. X-ray badge
4. Regular phone
5. Water in a cup

5 THINGS YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW
1. Being 'on lunch'
2. Listening to Ian Mackaye singing
3. Checking Facebook
4. Looking at my Goosebumps desktop
5. Wishing for spring

5 NEGATIVE FACTS ABOUT YOU
1. I can be lazy
2. I am physically unable to ask out girls
3. I have a blog
4. I don't write as often as I should
5. I still have a Christmas card hanging on the wall in front of me

5 POSITIVE FACTS ABOUT YOU
1. People say I'm funny
2. I am physically unable to ask out girls
3. I have all 62 books in the original Goosebumps series
4. I love my friends
5. I don't watch reality tv

5 THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Find treasure
2. Go to the Great Wall of China and walk up to a stranger and say, "It's not that great"
3. Walk on Saturn
4. Join a softball league in my 40's
5. Fondly reminisce

5 THINGS YOU CAN'T DO
1. Ride a horse (I'm assuming)
2. Ride a bike (for real)
3. Say or write the word 'tweet' in respect to Twitter
4. Drive 55...that was my favorite video when I was like 8
5. Afford, or justify spending the money, on all the dvd boxed sets of 'Are You Afraid of the Dark'

5 OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS
1. 'Teenage Super Party' by Wavves
2. 'Cast Off Crown' by Deerhoof
3. 'Trouble Comes Running' by Spoon
4. 'Lottery Dust' by Drummer
5. 'Temecula Sunrise' by Dirty Projectors

5 THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT TURN YOU ON
1. Large features: lips, eyes, and of course brain (yeah, you heard it! I like a smart woman)
2. Good taste in music and comedy
3. Speech impediments
4. Genuinely nice
5. Mindblowingly gorgeous

5 PEOPLE CURRENTLY ON YOUR BAD SIDE
1. Anyone on Twitter than I wish would write more and doesn't
2. Leno, now and forever
3. One or two of my co-workers
4. My glasses, they're always dusty...I can't think of any more people
5. Cyclops, I've always disliked him

Anything You Want: Songs for Girls

2010-03-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

That's right! International Singing Sensation Biff Wellington has finally brought his gift to the USA with…
“Anything You Want: Songs for Girls”
His most personal and romantic album yet!

Featuring the hits:

‘We Shall Ride My Scooter To Our Wedding’
'Broken English, Broken Heart'
‘I Bought You Many Gifts Because You Are Beautiful’
'I Am Going To Song On You'
'I Respect You For Your Mind Also’
and the stunning duet 'Romance Farm' featuring American songstress and glamourpuss Joeronica Spots!

Some early reviews of "Anything You Want":

'Sometimes I can understand his weird accent!' -Jazzy Times

'More like BEEF Wellington!' -Obvious Terrible Joke Press

'I doubt girls will enjoy these songs' -Ladies Music Pamphlet

'I've never heard of Joeronica Spots, that sounds made up' -Harry's Sound House

'3 out of 5 Ukraines!' -The Weekly Monthly

This exclusive collection is going FAST, so act now! Not for sale on Earth, or anywhere else.

FROM MEMORY PT. 1

2010-03-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

'Absolutely Cuckoo' by The Magnetic Fields, a high school classic that I inexplicably started singing today.

Don't fall in love with me yet
We only recently met
True I'm in love with you but
You might decide I'm a nut
Give me a week or two to
Go absolutely cuckoo
Then when you see your error
Then you can flee in terror
Like everybody else does
I only tell you this cause
I'm easy to get rid of
But not if you fall in love
And now that I'm on the make
And if you make a mistake
My heart'll certainly break
I'll have to jump in a lake
And all my friends will blame you
There's no telling what they'll do
It's only fair to tell you
I'm absolutely cuckoo.

It's only fair to tell you
I'm absolutely cuckoo.

That's as much as I remember it, worked wonders in high school. I miss The Magnetic Fields, if I wanted to be dramatic I could say this song mirrors my life right now, but I have no interest in being dramatic.

She's a Bad MammaJamma and other Jams

2010-03-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

That's right! Cyndy Saltt and The Saltt Shakerzz are back with their 4th full length recording featuring the hits:

"Summer Knees (Feel the Breeze)"
"Let's Have Some Lunch"
"I'm So Special"
"Night Lust (for Steve)"
and a truly awful rendition of Otis Redding's "That's How Strong My Love Is"

Take a look at some early reviews:

'Cyndy Saltt has once again recorded a record.' -The Saskatchewan Bugle

'I tried to listen to it a couple of times' -MusicBeat Gazette

'The Saltt Shakerzz really add some FLAVOR!' -Pun Weekly

'4 out of 5 Thumbs Down!' -Tunebag Magazine

'Joyless' -BeatMusic Gazette

Get with it and get yours today! Not available for sale.

YOUTH ATTACK

2010-02-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling nostalgic lately, nothing new there, but these are a few things I saw today that I wanted to mention.

I may have never read these books, and if I did I don't remember, but aren't the covers amazing? On 'Missing' it looks like the girl is dancing and the guy was lifted right out of the 'Take On Me' video. I may be crazy but I have a feeling that the New Girl's secret is that she's a ghost. It's a just a hunch, but no one walks down that creepy street unless they're some kind of spirit, and she's kind of glowing too...total ghost. If I found these books at a thrift store I would fight babies to get them. That's not true, but I would be bummed if the babies beat me to them.

I have vivid memories of sitting in the backseat of my aunt's car reading 'Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark' and being...riveted is the only word that comes to mind. I know I'm not alone in thinking these are some of the creepiest images ever, at least in kids books. I don't really even remember the stories, they were secondary to the pictures. I feel like a lot of them were actually like, jokes or 'gotcha' gags. Like the Viper is coming to "vipe your vindows" and the Mexican dog that turned out to be a rat. The pictures always seemed so much more dark and disturbing than anything written. I noticed a bound edition of the series a while back and I didn't get it. Way to go.

This picture is the personification of why it sucks to get old. We've had a snow-a-palooza recently and apparently there's another on the way. This picture is not about shoveling or traffic or being cranky in the cold or missing out on plans...when you're young snow IS the plans. You spend the whole day making forts and throwing snowballs and then you go inside and have hot chocolate (or maybe in my case, hot Ovaltine), watch cartoons and fall asleep until you wake up and do it all over again.

QED

2010-02-19T06:46:00.000-08:00

I received this survey, apparently titled "DEEP QUESTIONS", who could pass that up?

1. What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
Due to my crippling fear of rejection it's a thousand times easier to hear someone else's feelings. You can just let them talk and you have time to formulate a quality answer.

2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry?
Umm, I think it was last night at Borders because I wanted a new CD and all they had was crap.

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
My mom. Way to bum me out, survey.

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
Is that a choice? Do OR wish? Or is that just one all encompassing question? Well, either way, I've always WISHED for the ability to become invisible, so I would like to DO that.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love:
It depends who it's with, with say...Jon Lovitz? I don't need him to love me, so I'd rather trust him. If it was...Trudy Campbell or Rachel Weisz, or Gigi? I may want love in that case.

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog?
Let me just say I have a rad job in this scenario. I get to walk to work and I pass a lovely canal? I do feel a personal connection to this question, I am frequently tardy to work. However! I would rescue the dog (as long it wasn't all crazy, dogs in distress can get pretty nutty). Even if I was late for work I could just call the newspaper, tell them my story and then my job would be crazy to fire the awesome dude who rescued the dog. It's a PR bonanza.

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
I haven't and I don't think I would...that's too soap opera-y for me. Maybe my evil twin would.

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
What is up with these macabre questions...we go from a lovely, perfectly normal query about a drowning dog to this bit of cruelty? I believe the last person I knew who died was my Grandpa and he wouldn't want me to say yes.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
So totally. I'm a cool dude, likes music, fun at parties, rarely sick, I have all of the original series of Goosebumps books, what's not to love?

10. Does sex=love?
No. Sex < love.

11. Are you old fashioned?
Kind of, I prefer olde tymey things. I like wood paneling, 50's and 60's design and architecture...but the real question here is "are you modern" and to that I give a big old NO. So I must be old fashioned.

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
Woah, survey, you just blew my mind. What a ponderance. I think so, but boy would she have to be able to make one heck of a grilled cheese sandwich!

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
That I don't. I imagine if I'm preparing to tell someone I love them I'm pretty certain on the love reciprocation. If someone said it to me and I was unprepared for it that could be awkward.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?
Either music or laughter. Those tend to be the two things that get me through the day.

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I'm assuming that by putting "Romantic love" at the beginning of the sentence that that's what yr referring to...but there are clearer ways to say that, survey. Umm, I've been off romantic love for quite some time now. Let's see, how about early '09.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?
No regrets? That ain't me sister. I can only change one thing? Let's pick a little one...I would have been more careful stabbing that lump of clay in 2nd grade, then I wouldn't have accidentally stabbed my thumb with a pencil. Who knows what learning experiences I missed in the nurses office.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
Who cares if it's raining? I'd want either Wolverine, or Don Draper, or a beautiful lady so I could be all "Hey, get away from my window!" and she'd be smitten.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
Homeless Jon Lovitz? No. Homeless Trudy Campbell or Rachel Weisz, or Gigi? Yes.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's dying hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other which one would it be?
This is the BEST question ever. SO ridiculous. Let's begin with the fact that I only had one Grandma my whole life and she has already passed away. If you mean I'm holding her hand when she was still alive, well, she wasn't like some giant lady...and how much does a newborn weigh? Like 8lbs? I think I could handle them both. And why can't I swing the baby to my Grandma and then pull them both up? And why don't I know this baby!? Who is this baby and why is it playing near a cliff with my Grandma???? Wow.

20. When and how was the last time you told someone how you REALLY feel?
What? One question ago.

If You had three months to live:

21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
I'd tell everyone, why not, get in some partying and then go meet up with the spirit in the sky.

22. What do you do with your remaining days?
I'd go back to eating fast food, for one. Then I'd tell everyone I like how much I like them and I wouldn't bother with anyone else. I'd rent a sweet car and have a road trip...I like that I'm making it seem like there's nothing wrong with me. If I had 3 months to live I'd probably be pretty sick right? Not in my world! Party time.

23. Would you be afraid?
Of course, you ask dumb questions, survey.

WE MIGHT BE IN FOR A LATE NIGHT, STUCK IN LAVA FLOW OF BRAKE LIGHTS

2010-02-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

I recently found out that "modern haikus" don't have to be 5-7-5...I prefer the classics. Here are a few the ol' fashioned way.

Dodecahedron
Why so many sides to you?
Geometric friend

I used to go to
Bed very late, now only
Occasionally

Gender politics
Ladies are a mystery
Confidence lacking

Beware, The Snowman
And The Girl Who Cried Monster
Are great Goosebumps books

L'AMOUR EST UN BÉBÉ CRAZY AVEC UNE ATTITUDE

2010-02-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

Since it's Valentine's Day this weekend I've been thinking about the 'L' word...no, not Showtime's popular series about lesbians...I'm talkin' 'bout "Love". Since this will also be the first V. Day in 5 years I spend alone I started thinking about my all time archetypal girlfriend list...because sometimes it's just better to have a pretend girlfriend...or at least easier. So here's a short list of the very best in theoretical girlfriends:

Gigi from 'He's Just Not That Into You' - Easily number one on my list, Gigi is super goofy, super cute, kind of pathetic in a dignified way (i.e. staying home alone on weekends watching 80's movies), and searching for the love of her life. She's the hopeless romantic's hopeless romantic, especially since she's pretend.

Liz Lemon from '30 Rock' - It was impossible for me not to fall for Liz Lemon; hilarious, weird, smart, awkward and effortlessly beautiful. I've also always loved the name Liz, and lemons are my favorite fruit. How serendipitous.

Kelly Kapowski from 'Saved By the Bell' - Since I spent my formative years in the late 80's and early 90's, SBTB taught me about the trials and tribulations of love. Kelly is the popular girl with a heart of gold, she's sweet and enthusiastic and kind...more than I can say for that materialistic Lisa and that insufferable Jessie.

Queenie from John Updike's 'A&P' - My all time favorite short story features one of my all time favorite girls. Queenie is detached, cool, and completely uninterested in you...which makes her perfect for the needlessly self-sacrificing, self-loathing guy in us all.

The girl in 'Supermarket Fantasy' by Screeching Weasel - These guys wrote the punk rock book on unrequited love and I've always wanted to meet a girl at a supermarket. It almost happened once, we were browsing near the organic cheese, but she was too cute not to be buying that cheese for someone else.

Mrs. Baerly from 'Arrested Development' - The only girl on the second greatest TV show ever who both Michael and Geroge Michael fell for. A gorgeous ethics teacher with an unnatural love of Saddam Hussein who doesn't mind climbing a staircar to sneak into the model home, and both Bluth boys blew it.

The person in 'Center of Gravity' by Yo La Tengo - This song isn't necessarily about a girl, it's about the feeling you get from being with someone amazing, so it still counts.

Karen Walker from 'Will and Grace' - First choice for trophy wife. Consistently drunk, foxy and funny, Karen was kind of a modern Suzanne Sugarbaker (Delta Burke on Designing Women), and of course Delta Burke was the girl for me when I was in elementary school. Trudy Campbell from 'Mad Men' also fits this category, but Trudy is brought down by her depressing marriage to Pete.

Audrey Horne from 'Twin Peaks' - From the greatest TV show ever, kind of the quintessential strange girl. Dances by herself to slow reverby jazz, falls in love with Special Agents, and dresses better than anyone ever.

Margaret Yang from 'Rushmore' - Initially rebuked by Max Fischer Margaret is the dedicated and caring gf we all want. She acts in your play, she tries to make you feel better when you're depressed about someone else, and she helps you realize that you should actually like her instead of some weird kindergarten teacher with no sense of humor and bad teeth.

So, there it is...the perfect woman as acted, written and imagined throughout a span of about fifty years ('A&P' is from the 60's, and essentially so is Trudy Campbell). Why is this so hard? It appears all I really want is a brilliant, hilarious girl who's uncommonly gorgeous and eternally devoted. Oops.

PS- Translation: Love is a crazy baby with an attitude.

SUNSET IN ST. TROPEZ

2010-02-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

I was looking at my old online journal and seven years ago today I heard a lady at a library say: "well, i read one of her books everyday, i just started." The lady was referring to Danielle Steel. Haha! I love that. Every day? I hope she has 2,555 (give or take, adjust for leap year) books, or that lady has had to find a new author. Try James Patterson, or that other guy that wears battleship hats. I really do wonder what that lady is reading now, maybe she's moved on to Harlan Ellison or Oscar Wilde. I wish I had the time to read a book every day, I doubt I'd go for DS, but I've got plenty of stuff waiting. Anthony Bourdain, I'll learn of yr kitchen confidentialities soon, and there's a certain Chekov short story I've been meaning to re-read for months now.
I'm jealous of that lady, I guess I could be reading right now, but a lunch hour is barely enough time to finish anything. Maybe I'll forgo my endless repeats of 30 Rock for the written word...but that doesn't sound probable.

DON'T COME CLOSE

2010-02-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

Three new poems to enjoy and dissect...

'Agyrophobia'

Whistling tuneless through dry summer lips
Laminated and yellow with morose glamour tips
Fresh phobias and acne to add to the crest
Submissions sound sweet but still feel under dressed

'Halvesies'

Creative carriers with test pattern eyes
Convinced your kid sister they're really great guys

'A List of People Who Would Probably Like Me if They Knew Me'

Eclipsed by percentages, theories and cheats
I was kid Icarus to your legendary wings
Graphing calculator putting "but"s in the seats
I'm held together by a spool that sings

Wandering tired temperature gauge
Made massive cuts in our intellectual drones
Girls flaunt their nonsense, boys hide their age
Glorious fossils with synthetic bones

A TRUE STORY OF A STORY OF TRUE LOVE

2010-01-28T08:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Snow,
I love you, I've always loved you and probably always will. Here's the thing: I'm not 12 years old anymore. I no longer feel the excitement of 'snow'. The only real upside to the possibility of snow is that it might be SO bad that I get to miss work...which I think happened once. Nowadays, snow means my car and/or work van sliding all over the road, the possibility of missing out on seeing my friends, and subsequent weeks of awful wet muddiness and sad clumps of snow that for some reason refuse to melt. It's a bummer.
I enjoyed you momentarily today. After a 50 minute commute to work (about a half hour longer than usual) complete with slipping and sliding (made tolerable only by Destroyer's 'Your Blues' album) I arrived at work and slip slided my way to the Post Office. When I was leaving the PO I stopped for a moment and just enjoyed the then still heavily falling snow. I got to experience that quiet, peaceful feeling that snow can give you. Then it was back in the van to negotiate the icy stuff once again.
So, what I'm trying to say is I love you and please go away. It's the end of January, and I know you've always got one big February storm planned. Put it off, okay? I'm okay with one big storm a year, screw up all my plans and make everything look nice for a day and then terrible for a month...but just once a year. Don't be cute about it either, no big storm on December 28th and then another one on January 17th, you'll be all "but Brian, those WERE two different years". Not cool snow.
I wish I still felt the impulse to enjoy you as I once did. Making forts and sledding and throwing you at my friends and climbing those big piles of you in parking lots...but there's one simple reason I can't do those things anymore: Clothing. I have less than no interest in buying big snow resistant pants, and boots, and like, a snow jacket? Ugh, forget it. If I could do all those things I mentioned in jeans and a sweater without catching pneumonia, I'd do it in a second (and now I could do it drunk, which makes it all the more enticing). Until I move to Canada I won't be making those purchases, and maybe not even then. Of course, it's stopped snowing since I started writing this...and I already miss you.

Yr Friend,
Brian

THE PHONIEST OF BALONIES

2010-01-27T10:57:00.000-08:00

-- Name: Brian James Muirhead
-- Birth date: aug twenty five eighty one
-- Birthplace: Somerset Med Center
-- Current Location: my desk, at lunch, bored
-- Eye Color: the bluest blue
-- Hair Color: the light brownest light brown
-- Righty or Lefty: right
-- Zodiac Sign: virgo

- describe
-- Your heritage: irish, scottish, english, polish...european mutt
-- The shoes you wore today: my shitty damaged work shoes
-- Your hair: normal
-- Your eyes: hidden behind consistently fogged spectacles
-- Your weakness?: cheap records, beautiful ladies
-- Your fears: are largely irrational
-- Your perfect pizza: hot, ultra cheesy, and with the minimum of those weird paper-thin tomato pieces
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: i'd like to be elected president by accident

- what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: i don't use aim much...but maybe "haha"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: i first have to convince myself that the dream i just had was a dream and not reality
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite(or same) sex: opposite: face, or strangely enough, shoes. same: i tend to notice if they have a cool t-shirt or not
-- Your best physical feature: that's for the judges to decide
-- Your bedtime: usually whenever i can literally no longer stay awake, though i would like to
-- Your greatest accomplishment: discovering radium
-- Your most missed memory: i don't understand the question

- you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: sprite zero
-- McDonald's or Burger King: baja fresh
-- Single or group dates: i don't go on dates
-- Adidas or Nike: umm, if i had to? nike
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: snapple (why is that not an option?)
-- Chocolate or vanilla: that depends, are we talking ice cream or cookies or cake? c'mon!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: skim, 120 degree, hot chocolate, no whipped cream
-- Boxers or briefs: with recent technological advances this question has been rendered moot

- do you
-- Smoke: not anymore
-- Cuss: i try not to
-- Have a crush(es): nope
-- who are they: pay attention
-- Do you think you've been in love: i know i have
-- Want to go to college: i would love to get my PhD in abnormal psych...one credit short!
-- Like high school: i loved it, as much as you can love anything when you spend the whole time avoiding people sitting in the stairwell
-- Want to get married: i'm not opposed to it
-- Type w/ your fingers: yeah (what kind of question is that?)
-- Believe in yourself: "sometimes you're all you've got" -Rambo?
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: it's all relative
-- Think you're a health freak: certainly more so than i used to be
-- Get along with your parents: for sure
-- Like thunderstorms: for sure
-- Play an instrument: for sure

- in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: duuuude
-- Smoke(d): nope
-- Done a drug: i'm not so adventurous
-- Have Sex: WHAAAAT!
-- Made Out: unfortunately no
-- Go on a date: you already asked me that, if you're not going to pay attention i'm not going to continue
-- Go to the mall?: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: i used to like the chocolate covered ones, so decadent
-- Eaten sushi: i haven't eaten sushi in 28 years
-- Been on stage: "all the world's a stage" -Rambo
-- Been dumped: no, thank god
-- Gone skating: ice skating? no, when i do that i have to hold on to the wall and i get passed by 65 year old spanish ladies
-- Made homemade cookies: that would be delightful, but no
-- Been in love: that would be less delightful, and no
-- Gone skinny dipping: that's not my style, survey
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: no

- have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: didn't we all?
-- If so, was it mixed company: of course, what are you trying to say survey?
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: ha! yes, and i recommend watching 'the dark knight' before you go to sleep
-- Been caught "doing something": too vague
-- Been called a tease: no, i'm a dude
-- Gotten beaten up: totally
-- Shoplifted: when i was young
-- If so, did you get caught: no
-- Changed who you were to fit in: back in the day, as they say, i had very little self-esteem

- the future
-- Age you hope to be married: okay survey, if we're not married by the time we're 40, we'll get married
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i want three babies, one named Maxamillion (but we call him Monty for short), then there's Eugene, and lastly we've got the girl...name yet unknown, but I'm leaning toward Joenifer.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: lady's choice...except it has to be on a hill overlooking another hill
-- How do you want to die: in the rapture
-- Where you want to go to college: listen survey, yr getting a little pushy, forget about our eventual marriage
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: bassist in a funk band, or big wave surfer
-- What country would you most like to visit: france

- opposite sex-
-- Best eye color?: i've always loved green
-- Best hair color?: there is none
-- Short or long hair?: i'd prefer longer than shorter
-- Best height: slightly shorter than myself
-- Best weight: fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round
-- Best articles of clothing: pencil skirts and sweaters, i have a Mad Men-esque vision of beauty
-- Best first date location: Stonehenge
-- Best first kiss location: behind one of the Stonehenges

- number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life: i have no idea but i bet it's not double digits
-- Number of girls you have made out with: less than
-- Number of girlfriends you've had: officially, uno
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: umm, i think i had a sip of my dad's beer when i was a baby. it sucked
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: i have no idea
-- Number of CDs that I own: i'm bad at estimating this kind of thing, so let's say between 150 and 7,000
-- Number of piercings: none
-- Number of tattoos: II
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: let's see...how many times did I win the spelling bee?
-- Number of scars on my body: i have a bunch! iguana bite, pencil stab, laparoscopic surgery, dragged by dog
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: eleventy godzillion

Double 0 is Gonna Glow, and Other Fallacies: The Top 10 (ish) Albums of the Decade

2010-01-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

The time: 1993…or ’92, or whatever year I entered Middle School.
The place: The auditorium / lunchroom of said Middle School.
The event: A young and goofy Brian sits (most likely, in sweatpants) with some of his fellow soon-to-be 6th graders and learns that he is part of the Class of 2000. It sounds so futuristic! Visions of kids on hoverboards holding diplomas race through my head. It is at this point I heard something I will never forget, the slogan for my graduating class: Double 0 is Gonna Glow! Wow. The word ‘unimaginative’ comes to mind. We’re going to glow? Is there going to be some sort of nuclear war or chemical spill?
Fast forward to 2010, Middle School and the ‘Double 0’s’ have come and gone and not only were they some of the worst years ever, I am still not luminescent.
A truly awful decade has just passed us by leaving behind war, disease, injustice, unrest, and…what’s the opposite of world peace? Well, that too, whatever it is. Thankfully there was some great music to listen to, and here’s what I liked best in the double 0’s.

Top 10 Albums of the Decade:
1. ‘Discovery’ by Daft Punk (2001) – I can’t argue myself out of this choice, Daft Punk has been at the forefront of musical creativity since ‘98’s ‘Homework’. Electronic music had an unprecedented surge this decade, and I can’t think of a band more deserving of the role of catalyst. This record has such diversity but at the same time is hit after hit. Listening to it the whole way through you’d come back to songs that you maybe had forgotten about and you can really see what a step forward this was. In the 90’s I, as I’m assuming many other “punk” kids were, listened to primarily whatever was on the radio before I really discovered music. Through this practice I thought the only dance music that existed was Snap, and C&C Music Factory. Judging by the musical landscape as it is today, I wasn’t the only punk kid who just happened to find out he loved French house music. I love when the boundaries are broken down and anyone from any scene can do any sort of music and without this record I don’t think there’d be half as many great ‘00 albums as there are, but this one still beats them all.

2. ‘Microcastle/Weird Era Continued’ by Deerhunter (2008) – Off the top of my head I can only think of three or four records that I would put ahead of this one on an all time favorites list. This record completely blew me away when I first heard it and the effect still hasn’t worn off. Before this record Deerhunter were a kind of odd, creepy sounding band that I found a little off-putting. Once I heard about their new endeavor and shift in sound I knew this record would be really good, I just didn’t know it would be this good. Plucky guitars, dreamy pop vocals, My Bloody Valentine-esque screeches and wails, enigmatic song titles with lyrics about being simultaneously set free and hidden away, and a double CD with casually cool artwork and a sherbert color scheme…I can’t say enough, I’m fighting myself to stop typing.

3. ‘Mt. Forever’ by The Party of Helicopters (2000) – I’m laying on my bed, my room is dark and there’s a record spinning on the stereo from a band I just saw at a basement show, and wasn’t all that interested in. ‘Mt. Forever’ came into my life out of nowhere by way of Ohio, and literally changed it. I sat there transfixed by what I was hearing. It was like Gregorian monks singing a duet with Prince while a prog-metal band covered My Bloody Valentine, or vice versa. This was my go-to favorite record of all time for a while with good reason, it’s brilliant.

4. ‘Is This It’ by The Strokes (2001) – Can we all agree on this being THE cultural touchstone of the decade? Back off Coldplay, go to hell ‘Kid A’, The Strokes were the moment of the 00’s. Endless praise turned to gutless disregard just because five guys who made a truly great album got a little press. They may have had the tightest jeans, the dirtiest white Converse, and questionably privileged backgrounds, but that shouldn’t have made them the target. It was really something to watch the backlash towards The Strokes. I saw them, right before they got big, in Hoboken and I remember thinking Julian Casablancas was like a perfect mix of Johnny Depp and Iggy Pop. This is still a great piece of true rock music in all it’s Lou Reed-y, pseudo-nonchalance glory that has spawned a thousand imitators but hasn’t been topped yet.

5. ‘Guitar Romantic’ by The Exploding Hearts (2003) / ‘Let It Bloom’ by Black Lips (2005) – Punk was in a strange place these last ten years. The grunge and indie-punk that made it’s way into the mainstream in the 90’s was tossed away for, at first, the aural abomination known as nu-metal, and more recently the dual crappiness of the long stringy haired (and oft-mega religious) emo-core (?) and sickeningly sweet sound of what I’ll call radio-friendly pop punk, because I can literally think of nothing else to call it. If I had to choose sides I’d align with the latter in a second, but neither one represents anything you’d call “punk”. The two records that share this spot essentially kept my hope alive for the future of punk. The first is flawless power pop, I wouldn’t hesitate to call it the most enjoyable and fully realized power pop record of all time. ‘Guitar Romantic’ is (due to some unfortunate events) a time capsule, much like ‘Nevermind’, in that when it came along it just demolished everything else around. ‘Let It Bloom’ is garage punk perfection and the epitome of a band not taking themselves too seriously. If there was only one word to describe these records I would think it would have to be ‘refreshing’, if not ‘genius’. And ‘Let It Bloom’ also has my favorite album cover art of all time.

6. ‘Made In The Dark’ by Hot Chip (2008) – My ‘Best Record of 2008’ (didn't hear Deerhunter until '09) makes the list for the simple reason of potential. This record is an auditory example of a band actually making the best record they possibly can. Their two prior records hinted at greatness and occasionally achieved it, but this record is non-stop electronic domination. Every song is phenomenal and genuinely different from the next. In a decade where every ‘next big thing’ was four schumcks from across the pond, Hot Chip stands out as a band that doesn’t need hype to make an unforgettable statement.

7. ‘Commit This To Memory’ by Motion City Soundtrack (2005) / ‘Chroma’ by Cartel (2006) – Speaking of radio-friendly pop punk I’ve gotta say that these are two of my all time favorite records. It’s hard to defend a lot of records by contemporaries of these two bands, but there’s something very different about these two. MCS is much more of an emo band than I had thought before I bought this CD off Amazon for three bucks. It really is one of the most hopeful and genuine records I’ve ever heard and it leans much more toward nerdy and awkward than the typical pop punk record that tends more often to sound like a bunch of wolves in sheep’s clothing. ‘Chroma’ is like being baptized by the pop gods in a reflecting pool of hair gel. It’s SO poppy and positive that I was hooked instantly. It’s like these guys said, “We’re going to be a bunch of cute dudes and girls will love us but we want to make something a little bit better than everything else”, and they totally did. Both of these records, for me, make me feel like I’m at a water park or it’s the last day of school or something. Not everyone gets it, and I’m fine with that, but if you can appreciate records like these, you can’t do much better.

8. ‘Coquelicot Asleep in the Poppies: A Variety of Whimsical Verse’ by Of Montreal (2001) – This was the last Of Montreal release that really sounded like Of Montreal. After this record they began to mutate into the heavily electronic aberration that they remain as today. It’s not that they’re BAD now, they’re just not the twee, lyrical, cutesy Of Montreal that I used to know and love. This band was like the embodiment of ‘indie’ way back when. They made odd, poetic songs that lived in imagination and romance and they gave in to their eccentricities and excesses…this record ends with a 17+ minute song that’s 99% piano flourishes, for example. The reason this record deserves a spot is because it’s unlike any other record I own. It brings to mind musical outsiders like Captain Beefheart in it’s density and stylistic variation. On the other hand, where other oddball musical experiments like this fail, this one succeeds again and again with Beatles-esque pop melodies and intermittent theatrical spoken pieces. This album is like a 22 track vacation from every boring record you’ve ever heard.

9. ‘Sung Tongs’ by Animal Collective (2004) – Put this record on in a car full of friends and you may get a request or two to throw it out the window…you may just as well see your friends hypnotized by the lysergic wonder of ‘Leaf House’ and ‘Who Could Win A Rabbit’. This is a record to be discovered and absorbed. It was written and recorded (if I remember correctly) by just two of the four AC members, and was the first release of theirs I came across. It really embodies all the cliché art terms you can throw at it: unique, avant garde, groundbreaking. There’s no point in describing the songs or themes, this kind of record is at its richest, most inspirational when you just give it an honest listen.

10. ‘United We Doth’ by PFFR (2003) – The final spot on many of my lists tend to belong to someone or something I can rant about. In this case it belongs to one of the strangest and most hilarious records ever. PFFR (pronounced P.F.R.) are made up of the creative force behind TV shows like Xavier: Renegade Angel and Wonder Showzen. People may classify this record as “twisted”, “demented” or “crude” but not only is it hilarious, it’s also musically brilliant. The songs (mostly about strange interactions, strange comparisons, strange opinions and how much you either are or are not like an eagle) are catchy and bizarre and thoroughly enjoyable. This may have begun as a novelty but somewhere along the way it mutated into a classic.

The Best of the Rest: Honorable Mentions -
‘We Have The Facts And We’re Voting Yes’ by Death Cab For Cutie (2000)
‘Melody Of Certain Damaged Lemons’ by Blonde Redhead (2000)
‘Jane Doe’ by Converge (2001)
‘Oh, Inverted World’ by The Shins (2001)
‘Maladroit’ by Weezer (2002)
‘Want One’ by Rufus Wainwright (2003)
‘Madvillainy’ by Madvillain (2004)
‘Heartbeeps’ by Mae Shi (2005)
‘Double Death’ by Coachwhips (2006)
‘Trouble In Dreams’ by Destroyer (2008)

These albums are not necessarily records 11-20 on my decade list, they’re just ten more releases I wish I could find a reason to write about.

3 Hits from Hell: Ten Years with Liars –
Over the past decade three of my favorite songs have come from one band, Liars. A dance-punk turned experimental turned more experimental turned low-fi indie group that has weathered the storm better than most and put out some really highly praised (and some not so highly praised) records. Here they are:
(2002) ‘Loose Nuts On The Veladrome’ – No idea what this title means, I just no every time I hear the opening line, ‘Last night, you and I, we gathered berries with a flashli-i-i-i-iiii-ight!’ I get the same feeling I had the first time I heard it, this is awesome.
(2006) ‘The Other Side Of Mt. Heart Attack’ – Found ending the ‘Drum’s Not Dead’ album, this song is like some kind of meditation on what came before it. After a blistering and chaotic record this song comes along and is reassuring and peaceful in a way that transcends the scope of the album.
(2007) ‘Cycle Time’ – This is a no-frills kind of attacking rock song, complete with Angus Andrew’s signature full bodied chant style of singing. It’s aggressive without being confrontational which could make a similar song sound phony.

Ya Blew It: The Most Commercially Viable and Overlooked Song of the Decade-
‘Myth Takes’ by !!! – The group known as !!! (most commonly pronounced as ‘Chk Chk Chk’) has been orbiting the indie experimental/dance universe since the mid-to-late ‘90s. In 2007 they released ‘Myth Takes’, a grand gesture of trippy dance rock that was far more evolved than anything they’d released prior. The opening track (‘Myth Takes’, the song) is a hyped-up, bass heavy, reverb gem that sounds like something Chris Isaak and Sly Stone may collaborate on. Everywhere you looked in the past few years there was an indie song used in commercials, movies and TV shows (Spoon, Phoenix, Passion Pit and Band of Horses immediately come to mind) and if I was one of the few who choose these songs ‘Myth Takes’ would have ended up somewhere. I picture it opening a sci-fi or mystery TV series, not to mention the slowed-down remix available on the second disc opening up a quality drama. This is basically my shot at the advertising execs who slept on this song.
As a side note, this record features the GREATEST song title ever: ‘All My Heroes Are Weirdos’.

So, that's about it. Thanks for reading, be good 2010.

ZACK FINCH

2010-01-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

A few years ago my friend Zack Finch died in a car accident. I met him in English class my Freshman year of high school. I thought he looked really cool, as Freshman quasi-punks often do towards older dudes that they think share their anti-establishment views. Zack wasn't a punk per say, more of a skater? It was the 90's, did anyone have a solid personality? He always argued this point, but in group activities we would pair up and I would write the papers. I would joke that he MADE me, but really it was that I wanted to and he didn't care. He always treated me with that cool detachment that upperclassmen use when they're friends with younger kids that they don't consider obnoxious pricks, I know I used it in the coming years.
The point of all this being that today is his birthday, and I've been thinking a lot about him lately. Death in general too, but when you think about death you can't help but think about the people close to you who've died. For me, my dad, my grandma and Zack were the hardest hitting and most significant losses. My dad died of a heart attack, or heart failure (I never really found out, it was a strange time) in November of '99, it wasn't a shock as he'd been reminding me he wasn't going to live very long ever since I can remember. He was an alcoholic Vietnam War vet with PTSD who smoked constantly, it was more shocking that he made it as long as he did, really. My grandma had to spend the last few years of her life in nursing homes and hospitals due to Cervical Cancer and a tendency to break a bone every month of so. I remember once she tripped over a turned up carpet and broke something, a hip or ankle maybe, and when the paramedics arrived one of them said "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Can you believe that? 100% true. And as I said Zack died in a car accident, I remember my friend Sean calling me on my cell phone at work to let me know. I was putting away magazines and then I had to just go back and make drinks for people for hours with that news just sitting in my head...maybe I could have left work but for some reason I feel like I'm burdening people if I tell them things like that, that's my own issue I guess.
What I've been thinking about mostly is what happens (and what doesn't happen) after you die...but also what happens in your mind prior. In the case of my dad and grandma, they had a lot of time to reconcile the fact that they didn't have a lot of time left. But as for Zack, that must have been a split second, no time at all. I'm not a religious person, and I certainly don't believe in the classic "God", as in Adam and Eve and the Ark and all of that...but we had to come from somewhere and I think there has to be something after. I've always liked the idea of reincarnation, I guess it's just as illogical as any other notion, but it's much more poetic and decent, at least in my rudimentary understanding of it. It's a terrible reference, but I think of Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump (stop laughing) and the part where he swims and makes his peace with God, obviously he didn't do this before he died, but I wonder if my dad and grandma experienced anything like that.
I kind of can't even believe I'm writing any of this, it's such a bummer and I think I've been depressed enough lately. I can't help it I guess.
I remember right after Zack's viewing (horrible term if you ask me) me and my then-girlfriend stopped at Wawa to get something to drink. In the parking lot I stopped to say hi to another friend who just happened to be there. Out of nowhere some guy walks out of some store in the strip mall and starts ragging on me and my girlfriend because we look goth. "Hey! It's not Halloween! What are you guys supposed to be, The Osbournes!" All that. I was just looking at this guy, completely shocked that someone who was actually wearing black because someone they knew and loved had died was being mistaken for a goth kid. I could have leveled this guy, for real, I could have made this guy feel like garbage for years. "Actually my friend just died! Got any jokes about that!" But I didn't say anything, I just looked at him and eventually he said, "Hey man I'm just kidding around, okay?" It was a really profound moment, it was about having to make a choice, I certainly wasn't thinking 'What Would Jesus Do', but I was thinking about suffering and guilt and karma, as little as I knew about any of it.
I had surgery for the first time ever this year and I wasn't scared of dying right until they wheeled me into the operating room. I thought, 'Oh my god, this could be the last room I see, and I can't really even move, all I see is lights' and then they gave me the gas and I was out. When I woke up hours later I was in an unfamiliar, gigantic white room, and I literally thought I was in Heaven. Please feel free to laugh. It's not even a joke, for a few moments I thought I was in Heaven, some kind of heavenly waiting room, I arrived in my gown, how embarrassing. Then I looked down and there was a nurse doing a crossword or something and it hit me that I WAS in some kind of waiting room, but it was on Earth.
I don't know what that story had to do with anything, maybe just a laugh to lighten the mood a bit. Kind of grim topics, but sometimes that's what's on yr mind. I guess all I really wanna say is that I hope Zack, where ever he is and whatever form he is in, is enjoying his birthday. He was one of the sweetest and kindest people I've ever known and I miss him everyday.

"LIVE FAST, DIE AWESOME" -ZF

I LOVE YOU, TRUDY CAMPBELL

2010-01-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

Speaking of Mad Men, wow. I've watched the first two seasons in the last two weeks, I have one more episode of season 2 to watch and I'm putting it off a bit, I don't want it to end. Apparently season 3 is coming out in March, I can't watch it on TV, that may screw up the order. Jeez. Last night I bought the first season of The Big Bang Theory, that should hold me for a day or two. I gotta say I like the look of Don Draper in California, if I was him I would have stayed there with Joy, was that dude really her dad? Oh, spoiler alert? I think I'm pretty much the last person on earth who is not completely caught up with Mad Men, I feel like I can spoil nothing.

There's been some rad music lately: Final Fantasy, Why? and Hella have been ruling the car. Not to mention there are new records by Spoon, Hot Chip, Xiu Xiu, and Final Fantasy all coming out soon.

Back to my Top 10 of the Decade list...

Turn Those Lemons Upside-Down: 2009, The Year In (Good) Music

2010-01-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

As I always state, I am not a professional reviewer...this simply means that record companies don't send me free records and no one pays me to write. My apologies to all the records that I liked this year that didn't get mentioned and many thanks to anyone who actually reads this. Since I got the worst papercut of my life today I feel a little bittersweet about starting the list like this, but here we go...

Top 10 Albums of 2009:
1. ‘You Can Have What You Want’ by Papercuts – Picking this year’s Record of the Year was much more difficult than last year. Hot Chip’s ‘Made in the Dark’ was an obvious choice, partly because I hadn’t heard several of the great 2008 releases, but also because it was just such a complete record. I decided on Papercuts for a few reasons: 1. I remember sitting in the car after hearing ‘The Wolf’ on the radio and waiting through 5 or 6 subsequent (and awful) songs just to hear who that first song was. 2. Throughout the year I continually grabbed this record on my way out the door, and repeat car listenings goes a long way. 3. I’m not sure how well known this band is (evidenced by my seeing this record sitting in a used bin for $1.99 at the Princeton Record Exchange) and I wanted to pick something, at least somewhat, less than obvious…besides the fact that it’s just an amazing record.
2. ‘Phrazes For The Young’ by Julian Casablancas – Who saw this coming? I love Little Joy, Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti’s side project, and Albert Hammond Jr.’s stuff is decent, but I didn’t think Mr. Casablancas had anything left in the tank. It’s still new and exciting to me, I just got it last weekend, so maybe that’s why I’m so on board…but c’mon, timing really is everything. This is just a really incredible record, it’s 8 tracks (a little short for a full length, I agree) of weird pure pop, it has an 80’s-by-way-of-the-future feel and actually sounds optimistic, if not positive in the face of the rapture. However, WARNING: You have to be willing to accept this album for what it is, if you are too cool for school you won’t get it.
3. ‘Miike Snow’ by Miike Snow – As jarring as #3 may be to look at (all those ‘i’s!) this record really surprised me. I’d heard ‘Animal’ on the radio about a thousand times and decided to finally break down and buy the record…but only if I could find it used. I did, and I was totally into it. It’s kind of a sampler of everything good about electronic/dance music, it’s heartfelt and organic while still being icy and suave and everything else electronic music has to be.
4. ‘Axe To Fall’ by Converge – There’s not a whole lot I can say about this record. Anyone who knows Converge knew this was going to be yet another redefining of ‘heavy’ music. Converge is, for me at least, the benchmark by which all other ‘heavy’ acts are measured. They’ve been doing this forever and they actually get better and better every time. This record makes so many others obsolete.
5. ‘Rainwater Cassette Exchange’ by Deerhunter / ‘Logos’ by Atlas Sound – This is the Bradford Cox two-fer. This year the man at the helm of Deerhunter and the sole driving force of Atlas Sound released 2 great records, and in the interest of saving space they get to share #5. ‘RCE’ is an EP, but a fantastic 5 song EP is better than a bloated, boring LP any day. This record continues in the tradition of last year’s phenomenal ‘Microcastle/Weird Era Cont.’ and really cements them as one of the best and most promising groups around. Atlas Sound is similar in tune and texture but is certainly more trimmed down and personal. ‘Logos’ is the follow-up to last year’s ‘Let The Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel’, and it’s a more cohesive and song-oriented effort. Two of the real bright spots are the songs ‘Walkabout’ which features Noah Lennox, Panda Bear from Animal Collective (the song sounds a lot like something on a Panda Bear solo record) and ‘Quick Canal’ which features Letitia Sadier of Stereolab (this song sounds more like someone covering Stereolab, than Stereolab themselves). There’s something very endearing about these two songs, the latter especially, who does a song with the singer from Stereolab in 2009? This is a solid record.
6. ‘Summer Of Hate’ by Crocodiles – Last year brought us The Muslims (now known as The Soft Pack), the other band formed out of the now defunct Plot to Blow Up the Eiffel Tower, and now we have Crocodiles. Named for the Echo & The Bunnymen record, this is a two piece electronic duo (think Suicide from California) who make a kind of smoldering, damaged, punk noise rock that could apparently appeal to readers of Rolling Stone (it was featured as a ‘Buy This Now’ item). This record takes the beauty of being an outcast, the anger of endless frustration, plays it back and doesn’t care if you dig it or not.
7. ‘200 Million Thousand’ by Black Lips – Easily the best named album of the year ‘200 MT’ is yet another strong collection from Black Lips. ‘Elijah’, ‘The Drop I Hold’, and ‘Let It Grow’ continue the tradition of innovative garage the Lips have been making for years now. Though ‘I’ll Be With You’ is pretty much a carbon copy of the earlier ‘Dirty Hands’, the rest of the album holds up as a modern piece of garage in a sea of rehashed 60’s nostalgia.
8. ‘Break It Up’ by Jemina Pearl – I’m an unashamed and unapologetic lover of Jemina Pearl. I loved Be Your Own Pet and I don’t think they ever got (or will ever get) the credit they deserved for what they truly were. This is probably the only record I’ve ever gotten excited about through reading a blog, I followed the writing and recording process through Jemina’s blog and was ready to love every second of the record. Even though I don’t, it’s still a really good collection of songs. Members of Redd Kross and Sonic Youth had help in the production (as they did with BYOP) and you can feel their presence, but I’d like to see Jemina become a little more Debbie Harry and a little less Cherie Currie. Songs like ‘Heartbeats’ and ‘Selfish Heart’ are unassailably cool and completely pop and that’s where she’s at her best.
9. ‘In & Out Of Control’ by The Raveonettes – Last year’s ‘Lust Lust Lust’ missed my top ten (#11, so close!) but this record snuck on due to some of the strongest songs they’ve ever written. It’s hard to tell where The Raveonettes lie in the collective consciousness of the music buying public (or the music downloading public) but I kind of think they’re completely overlooked. I was at a show in Hoboken once and in walks Sharin Foo, all blonde and boots, and I don’t remember anyone even approaching her…even to buy her a drink. They had a song in a K-Mart commercial a few years back, and I heard their Christmas song at the mall yesterday, but this is really more of a review of the public at large for ignoring The Raveonettes rather than a quick blurb about yet another great record.
10. ‘Tentacles’ by Crystal Antlers – I reserved the #10 spot last year for a band and record that I thought was a bit underachieving, and so now it’s a tradition. ‘Tentacles’ has 4 amazing songs, and then a bunch of decent to sub-par tracks. Crystal Antlers are an organ-over-everything rock band that incorporate woodwinds and saxophones a feature a really talented singer, and this record has a few truly promising moments. Other times however it seems like they’re just going through the motions. I’d like to see them put out a record that doesn’t have 13 songs, that’s a little more focused and uses all the collaborative effort they’ve got. As a side note, in terms of band names ‘Crystal’ is the new ‘Wolf’. As another side note, I read a review of this record that said it was no good because Vanilla Fudge already did organ driven rock music. Vanilla Fudge, really? I think there’s enough room for them both.

Top 15 Songs of 2009:
1. ‘Two Weeks’ by Grizzly Bear – Along with the aforementioned ‘Animal’ by Miike Snow and ‘My Girls’ by Animal Collective, ‘Two Weeks’ has to be THE indie-rock radio song of the year. Though I found this year’s ‘Veckatimest’ somewhat underwhelming, I am a GB fan and this song is a classic. You can’t beat it for singing in the car.
2. ‘Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)’ by Beyonce – Please believe me, this choice is 100% un-ironic and not at all comedic fodder, it’s a phenomenon. This song is non-stop, it’s all energy and it’s accompanied by one of the best videos ever made.
3. ‘Enemy Destruct’ by Thee Oh Sees – The opening track from the quite enjoyable ‘Help’, this song is a monster. It’s also the first song they played when I saw them this fall, and Jeff Dwyer couldn’t have been nicer during our brief interaction.
4. ‘The Wolf' by Papercuts – This is a dreamy, reverb-y, echo-y, shoegaze-ish pop gem where Jason Quever sounds a bit like Bjork. See: Album of the Year.
5. ‘Elouise’ by Say Hi – I never thought I’d include a band that used to be called ‘Say Hi to Your Mom’ on a ‘best of’ list, but here they are. Their ’09 release ‘Oohs & Aahs’ is full of great subdued pop about girls, and this opening track will have you hooked.
6. ‘On The Road’ by Turbo Fruits – It’s become clear that while Turbo Fruits (ex-BYOP) aren’t exactly going to wow me, every record they do will have one really, REALLY good song.
7. ‘Conventional Friend’ by Cartel – Cartel’s first album ‘Chroma’ is one of my all time favorites, their following releases (2007’s ‘Cartel’ and this year’s ‘Cycles’) were decent, but it’s songs like ‘Conventional Friend’ that keep me interested. It may be punk-pop for the masses but it works.
8. ‘Disappearing Ink’ by Deerhunter – It appears there’s nothing they can’t do.
9. ‘I Hate People’ by Jemina Pearl – This song is interesting. It’s not the best on the album, and on the surface it’s just a typical girl-meets-guy through a shared hatred of everyone else story. However, if you dig a bit, it has a couple things that set it apart: 1. Iggy Pop is a guest vocalist on it giving it a classic punk feel and instant credibility and 2. it uses vague descriptions of the ‘boy’ that could be interpreted simply as ‘punk’ itself. So when you add these elements it becomes less of a song about a boy and a girl and more a song about someone discovering punk for the first time through their distaste for everything else. All this is completely valid provided you allow yourself to over analyze, which I do.
10. ‘Life Magazine’ by Cold Cave – Very cool song from a very cool record, helmed by the lead singer of Some Girls. The record, ‘Love Comes Close’, has a nice synth-goth-pop sound and this song is just one of 4 or 5 standouts. It also inexplicably showed up in a Radio Shack commercial.
11. ‘It’s Not Impossible’ by Jeffrey Lewis and the Junkyard – Jeffrey Lewis is possibly the most undervalued musician in America. He’s brilliant, writes really interesting songs with endless lyrics, and he’s also an amazing illustrator (the album this song appears on, ‘Em Are I’, has a great Madballs motif). The song is an easy-going little ditty that, to me, seems to be about girls…but I think everything is about girls, so it’s probably a bit deeper than that.
12. ‘Scarlet Fields’ by The Horrors – I didn’t really hear anyone talk about this record besides KEXP’s John Richards, but it was a really surprising and promising release. The Horrors began as a sort of flavor-of-the-month British garage-goth act. Their first release was good but not particularly memorable, but here you can tell they’ve really grown up and let in some other influences (My Bloody Valentine chief among them) and ‘Scarlet Fields’ is nearly perfect.
13. ‘Fall Drive’ by The Hunches – Until a moment ago this spot was occupied by a good song by Black Moth Super Rainbow from their severely boring ‘Eating Us’, but I just remembered this record. 2009 brought yet another awesome release by The Hunches, ‘Exit Dreams’ is just as raw and powerful as their previous stuff, but as with every new record, they’re better than they’ve ever been. I can’t think of a band more underrated than The Hunches, they’re poetic, delicate, and chaotic…one more reason I inexplicably love Oregon.
14. ‘Run’ by Obits – Obits is the new Rick Froberg (Drive Like Jehu, Hot Snakes) project and although this record didn’t really blow me away ‘Run’ is a really strong song in that tradition of straight forward rock.
15. ‘Faker’ by Miike Snow – I like when albums have a way of opening and closing with some purpose, when you can tell someone thought about how to present their music. This is the closing track and it does a great job of wrapping things up in a warm, electric piano-y way. There may be more interesting or influential songs here, but this is what really caught my ear.

Top 10 2009 Discoveries not of 2009:
1. Deerhunter – Easily, if I had heard it, ‘Microcastle/Weird Era Cont.’ would have been my #1 record of last year. It’s like Deerhunter when into my head, found all the songs I’d ever wanted to hear and made them. I could also easily write for another 20 pages about my love for this record, but I’ll spare you.
2. Destroyer – What the hell is Destroyer? Well, it’s on Merge, and I like the cover art for this ‘Trouble In Dreams’ record, but I think the dude is in The New Pornographers, and I’m not into them really…but it’s only 4 bucks, I’ll get it. Thank God. What have I been missing all this time? Amazing, amazing vocals theatrically sung over weird bendy guitar solos and piano. You know you love a band when you’re stuck in the hospital for a week with Pancreatitis due to your soon-to-be-removed inflamed gallbladder and all you can think about is how much you want to listen to Destroyer when you get home.
3. Xiu Xiu – If the first 6 months of 2009 belonged to Deerhunter, the second 6 belonged to Xiu Xiu. ‘Women As Lovers’ (also left off the ’08 list) was another used impulse buy that floored me. I’ve known of this band forever but never thought they were for me, having never heard them and being annoyed that I didn’t know how to pronounce their name (if you feel the same, it’s “shoo-shoo”, named from a Chinese film). No band has ever made me feel worse about being/more hopeful to be a human being. If Deerhunter made all the songs I ever wanted to hear, then Xiu Xiu made all the ones I didn’t know I wanted to hear.
4. Jens Lekman – A kind of Swedish Scott Walker with a hit of Stephen Merritt, I got really into him when I heard ‘Oh You’re So Silent Jens’ and continually heard ‘The Opposite of Halleluiah’ on the radio. I was happy to hear some of his songs in the film ‘Whip It’, especially like 4 seconds of 'A Sweet Summer's Night On Hammer Hill'. He’s incredible.
5. Yo La Tengo – Why, WHY did none of my friends ever tell me that Yo La Tengo are amazing? All I ever knew about them was that they had a million records, lived in Hoboken, and indie people loved them. I took a chance on a used copy of ‘And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out’ and, for the most part, I loved it. ‘You Can Have It All’ is a standout, and I am officially a fan.
6. ‘You, Appearing’ by M83 – Simply put, just a gorgeous song.
7. ‘Falling and Laughing’ by Orange Juice – It sounds like a joke that there was once a band called Orange Juice but I was completely unfamiliar with these seminal Scotts. Classic quirky pop, it’s always great to accidentally come across something that you can tell has influenced a ton of bands you already like.
8. ‘Health // Disco’ – A remix record of Health’s self titled ’07 release, and EVERY SONG is great. How many remix albums can you say that about?
9. A Hard Day’s Night – While I was recuperating from gallbladder surgery I stayed in bed for a week watching TV. Due to the impending release of ‘Beatles Rock Band’ it was non-stop Beatles and I decided to finally watch this movie. The early Beatles are my faves and this is like a time capsule of how to be cool. Dress excellent, sing catchy love songs and speak so that no one can understand a word you say.
10. ‘My Home is the Sea’ by Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy & Matt Sweeney – Anything with Bonnie “Prince’ Billy is worth a try. This is the opening track from the album ‘Superwolf’ and it’s completely cathartic. Four or so minutes in it hits you with this power pop wail, and it’s pretty epic. This was also the record I was listening to the night I went to see ‘Pirate Radio’, so it has memorable connections.

(Special Thanks to the Princeton Record Exchange, 80% of these came from the massive used section, and were quite reasonably priced. Plus, you get to hear stuff like this: “Oh, I think they must have a different section for ‘heavy metal’, because I don’t think AC/DC is ‘rock’.”)

Top 5 Rediscoveries of 2009:
1. ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’ by The Flamigos – This was the year I realized that this is the best love song ever written.
2. Emo – For some reason I got pretty heavily back into emo (and no, it was not because I broke up with my girlfriend.) Maybe it was nostalgia or whatever but the emo classics from high school found new life. Joan of Arc, CaP’n Jazz, Piebald, Death Cab for Cutie (also got into their newer stuff that I formerly gave up on), American Football, Braid, Jets to Brazil, early Bright Eyes, The Van Pelt…and I’m going to include Motion City Soundtrack and Alkaline trio, even though I didn’t listen to them in high school, hearing them now it feels like high school. Emo has, since some point in the 00’s, turned into some weird amalgam of goth, metal, mall-punk, and The Nightmare Before Christmas. It’s not even a thing now, at least, it’s not what it was. People ask me if I’m emo (a lot), and I don’t even know what to tell them (besides no). I want to sit there and tell them emo doesn’t exist anymore and I don’t know what these kids today call themselves. Then I want to give them a copy of ‘When Life Hands You Lemons’, but who has the time?
3. Neil Young – It took me 12 years to realize that the first song on ‘After the Gold Rush’ is one of the best. “I am lonely but you can free me, all in the way that you smile”, how did that not grab my ear in high school?
4. Weezer – I went through a big ‘Maladroit’ phase, as well as finally getting around to buying the deluxe edition of the blue album. There’s something very timeless about Weezer and I hope they start being awesome again soon.
5. Sonic Youth – At the start of 2009 I had 3 Sonic Youth records, most of which I got in high school (it all comes back to high school doesn’t it?), and I presently have 11. I went nuts at some point mid-year and got a new Sonic Youth record like every week. I also read ‘Goodbye 20th Century: A Biography of Sonic Youth’ over the summer. I think the whole thing was caused by the song ‘Shadow of a Doubt’ off the ‘Evol’ record. That song is unbelieveable.

Top 5 Pop Culture Music Moments:
1. (500) Days of Summer – In the scene where Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are riding the elevator and he’s listening to ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out’ by The Smiths on his headphones, Zooey recognizes it and sings it back to him. This is the most unrealistic thing ever put in a romantic comedy (I know this, I’ve seen them all). Even if you’re in Death Cab For Cutie, the odds of Zooey Deschanel singing The Smiths to you in an elevator are slim. However, his reaction to this ridiculous act is completely perfect. If I remember correctly, once she steps off the elevator he simply says, “Holy shit.”
2. Fantastic Mr. Fox – The return of the good Wes Anderson (sorry Darjeeling, I was not a fan) is promising for film and music alike. His films have always had flawless use of music and this one was no exception. My favorite was in the opening scene where Mr. and Mrs. Fox are seen in a side-scrolling shot avoiding obstacles on their way to steal some chickens. Anderson uses the Beach Boys here, which is brilliant because it gives the otherwise macabre act on screen a kind of good time feel which sets you up for the entire film. There’s another great moment when a singer voiced by Jarvis Cocker is playing around a campfire, but that scene is more memorable for what Bean says to him.
3. Infomania – This is a spec of comedic dust in the cable-sphere, but it’s one of my favorite shows. It’s on Current TV, the Al Gore network, and it has a music segment called ‘Sergio’s White Hot Top 5’ wherein host Sergio Chilli makes fun of awful pop music, example: “Coming in at #3 is ‘Good Girls Go Bad’ by Cobra Starship, nice band name idiot.”
4. The Big Bang Theory – Sheldon and Penny singing ‘Soft Kitty’ in the round provides a certain kind of heartwarming usually reserved only for long-lost relatives reuniting on TV, and receiving hand-made gifts from Down Syndrome kids. That’s how special it is.
5. Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job! Season 4 – This is the best combination of music and comedy since Tenacious D. This season alone we heard: Pusswhip Banggang, Minivan Highway, David Liebe Hart’s email song, bloody nips, Tim and Eric’s sitcom theme song, Frank Stallone’s song to his daughter, and of course the song about the father and son who share a bed.

Best Band Name Heard in 2009:
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart – Wow, I have never had such an instant reaction to a band. People may find this name corny or dramatic or just stupid, but I got it right away and I love them for it. They actually made a really good record this year too, and aided in bring back the long off the radar (mine, at least) Slumberland Records label.
Runners Up: Sissy Wish, Au Revoir Simone

Worst Band Name Heard in 2009:
Fanfarlo – This is a weird one because I don’t really know why I don’t like this name, there’s just something about it. It just sounds sloppy, or like some kind of crappy desert…I don’t know what it is, I just know I don’t want any.
Runners Up: The Big Pink, Does It Offend You, Yeah?

Top 3 Mixtape Names of 2009:
1. Contorted Treaties
2. Vociferous Revelry
3. Fake Beard

Most Annoying Band of 2009:
Muse – These guys are at the forefront of something that’s been going on for a while now. These awful British bands that play truly banal rock music that are somehow super popular. Everywhere I look there’s bands like this and they’re just boring as hell. The worst part of all, of course, is that they all think they’re really cutting-edge and hip. Other bands that fall in this category: Kasabian, Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, The Kooks.

Most Annoying Things of 2009:
The Credits of Pirate Radio – Let me begin here by saying that I loved this movie. Apparently people had a problem with it because they used music that was not from the time period they were supposed to be in, and I couldn’t care less. It wasn’t a movie sampler about the music of 1966, it was a movie about the passion that a certain group of people had for a certain kind of music. Here’s my problem: during the credits, because it was a movie about pop music, they showed a montage of albums in pop music that have come about since. For some reason they thought it was a good idea to include ultra commercial, bad pop music albums in said montage. The problem here is that even though The Rolling Stones and The Beatles and The Kinks and all the British Invasion music was ultra commercial pop it was also genuine history in the making and completely culturally relevant. The only album I clearly remember seeing in the credits was one by Kanye West, and my friend said he saw Taylor Swift. It was hard to keep track due to the fact that it was impossible not to be going, “whaaaat, what is that…huh…no way, whaaa?” the whole time. These artists are not on par with ‘Astral Weeks’, sorry. The most glairing problem with this whole issue is the fact that the British government was forcing these songs off the air, so they had to be played on pirate radio. To this point I have heard of no radio station having to remove Taylor Swift and Kanye West from their playlists due to government regulations.

The Beard Backlash – What’s wrong with beards? More importantly, what’s wrong with bands that have beards? This year I listened to a lot of Fleet Foxes and Band of Horses and a bunch of other bands that prefer their faces warm, if not itchy. I read a blurb in GQ recently that said bearded bands don’t seem as rock starish as say…Jet, who suck. This writer had a problem because he wants his rockers to rock! And beards do not rock! Just look what happened to Kings of Leon, last time I looked they only had one bearded member left and they’ve never been more popular. The real backlash has come from the epicenter of bullshit cool, Brooklyn. If you have a beard and you like good music you are one of the three following things: a Brooklynite, a ‘hipster’, or Zach Galifianakis. I’m here to defend Brooklyn in this respect, Brooklyn isn’t cool. At least, it’s not cooler than anywhere else that has a collective scene and decent bands, and the only people that get down on it and call you a hipster are people that listen to Jet, who suck. So yes, I have a beard, no I’m not a hipster, yes I wouldn’t mind being Zach Galifianakis, and no I don’t live in Brooklyn…but I wouldn’t mind it, that’s where all the cool bands are.

Missing the Atlas Sound / Broadcast show that I had tickets for in Philly - Yeah, this was a huge disappointment. I missed Little Joy in Hoboken, and I was in the hospital for The Zeros show, but actually having tickets to see these two bands in a place as intimate as the First Unitarian Church was pretty crushing. It was the result of car trouble for both me and my show companion. Dude, I was bummed. Honorable mention to the Horrors / Crocodiles show that I purchased tickets to and then the Horrors canceled the show. Way to be.

Top 5 2009 Albums I Haven’t Heard, but are Probably Pretty Good:
1. ‘Alpinisms’ by School of Seven Bells
2. ‘Bitte Orca’ by Dirty Projectors (Actually, I purchased this on December 30th, after this piece was already written, and it’s amazing. I didn’t want to take anything out of the existing list, but I will say that ‘Stillness Is The Move’ could be the best song of the year.)
3. ‘Manners’ by Passion Pit
4. ‘Middle Cyclone’ by Neko Case
5. ‘The Crying Light’ by Antony and the Johnsons

Microcastles, Hospitals and Sing-A-Longs: 2009 Revisited

2009-12-31T08:35:00.000-08:00

2009 began with me and my girlfriend sitting on a couch drinking beer. As it comes to an end I no longer have that girlfriend, or the couch, but I still love that beer. I've said, rather often, that 2009 was the worst year of my life. I'm not backing off that statement whatsoever, but I am trying to put a positive spin on the year now that it's coming to a close. This year did have the worst Super Bowl ever, but that's a minor grievance. George Carlin and Bea Arthur both died which had a pretty big impact. I consider Geroge Carlin the best comedian of all time, and growing up I watched 'The Golden Girls' every single day with my grandma. Bea Arthur had a certain strength and comedic tone that is really, really once in a lifetime and I hope she's remembered for it. I turned 28 in 2009, which is nothing more than another year closer to 30. In addition to this a bunch of my friends got married or engaged, which isn't a bad thing, it just adds to the overall feeling of getting old. This was the year I went from always being hot to always being cold, a classic sign of decrepitude. I also realized I forgot how to be single. I though it would be nothing but crazy parties and making out with strangers and the kind of freedom that only bachelorhood can afford you. Of course, this wasn't my life before having my first serious girlfriend, so why would it be after? It was actually a life of going to bed early, reading sad books, listening to sad music, and eating cheeseburgers. That last one brings us to the truly worst part of 2009: My cholecystectomy and pancreatitis. During Labor Day weekend I had a terrible pain in my right side and was taken to the emergency room. Long story short, my gallbladder had to be removed, but due to the inflammation the stones had aggravated my pancreas giving me a memorable case of pancreatitis. I was in the hospital for a week and I couldn't eat for 5 days. Due to the drugs I was given I had vivid, horrific dreams and could only sleep about an hour at a time. Once I was back home I still couldn't sleep and I missed seeing Little Joy in Hoboken since I was in such bad shape.
But, okay, so I've got my gallbladder out, I'll never go through that pain again! Hooray! Oops! Kidney stone! Yup, November rolls around and I have a pain in my left side that is 100 times as bad as the gallbladder and it's back the the ER. I had never had a kidney stone, apparently it was formed from the 2 weeks of immobility that I just spoke of...as well as my love of almonds, so says my Urologist.
This hellish time has effected my health in the following ways: I no longer eat anything given through a drive-up window, I no longer drink Coca-cola, no more peanuts, caffeine (at least not as much), extra salt on stuff, and I try to exercise more...so that is a huge 2K9 bummer, as these were my former fave things. Oh yeah, and since I left the hospital I don't like eggs anymore, don't know where that came from.

But, yeah, trying to be positive. I got into some of the best music ever this year (but that's for a different post), I reconnected with old friends, and I shouldn't really be bummed about being healthier.

So 2009 (to borrow a line from a movie I watched quite a bit this year) make like a tree, and get outta here.

BUICK SKYLARK

2009-07-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, hello, it's been a while. Here's the news.

After breaking up with my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years, and leaving the apartment we shared for the last year, I've moved back to my hometown. Back to the internetless house where I grew up and now spend my time listening to music, watching movies and thinking of get-rich-quick schemes. You know like the dude from Creed? Scott Stapp? Oh, you didn't hear? Yeah, right before Creed was supposed to like record their debut record or something he spent all their money on like, a pyramid scheme. I have to assume it was internet based, I don't see him thinking he can get rich selling figurines to octogenarians door-to-door...but that's neither here nor there.

So that's me right now, living back at home, no internet access, no girlfriend.
However, I am an optimist, so here are some things that make life rad:

Sonic Youth: For some reason once I got back home I dug 'Evol' out of my closet, I probably haven't listened to this record since I got it, like, 3 years ago? This set off a wave of Sonic Youth obsession...it's like some of the most pure and inspiring music ever. I don't know why I didn't like that record at first...I was lame.

Step Brothers on dvd: I saw this movie in the theatre and loved it, but at home I can't watch it without the audio commentary on, which is actually a musical commentary. In the age of bs a.d.d. and people with no attention spans, this kind of commentary rewards people with patience...or with an s-load of time on their hands.

Summer: I've always hated summer, I get sweaty, probably faster than anyone ever, but this year I'm kind of into it. At work it sucks, but everything at work sucks, so I can't hold that against it. I'm not real big on the days being crazy long either, but not being completely miserable is a big step.

My Book: I'm writing a book and I love it and I at least had to mention it so screw you! Does 40 pages count as a novel?

Assorted Other Stuff: Louis C.K. 'Chewed Up', Crystal Antlers, The Mighty Boosh, the new Deerhunter ep, So Many Dynamos, chicken sandwiches, 'Major Tom' by Peter Schilling, Walk Hard, Gore Vidal on Bill Maher, Brian Eno, backroads, Ceremony, Jay Reatard...

So yeah, that's it, I should go because I used to work at this library I'm sitting in and I hate it.

PSA 1: I GOT SOME REAL DRESS DOWN

2009-05-26T15:42:00.000-07:00

As a public service I'm posting a list of quality band names that I've thought up throughout the years, use wisely...

Big Power To Life

The Man Pack

Garbage Bicycle

Fantasy Scoops

Star Wars Battle Scene Necktie

He-Tunes

Career Beauticians

Grandma's Infamous Christmas
I Never Met The Baby

Hunky Info

Tropical Friendship

Don't Drink The Pool

Fastronauts

Gentle Americans

More to come...

Behind My Smile: A Black Lips Review

2009-05-23T13:57:00.000-07:00

Back in February Black Lips 'dropped' their new record and being the superfan I am I had it...well, maybe within a week or the release date. It took a chance encounter while driving home a co-worker for me to have the time and opportunity to get my dirty hands on it. Black Lips are interesting, for about a thousand different reasons, but primarily because it seems like they're stars and nobodies all at once. I'll see them on MTV2 kickin' back and introducing some random late night videos, they're mentioned in plenty of magazines and blogs, they play on tv and did shows with The Raconteurs (and probably a bunch of other decently popular bands)...so why does my local independent record store not have their record just a few days after it's release? By 'not have' I mean to say they didn't get any in, not that they are sold out. Even when I saw BL about a year ago I remember thinking that the venue, which is relatively small, wasn't as packed as it should have been. Good Bad Not Evil was a pretty polished record, in comparison to their others, and just in general. It was good but it was also my least favorite, I didn't know what 200 Million Thousand was going to be. About a month before the record came out I heard the single 'Short Fuse' on the radio and I wasn't stoked after hearing that either. A straightforward, fuzzy Brian Jonestown Massacre-esque stomp...it wasn't bad, but it didn't excite me.
So, I've dropped off my co-worker, I've made my purchases, and the two other cd's stay in the bag as I turn up 200MT and unfold the poster. As always, leaving this record store requires a traffic jam. I'm only three or four miles away by the time I hear my beloved Black Lips slo-mo rapping. It's a slow work day so I've got more than enough time to read the manifesto provided by Baby Gusty (whoever that is) about youth and life and things eternally important and presently absent. After the first listen and a good long look at the layout (one thing I love that Black Lips do is provide little explanations of the songs next to the lyrics, and whether it's abstract or obvious I appreciate the information, it's refreshing to have a band that has an interest in YOU having an interest) I was optimistic for what this record could be.
You can't trust a first listen to a record, or a song, or anything really, but music is number one in that respect. I can only think of one record that I count among my all time favorites that I absolutely loved upon first listen. This isn't news of course, I just disclaiming that my judgement of this record wasn't based on a listen and a half on the way back to work. For starters, 200MT is a weird record, it really is. All their stuff is weird and their subject matter is odd and purposely varied and unique, but the stuff on this record (in that respect) is far superior to what was on Good Bad. On that record you have 'Navajo' and 'How Do You Tell A Child That Someone Has Died' which really missed the mark with me, whereas on this recording you get stuff like 'Trapped in a Basement' and 'Elijah' (which is one of the best 5 songs they've ever done ever). The weirdness of this record doesn't stop at the subject matter, the recording is just as strange as what's recorded. It sounds archaic, it sounds muddy and honest in a way that they haven't sounded since they were on BOMP!. I remember that little clip I saw of them on MTV at...I guess it was around 1 or 2am, where they more or less only spoke about how they recorded this album. Back to basics, amps and mics, and it's not bullshit. You can hear everything on this record and it's better for it. Remember before In Utero came out and Kurt Cobain said he wanted to make that record more abrasive on purpose to weed out the...well, since it was the '90s I guess they were poseurs. I get a hint of that idea on this record, only a bit laterally. It feels like maybe some part of themselves felt like they may have crossed a line into an area where they didn't want to be. I can only see this happening one way, a little bit of spotlight has to make you question. For one thing, all I ever seemed to read about them was how 'crazy' their live shows were. They got popular and most of this press was focusing on things they hadn't done in years. Maybe I'm missing the mark entirely here, which I wouldn't be surprised about one bit. It's just a stab in the dark analysis on why this record sounds so different from the previous.
One thing they didn't do on this record, which I thank god for, is try to write another 'Bad Kids'. That was the high water mark for me and I'm sure plenty of other people on Good Bad. I have to say I was nervous they'd become the 'Bad Kids' band, but there's nothing like 'Bad Kids' on this record. 'I'll Be With You' does call on 'Dirty Hands' from Let It Bloom just a bit, but the similarities end there. 200MT, ultimately, is a statement record from one of the best bands of this decade. It's a strong record, when was the last time you heard that? For when it came out, what preceded it, and how it sounds, it's a statement of how dedicated and real Black Lips are.
I don't hate Good Bad Not Evil, actually I kind of hate that I even had to put it down in any way. I love everything Black Lips have done and maybe that taints my vision of what an important record 200MT is, but the truth is that you don't get a band like Black Lips coming along every day. A band that simultaneously exists on the verge and under the radar, recording primitive and sounding futuristic. That description brings to mind other bands (the first I though of was The Ramones) and yes, it has been done before. Bands talk about this kind of existence, and they try attain it and give it life. There's a new important band every minute and part of 200MT's genius is that it isn't trying to be genius, it just is.

YEAH IT WAS AWESOME, COMPARED TO BULLSHIT

2009-05-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Hello, it's been some time, hasn't it? I don't think I've written here in 2 months. I've been dealing with a lot of actual grown-up shit and it's been rough. However, I can't give up on my blog, that wouldn't be very 2K9 of me. The following things have been going on:

*The Room: Over the past 2 months I've watched this movie, all in all and in bits and pieces, probably 3 times and it's really amazing. People make fun of it because it's kind of low rent and there is endless ADR and the story, for the most part makes no sense...and although I can't refute those claims, it's a really astonishing movie. For really. It's like, I can't even describe it, I've never heard the phrase "I don't wanna talk about it" more times in my life, someone says it in almost every scene. It's officially one of my favorite movies of all time.

*Music: I've been devouring music lately, coming across a lot of great stuff and here's a brief list of what's been on my broken headphones: Thee Oh Sees, Crocodiles, Davila 666, Deerhunter (I can't envision a time when 'Microcastle/Weird Era Cont.' isn't in the middle of my musical repertoire), the first Drive Like Jehu record, The Advantage, The Hunches, older R.E.M., Ceremony, Obits, Wavves, Motion City Soundtrack (yes THAT Motion City Soundtrack), Motorhead, The Shangri-La's, Gomez, The Coathangers, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Jens Lekman, Black Moth Super Rainbow, the new MF Doom (though the cd just says Doom), Animal Collective, Band of Horses (the cheesiest yet most completely earnest indie band I've heard in a long time), the new Dan Deacon (although I'm not that into it), Sigur Ros, Discharge, Slayer (yes THAT Slayer), Universal Order of Armageddon, Depeche Mode, Queen (of course), Friendly Fires, Mineral, comedy albums (Eddie Izzard and Nick Swardson mostly), and last but not least the song 'Master Exploder', which brings me to my next stop...

*Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny: A movie I purchased like a week ago and have already watched 4 or 5 times. The song 'Master Exploder' plays in my head all day long at work (and at home when I stayed home because I was, and still am, sick). I always thought the movie was just a retelling of the HBO shows, OH NO! Tis untrue. They do reference the show, but it's it's own thing, and I love it. Commentary on.

*Wayne Pal Basketball: I don't know what it is but I recently bought a shirt at a thrift store with that written on it with a rad smashed up backboard, Shaq style. Take it to the hole jack, damn you gonna eat crack. Shaq baby, got baaaack. It's a very comfortable shirt.

*Driving: It's the perfect time of year to drive around with the windows down, late spring/early summer. It smells amazing and it's not quite super hot so you still get a nice cool breeze now and then. I'm a sucker for it.

*Water: Nothing beats the healing power of water, not only does it quench yr thirst, but apparently it can cure Restless Leg Syndrome. I drink it a lot.

*DayQuil: Nothing beats the healing power of DayQuil. I've gotten used to the taste and NyQuil sucks because it helps me sleep for like a half hour and then I'm up again. NyQuil? Is it NightQuil? It should be, but that doesn't sound right. Anyway, it's all about DayQuil.

That's enough. Return to form, keep it up.

NO NEED TO ASK MY NAME TO FIGURE OUT HOW COOL I AM

2009-03-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

The pope has condemned sorcery.

SAPLING

2009-03-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

I have not written in quite some time, weeks...2 or 3. This is due to the fact that I am trying to grow up and take myself seriously and work on something meaningful, thusly, I'm attempting to write a book. Yes you read it right, a damn book. I'm actually enjoying it more than I thought I would. The only real problemo I've run into is that I usually try to tell stories as fast as possible, it's just part of my personality. This usually results in moments of silence while I try to regroup my thoughts and present a well constructed retelling. So some of my moments in the writings feel a bit short and I don't know how to lengthen them. However, I got a lot of ideas and they're all gonna be in there. It's not too far along yet, but here is a morsel.

My awakening lasts from the time I begin the walk to the gymnasium to the time I enter the gymnasium and see almost everyone in my graduating class country line dancing. Some have changed into their bolo ties and cowboys hats, giving us a taste of their weekend lives. Some, sitting off to the side, are wearing traditional Indian turquoise jewelry. I can’t help but wonder if these cowboys have once again forced their Native brethren to concede their land. This reunion has become part reservation…all square dance, no rain dance. Our peaceful gathering, now merely a microcosm of Manifest Destiny, westward to hell.

MY DESKTOP AT WORK

2009-03-05T20:23:00.000-08:00

SPECIAL INTEREST

2009-02-27T21:55:00.000-08:00

I have a bit of an obsession with the phrase "going out of business". If a store is closing up shop I have to get in on it, all the better if they sell cd's or videos or dvd's. Circuit City is a bit of a ghost town sprinkled with weirdo stragglers looking for plasmas and super cheap copies of Beer for My Horses (actually there were some left, next to the first season of Ghost Whisperer and Return to House on Haunted Hill). I have this anticipation of people running around, knocking each other over to get a bunch of crap. It's a let down though, people act more like pseudo tech savvy zombies. I did get Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story for 60% off, which is a decent find, but I think that's my last CC run. The strangest thing is that they still have like 5 copies of Kanye West's Graduation album. Isn't that weird? At 60% off Kanye's not moving? I was shocked, that's all I'm saying. So yeah, no big screen tv riots, bummer city.

TATTERDEMALION AND A JUNKETER

2009-02-26T16:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't been feeling well lately, on and off. My hope is that my diet of Stella Artois and Count Chocula is helping to fight off the winter's-end germies.

In the last 3 days I've made it through about 270 pages of Lemmy's autobiography White Line Fever, and I've got to say it's a pretty satisfying read. You get the sense that he's a pretty down to earth guy, which I like, same with Ron Jeremy in his book. I will say that it has made me want to own every Motorhead record there is...and apparently there's like 20. I've never (consciously) looked for Motorhead used records, they always seemed like a CD-with-bonus-tracks band to me. And I'm ashamed to say I've never even heard Hawkwind, I knew he was in the band but I never came across them. Used Motorhead, I'm into it.

Other things I'm into right now: VH1's Black to the Future, "I'm Sticking with You" by The Velvet Underground, Richard Simmons on TMZ singing Beyonce, Little Joy (what a great record that is), crosswords, water (anytime I feel really shitty I just drink a bottle of water and assume that will cure me), The Office, the new season of Tim and Eric, Shoplifting (the band), the new season of Xavier: Renegade Angel (although the last one was a little weird), and Queen II. The title of this entry is a lyric from the record, I have no idea what it means.

F DAY THE ONE THREE

2009-02-15T09:38:00.000-08:00

All this talk about friday the 13th...may as well see the new film of the same name. I gotta say, I was not impressed. Not that anyone reads this bloggy anyway, but if you do and you have not seen this film and you want to see this film STOP READING NOW because I may or may not write some kind of spoiler.
All I know is that old school Jason was not meant for these times. These days EVERY crazy killer has some kind of intricate underground system of tunnels complete with booby-traps and all this other shit that can only make you think, 'how did this person ever get all this together?' Well guess what Jason has...an elaborate system of tunnels under the old Camp Crystal Lake. Jason doesn't need some subterranean lair, he just exists in the forest, he doesn't need to have like, an apartment. The movie itself wasn't terrible, it had all the basics and all the right kids and all of that but it wasn't really ever shocking. Every opportunity to have Jason appear behind someone from out of the darkness right before the kill was used. How many times can you see the same shot of a pathetic teen with a towering Jason over him/her before you need a change? The deaths (which is a top 3 reason to watch these movies) were not up to par either, there was a lot of impaling one way or another and overall it was pretty mediocre. You can also judge a Jason movie by who survives and that was easily the worst part of the movie. Here comes that spoiler I told you about. A goddamn brother and sister survive. Are you kidding? That's the worst male/female pair of survivors you can have. Not only is it lame that a bro and sis survive, but it's how they do it. The sister is seemingly killed along with her friends in the very beginning of the film, her brother comes along 6 weeks later and eventually enlists the help of a cocky dude's nice and rather virtuous girlfriend to help him look around CCL for her. Turns out that Jason, for one reason or another, did not kill the sister but is keeping her chained up in his underground pad. So blah blah death death and the brother and the nice girlfriend find the sister in the tunnels and as they are escaping Jason kills the nice girlfriend. What? If anything the brother should get killed saving his sister, but that's not going to happen because he used to date Rory Gilmore. So okay, the nice gf is dead and the siblings take Jason down using a combination of chain, machete, and wood chipper (Fargo? No, he doesn't actually go into it). Then they release his gigantic body back into the lake and as soon as they drop his Mother's locket into the lake he reemerges newly reborn with rage! He comes up through the dock and grabs the sister, who pretended to be his mom twice. Once the sequel come out she will most likely be fine and everyone will deny that ever happened. It wasn't a TERRIBLE movie, but I was bummed. I like to root for Jason and I had a legitimate hope he would actually kill all the kids, but you don't get that kind of ending in movies...just video games.

SIZZLIN' STEAKS AND CREAMY CAKES

2009-02-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

I have not written in a few days...here are some thoughts I had whilst away from my blog spot.

*I saw 'He's Just Not That Into You' and I feel I have to publicly announce my alliance to the romantic comedy genre. I know people like to make fun of them and act like they're too good for them, but most of the great movies are some form of romantic comedy. The movie itself (HJNTIY) was pretty good, not great, but better than most of the movies I've seen in the last year. Is this due to the fact that I seem to go to shit movies more often than good ones? That's not the point! Though it should be looked in to. This is just me sticking up for the romantic comedy, the film equivalent of power pop.

*A guy I work with told me that Limp Bizkit is getting back together. I was visibly bummed out, and then he says, "...and another band too, oh who was it?" To which I say, "Whoever it is, it can't be worse than Limp Bizkit." He thinks for a few minutes, and it comes to him, "...oh! Creed." Wow, it totally can be worse. This is a very good time for the Creeds to come back since Religi-rock has never been bigger. It's not just for pre-fab ultra modern chapel-adiums anymore, crazy punks love jesus now. Kids with tight aqua colored jeans, long long red hair, and the most elaborate studded belt you've ever seen all love the big jc. Creed can do a duet with Paramore and be right back on the charts.

*I have seen every Friday the 13th movie except "Jason goes to Hell". How did that one slip through the cracks? How did it come to be that I've seen the one with the halfway house with the impostor Jason like 10 times, but I never came across Jason in hell. Is he in hell? Apparently he just explodes and parts of him take over other people (the creepy crawly parts that seem to look very similar to the villain in The Hidden). Oh well.

*David Letterman is the best.

*Marie Calendar's frozen lasagna may seem like it's not done, but it is.

*Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job! Season 2 DVD is a LET DOWN! That's right, you heard it straight from me. Tom Goes to the Mayor and T&EASGJ Season 1 had commentaries on every episode and this one has NONE on ANY. What a damn bummer. It's 10 episodes that are each 11 minutes long, they can't set aside 110(ish) minutes to talk about the shit? Then you get like 3 minutes of bloopers, and some pretty uninteresting deleted and extended scenes. Plus the 4 hours of Awesomecon and their live show which...I'm sorry...I'm not interested in either. I don't want to see any other T&E fans, I just wanna see the show. Why would I be interested in seeing some random dude singing along, badly, to 'Come Over'? It's probably me, I've always had a weird thing about fans of shit. People that are super into stuff, probably because I get super into shit. Like, if I went to a live T&E show and had to hear crowds of people doing lines from the show and angling themselves close enough to try and pat T or E on the back, it would ruin the whole experience. Alright, I just had to get that off my chest. I mean, the dvd box didn't say anything about commentaries and I still bought it so I knew what was coming. I was just bummed. Season 4, one episode in, is awesome. The funniest shit around, but sometimes you gotta vent. QUAD.

*Stella Artois is the best beer.

(Just as I'm finishing this entry "Rats Off to Ya" comes on Adult Swim. Wow. I love when the little girl is on Santa/the Mayor's lap and she asks for "a balloon man" and "an action car" and "a new door". Not to mention Bob Odenkirk voicing the concept of "Sour Lemon Vibrations". ROTY.)

SUPER TOILET BOWL

2009-02-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

So, yeah, I think only one of my SB predictions came true (nachos), but if not for that last drive maybe at least one more would have. I didn't even watch much of the game until the last quarter anyway...I was just psyched for The Office.

SUPER BOWL SUNDAE

2009-02-01T10:18:00.000-08:00

The end of the season in which I watch my team come back from the brink of ridiculousness and make a decent playoff run. It was also the season in which my two least favorite/most hated (positive v. negative) teams each made their conference championship and, to my delight, lost.

Football, I will miss you in the coming months. Time shall only make the heart grow fonder.

Super Bowl predictions:

Final score: Steelers: 17, Cardinals: 28
MVP: Kurt Warner feat. Jesus, or Larry Fitzgerald
Game Excitement Level 1-10: 6.5
Most delicious snack I will eat: Nachos
Amount of times Commentators will use the word 'palpable': 2
Amount of times Commentators will mention Jessica Simpson's weight: 11

DREAMERS AT BIRTH AND KILLERS BY NATURE

2009-01-30T22:03:00.000-08:00

I spent a good portion of the night watching rather gory double feature and in my head I began making a list of all my favorite violent movie scenes. Not that I love all film violence, I am very susceptible to squirming and/or being completely bummed out by certain things. There is still a scene in Gnaw: Food of the Gods II that I totally can not watch, and it's not the twenty foot adolescent boy telling his doctor to "get the fuck out of here...get out of my room!", seriously awesome movie if you've not seen it. So here's a random list of the best violence I've ever "scene"! Can't help it, I love puns.

1. Fargo (1996): One of my favorite scenes ever, Steve Buscemi (no, not in the wood chipper) meets the kidnapped woman's father at the top of a parking deck in a snowstorm. Mr. B is baffled, not expecting to see this (pretty well acted) crazy guy asking for his daughter until (I believe) the dad pulls a gun and shoots Mr. B, who returns fire (I think that's how it went, my memory is fuzzy here) and KILLS THE DAD then escapes and KILLS THE SECURITY GUARD. It's a perfect scene, not overly violent, perfect to begin a list with, and eerily tense.

2. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989): Not too long ago bad horror movies were good horror movies (not like the absolute shit that passes for "bad horror" these days, Quarantine anyone?) and although Friday the 13th Part II is my favorite in the series, part VIII has the best scene of them all. It completely escapes me how, but Jason (always a character that had the uncanny ability to creep me out even at his most ridiculous) and some dude end up on top of a building in the Big Apple. The dude, who has already showed his boxing prowess earlier in the film, challenges Jason to a boxing match! Jason is absorbing the dude's hits, and the guy is really nailing him, you can tell he means biz. So he finally gets tired and leans back and says something along the lines of "take your best shot asshole" or something, maybe without the swearing, but actually probably with much more swearing. So he gives Jason a free shot and Jason PUNCHES HIS HEAD OFF AND IT FALLS INTO A DUMPSTER! Oh man, I was only like 9 when I saw that, but I loved it then and I love it now.

3. Planet Terror (2007): One of the best movies I've seen in the last 5 or so years, and the better half of the double feature I watched earlier tonight. This movie is loaded with amazing gore and cringe inducing moments but one of my faves is (I'm assuming) also one of it's most controversial. The director's son, cast as Marley Shelton and Josh Brolin's kid is left alone in a car so that his mom can get help from her father since the town is crawling with infected zombie-esque bubbling maniacs hellbent on eating everyone in sight! So this mom of his tells him to take the gun out of the glove box and if anyone tries to get in to shoot them in the head...and to be careful. The genius of this scene is in the timing. Seconds after she walks away from the car you hear the shot and see the flash of light and you know the kid shot himself. He's a pretty classic kid character and it's perfect. He's got his scorpion and turtle in the same tank on his lap and of course he's gonna SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE if you give him the chance. All is right with the world however once the credits are done rolling and the kid (Rebel Rodriguez) is seen happily playing on the beach.

4. Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974): An amazing movie referenced a couple times in the second half of tonight's double feature that I saw for the first time a few weeks ago. Peter Fonda and Susan George (also brilliant in Straw Dogs) along with Larry's mechanic partner flee the police for almost the entire movie. The whole way through it's exciting and interesting and fun but I have to assume the reason it's a classic is for the final scene. The trio finally cross state lines and are out of harms way, the begin talking about what they're gonna do with their shares of the money they stole and the mood is genuinely joyous. Their lime green Charger is speeding along when, ooh what's that...a train? You only see the look on their faces for a moment before they SMASH DIRECTLY INTO A TRAIN AND EXPLODE ON IMPACT! What! Where the hell did that come from. The car is smoldering, the train continues on the track and the credits roll. Perfect.

5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986): This was an interesting year for movies that actually creep me out: Manhunter, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Troll (it scared me when I was little), Big Trouble in Little China (parts of this movie are creepy for sure), and of course Deadly Friend (I watched and rewatched this movie when I was young transfixed by the scary old lady from The Goonies getting her head smashed apart by a basketball). That being said, there is no scene I can think of as weird and as inspired (yes, inspired) as the opening scene in TCM2. Two collegiate pricks out for a drive on a lonely stretch of road, interrupted by an ominous truck which chases them (in reverse!) along (seemingly) the longest bridge in Texas. As they are being chased side by side a shriveled dead body pops up out of the back of the truck and is dangled over their car like a marionette. It's ridiculous and kind of hypnotic. The shrouded figure controlling the body then picks up his chainsaw and begins to buzz through their roof. Of course, one of the pricks (the one wearing the cool shades with the weird hologram eyes) has a gun and shoots at the body. The bullet knocks the dead body's head aside and you see who's really after them, everyone's favorite skin-mask aficionado, Leatherface. Now he's been discovered and it's time to end this charade so he SAWS THROUGH THE DRIVER'S HEAD and takes a good chunk right off. Next time you see them it appears their car drove right off the bridge...oh, and since they're rich they have a car phone and their whole attack was broadcast on the local radio station.

6. Suspiria (1977): Suspiria is the real deal, and for some reason the first time I saw it I didn't like it. Well, that's not true, I didn't like the end, but that's no longer the case. This movie has all the Argento hallmarks, but it's somehow even more paranoid and disorienting than all the rest. It's really a toss up picking the most gorgeously violent scene here, but I went for it. The blind and recently fired pianist from the dance academy is walking through a deserted piazza with his dog when the dog starts to bark. Obviously the man doesn't know what is disturbing the dog, but neither do we. There are shots from all angles and there is nothing but darkness, the man and the dog, but you feel that feeling of dread. Something is going to happen and you are just as vulnerable as the man, agoraphobia is creeping in as the attack is imminent and then...THE DOG JUMPS UP AND BITES THE MAN IN THE THROAT AND KILLS HIM! His own dog! The one who warned him, the one he said would not hurt anyone. It's kind of a metaphor for the entire film, the ones you should fear are the ones right in front of you.

7. Deep Blue Sea (1999): Deep Blue Sea, or as I call it "Smart Sharks", may rival Home Alone as my #1 most viewed (from beginning to end) film of all time. I literally used to watch it once a week on TBS or whatever. I love sharks, I love genetically enhanced predators (Ice Spiders, Jurassic Park), I love when scientists are morally opposed to the experiment they're undertaking but go for it anyway, I love that ladies love cool James...this movie is the whole package, and I bet you know what I'm going to describe next. Samuel L. Jackson notices that his co-escapists are losing hope that they can navigate their way out of the flooding undersea research station. No one gives a speech like Samuel L. and this one does not disappoint. He stands near the open water hatch that the escape shuttle was supposed to be in (if I'm remembering things correctly) and crafts their way out. Just as he declares he's not gonna get eaten by some smart shark (not his exact words) a smart shark JUMPS OUT OF THE HATCH AND EATS HIM IN ONE BITE! He (or she) then slides right back in the water to digest and probably read a book. It's a great jump-out-of-your-seat moment and should be fondly remembered for as long as sharks are scary. Samuel L. is also eaten in JP...he is however absent from Ice Spiders.

8. The Brood (1979): I doubt you'll find anyone who will say The Brood is one of the scariest movies ever, it really isn't. What it is is a generally boring movie with one or two very creepy moments. The persons doing the harm in this movie are apparently children (which I am never into, I don't think kids are scary ever, Damian or the girl in The Ring or any other evil kid, it never works for me) that is until you realize they are physical manifestations of rage from a woman involved in a study. The real creepy moment comes when the woman learns of her husband's interest in their daughter's teacher. She sends two of her "hate babies" to the school and they walk right in and KILL THE TEACHER RIGHT IN FRONT OF ALL THE KIDS! That's pretty extreme, even for 2009. Kids are kind of an off limits zone in most horror movies unless they're the villains, having them as the witnesses is intense. So not only do these weird demented children kill this lady in front of her whole class, but then they kidnap the daughter and (in an astoundingly unsettling scene) walk her down a rural road back to where the mom is being studied. Cronenberg does happen to deal in unforgettable images.

9. The Hills Have Eyes (1977): Am I the only one who could not rent this movie when they were young just because of the cover? I was terrified of it, but I always looked at it. I didn't get around to watching it until at least a year ago and I realized it's easily Craven's best movie. I'm vicious in a way a lot of other films don't want to be and it's almost nothing but despair for the entire film. The scene that sets it apart is when the cannibals finally come and attack the trailer. They make it inside and decide to steal the baby, but in the process they KILL THE MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER! In the history of modern horror you can count the films where something like that happens on one hand.

10. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992): Officially the scariest movie I've ever seen. My favorite dramatic director puts the exclamation point on the greatest TV series of all time with this epically strange and beautiful prequel. Aside from the death of Laura Palmer, this movie is hard to watch at times: Bob retrieving Laura's secret diary, Bob entering through Laura's window, anything at The Black Lodge...of course, those scenes aren't even violent, they're just as disturbing as it gets. The moment of violence that catches your eye is the drug deal gone bad in the woods. Bobby and Laura are hanging out in a clearing, the scene is inter cut with the beam of a flashlight shining on the woods around them which creates an eerie sense of danger. Laura is acting strange, kind of pathetically happy and Bobby is anxious. Once their contact arrives it's only a moment before he draws a gun, but so does Bobby who SHOOTS THE GUY then as he attempts to get up BLOWS OFF THE BACK OF THE GUY'S HEAD! It's gross but more than that it's the personification of altered reality in Twin Peaks. It seems like a dream and it's confusing but it's real and they are confronted with it head on. It's what David Lynch does best, he uses reality, not even as the setting, but as a backdrop to the events that occur. Anything that happens in a Lynch movie (any one of the good ones) usually happens in time first and reality second.

Alright, now that it is very late or very early I am done with this countdown for now. So tired I can't even think of a clever ending. Oh well.

ME AND MY HUSBAND IVY

2009-01-28T18:00:00.000-08:00

Snow on the ground and the cars, ice on everything else, and rain falling from the eerily gray sky. 10am should not be like this, spring can't come fast enough. Now nearing 10pm, and a new episode of The Real World...Brooklyn! I couldn't be more excited? Yeah, I could, but the possibility of another listen to that dude's song about being his lady's tampon...that's all I need. Seriously, that guy got like one shot to try to impress some bigwig (but how big of a bigwig can you be if yr named Machine?) and he breaks out the TAMPON SONG??? Good move asking the mormon for his expert opinion by the way.

Enough Real World talk, I wanna mention Maury Povich quickly. Dude had a show on today about May-December romances and how wrong-o they are. At one point they ran a clip about a lady who was...oh, in her 40's I think, and she was MARRIED to a 14 year old boy named Ivy. My jaw was on the floor for the entire minute or two the clip was on, though I did get a chuckle when she said she likes to buy him Pok-e-mon (spelling?) cards. Unfortunately they have since divorced, can't anyone make it work? I was going to say that I probably would have married some old lady when I was 14 if she bought me Marvel cards and made me food and shit, but that's not true. First of all I would have had to admit to my family that I liked girls, and believe me, no one has ever wanted to talk to their family about the opposite sex less than I. Secondly, my aforementioned family would never let me marry some lady when I was 14! That's what you missed Maury! Where is the story with the parents, isn't anyone interested in seeing Ivy's parents but me? Maury dropped the ball on that one. Since it was daytime tv there were commercials for like, lawyers and accident claims and stuff and there was one with rapping! It was great, this lady hurts her neck and then this like RAP VAN comes and gives her a check for her pain and suffering. If I was making an ad for whiplash I'd try to secure the rights to 'Protect Ya Neck'. That seems almost too perfect.

INFORMATION WILL BREAK YOUR HEART IN THE END

2009-01-27T15:59:00.000-08:00

About an hour ago I found out one of my favorite authors of all time, John Updike, died today. I just wanted to write something about him.

Somewhere around seven years ago I was introduced to Updike's writing in a short story class. It was usually much more interesting than everything else, Kafka probably being the only exception. We had to read a lot of Updike's stuff actually, more than any other author, and his story 'A&P' has been my favorite short story (and looking back, a solid touchstone for my interest in writing in the first place). It's a simple enough story, a kid working at an A&P forms an instant crush on a girl who comes into the store, she is mistreated by (i think) the owner of the store, the boy (trying to impress her) quits on the spot, and this act goes unnoticed by the girl. My argument as to the moral of the story, which was something to the effect of, 'girls are awful and nothing you do matters to them and they will just ruin your life', was unanimously discredited by kids and professors alike. To be young and (somewhat needlessly) resentful towards girls was my calling back then. The story goes much deeper, which is what i ultimately learned through taking this class and reading Updike's work. Updike taught me about the subtext of writing, more or less though trial and error since almost every initial conclusion I drew from his work was wrong. It's important to let yourself be way off once and a while because you always learn more getting back on track. That is really the main lesson I've taken from John Updike. Anyone who feels the impulse to write has that moment and that piece that helps it all come together, 'A&P' was mine. It's a tremendous loss and I'm going to miss him.

POETRY CORNER

2009-01-26T17:04:00.000-08:00

As an intoduction to me, my mind, my style, I've decided to blog-up a few of my poems. I've long been a lover (as well as an active participant) of the art of poeming, so I'd like to present just a taste of what I'm about. Grab a spoon (provided).

Enjoy...

"I Made it Worse with Wet Handshake"

Things are optional for a reason
And we all can’t be teen sweat machines
His heart is a feminine glove
He breaks pencils with his anger.

"Gender: Infinate Ponderances"

I got man feelings, I got man pants,
I got man style, I do a man dance,
I'm a man for real, I got man appeal,
I call it 'man zeal', then I eat a man meal.
Pizza.

"Footballs"

Playing football now, yeah, you got that right
I'm a Tight End Wide Receiver Saftey Quarterback and I might
Go out for the team, I'd make the fans all scream
Score a ta-ta-ta-touchdown and remind them why they cream.

Wow, that was great, feels good to share. Scriptophobia be damned.